Monday, August 13, 2007

pet's origins of Service and the new Gesture

Some of this pet knows, and some I am not sure if he does.

But I write this for him, as he has said that the things I write do clarify things in his mind for him. I find they help Me as well. There are a very select few that read this blog, most very long time friends, and one who was My first bridge to whom I have become in this realm. This is partially My way of communicating to that much loved friend the mindset that he has always enjoyed knowing about somewhat vicariously. This flip of Myself, is very new however in the real realm. For I have only had one other submissive, and I did not collar him in that past time, for as fond as we were of each other, I was not a harsh enough Mistress to fulfill what he needed. That lack of harshness kept Me from truly perusing this mode for a long time, as I felt if I could not do it, then I should not. But My pet has taught Me many different things, including as I have said before, who I am an who I am not.. and what My comfort zone is in all of this.

But.. I move now to the subject at hand.. and that is a more detailed description of what I sought in a slave, and the finding of pet, how we have come to be who and what we are together.

Proceeding the time that I met My pet (which by the way is a term of deep affection, and not remotely derogatory as some might think), but in the most recent time that I quested for him (for I have sought over many years on and off for a special submissive to collar as Myne own), I had been reading the first of a wonderful series of books by Jaqueline Carey, 'Kushiel's Dart' given to Me by a much luved submissive friend. Set in a more medieval time, about a very unique woman who is called an "auguissette", born to always experience pain and pleasure as one, she is the first of her kind in many generations. She is given up to adoption in the House of the Night-Blooming Flowers... well trained from childhood about the courtly arts of the bedchamber, but later 'adopted' and then trained as a courtesan to use those arts as an extraordinary spy. After her 16th birthday, she is sent out to serve. In the dangerous 'assignations' that she is sent on, she is accompanied by a young "Cassiline Brother", the highest trained of all the warriors, and those that protect the Kings and Queens of the realm. This well trained paladin has taken a vow to protect and serve her unto the giving of his life. But, he is also sworn to celibacy by the Order that he serves.

In My minds eye, knowing I sought something of a paladin for Myne own service, much of this fyne character of protection did I seek. However.. I sought the total opposite of celibacy... in that My paladins' service would be much more like the protagonist of the story, an amazing lover.. whom I would train to be Myne in all the fyne arts of the bedchamber and service therein that I could. He would have to be strong, masculine and of infinite energy to give pleasure. Both in body and desire to. A truly unique man. Many applied, and all but one, found lacking.

Not even did I meet others, for each failed in some way to be all of the requirements that I demanded for both Myself, and whomever I would find. I had not in the past, and would not now, settle for less then what I knew would be exactly what I not just wanted... but needed.
Somewhere.. he was out there.. and I would keep testing the waters.. writing and chatting.. and testing, until I found the precise match for both of us. It would not do for him to compromise for Me, and certainly not for ME to compromise for him.

When pet first wrote to Me, I was intrigued by him from the start. Something about the tone of his writing caught My attention. His answer to My questions about his likes, dislikes, interests and his desire to serve all moved Me considerably. The chats that we had, and his excellent submissive demeanor all build upon our getting to know how well suited we were for each other.
There are many who consider this sort of thing 'play'... but I never have. Nor do I consider it a 'dalliance' by any means. I take all of this very very seriously. I was not looking for a 'toy' to simply pass time with, but a deep and fulfilling and much necessary relationship that I see no end to.

There is indeed much sensuousness in the writing of these books, and the inspiration that they give sets the bar for what I sought. I did not quite realize till after I had met pet.. and when he rose to his feet before Me.. that first time in the restaurant..he reminded Me much of the protector in this book. Tall and handsome with a shy smile and warm blue eyes along with the fyne energy that hums through him like a subtle engine all accord to bring him into the exactness I sought. That combined with his sweetness of nature, sense of humor and excellent mind, heart and soul fairly had Me stricken with wonder at this magnificent creature.

Twas the first time that he knelt before Me however that the pieces fell into place in My mind, and I realized who and what I had been seeking. For this is an odd chivalrous sort of relationship and servant that I sought, not your " run of the mill " D/s slave. Something of a cross between a Gorean pleasure slave ( who is a much loved and highly treasured gem) and a paladin of protection was My conscious thought, but the unconscious thought was of a the devotion to service of Joscelin the protector, combined with the sensual training of Phedre, the lady he serves.

pet craves to serve sensually as much as Joscelin needs to protect. It is something he needs to do to feel whole to himself. For him to be able to give pleasure is a requirement, as it tis for the rest of us to breath. So to Me, he combines these qualities into a sensual warrior.. a paladin of erotic service.

The kneeling stance that he takes most often is that of a Knight, not that of a slave. Although he does move into the Gorean 'bracelet' position, on his knees with his hands clasped behind his back. And he will learn others in time as well. Along with the signs that I teach him, for I have mentioned My love of sign language before, and the pleasure it brings Me to sign to him, and to have him sign to Me.

In the beginning of the second book last week, I came across a gesture that I find will suit My paladin well, and I hope please him. For pleasing him IS important to Me. Tis the ancient gesture of fealty to one's King, Queen, Lord or Lady.. and that is of the right hand, clasped into a fist, and put over the heart. I have My pet tuck his head into a bow as he does it.

I have only relayed this to him in text and conversation. Tonight will be the first time I see him give it to Me in person. I have Commanded him, that he is to give this gesture to Me henceforth whenever I arrive or depart his company or a room that he is in unless I specifically tell him otherwise. He also knows, that he is welcome to give that, along with any of our private signs whenever he desires, and it will always please Me. I have adapted his knightly kneeling position to include this new gesture as well.

All of the things that I teach and train pet to do, are those that are rewarding to both of us. He may not always understand at the outset, but, in time these things become clear to him.

Like his daily duties to Me. Each thing is a part of the whole, designed specifically for him, to aid him in feeling the submissiveness he not just desires, but requires to feel fulfilled.

The eve is still a ways away.. but it does approach, and with it, time for another training session, for both of us.

I go soon to leave, and to prepare and for both of us, new things on the horizon of enjoyment.

Until this eve pet,
all ways,

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