Many know that Paladin has had a mantra since I've had him. But I don't think that I posted about when we relocated, Paladin gave me a mantra as well to help with my readjustment to life here. He did it because he is dedicated to looking after me, especially my mental well being.
And it goes "Mystress is Number One and lives in a Crazy Free Zone" He will normally ask for my mantra when he knows I am feeling overwhelmed or something has triggered me as a means of grounding me and making me remember how safe I am now and what a wonderful life we have together now.
If I'm not doing too great, I tend to dodge the answers as first. The way it plays out is that Paladin will say "Mystress is what?" If I'm doing well, I can say "Number One" right off. Other times, I may slide sideways and say something like "Pet's Owner' and he'll smile and repeat the question. And then I may say "In love with Pet". Sometimes I'll come right out and say "Not doing well" or "a mess". He is nothing if not persistent gently holding me and repeating the question until I answer "Number One". Then he'll ask "And lives in a ?" Again, my answer will depend on my mood. If I'm off, I'll dodge that too. Worst answer in my own mind is "A world of nightmares" or "Really fucked up". Best is "In a Crazy Free Zone".
About a week ago, when I was stressing over some Christmas details in regards to the family visit he decided to add something else to my mantra. And that is something that I have honestly never even thought to have as an aspect of my life. And that is "Carefree". I mean seriously, how many folks do incorporate that as an aspect of their life?? Carefree. Really pet? I know what it means, but I decided to go and look it up for the official definition.
Free from anxiety or responsibility.
Jaunty huh? Don't know about that one, but I sure like the light-hearted part, as well as the 'free from anxiety or responsibility'. Seeing as I have always been the responsible one.. to let go in that regards and let Paladin be the responsible one is something new to adjust to. My ex, God love him, was sooo flightly that coming out of 12 years with him still as sane as I am was a miracle. Which is why of course Paladin in his brilliantness has chosen the very words that he has. He was there, he KNOWS what it was like. Especially the last 5 years. >insert eye roll here<
So my new mantra in it's entirety now is: "Mystress is Number One and lives in a Crazy and Care Free Zone". It's taken some adjusting to I have to say. And I am still marveling at Paladin's choice in building my mantra for me for my well being. Carefree.... Wow.. Funny that I have to work at it. We've been here for almost 9 months, and it still seems like an amazing dream. But its not. It's wonderfully real! Each day, is better then the next. This new life, living full time with my amazing Paladin is better then I might even have thought to dream of.
On another fun sort of note, we went to my Vet Center's Christmas party last nite, and several of the other ladies from my MST group where there. Two of them in particular had their eyes light up when they saw Paladin, who sat with his arm around me, rubbing my shoulder and arm lightly. He could tell the energy in the room had me a bit stressed and he was doing his best to comfort me. There was one very uncomfortable moment with a male veteran trying to find out what "war" I'd been in, and when I said "The Invisible War" he said it didn't exist. Wrong monkey fucker! (to use a term I heard Paladin call his friends last nite) I was there, I was wounded and almost killed in it. Your just either ignorant or one of 'them'. In fact, the documentary is now on the Oscar's short list!
Anyways.. back to the fun parts. The two ladies were mouthing to me how cute he is, and how affectionate. Made me grin inside and outside. Oh whoo wee.. if they had any inkling of the truth. Like how I'd just had him cleaning the kitchen naked in spite of some mild grumbling the other day. My counselor was there too, and it was obvious she was quite impressed with him as well. When they shook hands she acted lightly like his obvious strength had crushed her hand and he rapidly apologized, to which she laughed and said she was joking. But I patted him on his wide and muscular chest and said "It's that rugby Captain thing" to which she nodded and appreciated Paladin's pure hunkiness quite openly. In group, I call him my Hero.. as he is. And it was nice to see that the ladies in my group can see how wonderful and sweet he is. And as we all know here.. that's just the tip of his considerable ice burg. *winks*
So, with that. I'm off to go do some more Christmas arts and crafts. I am enjoying putting together my own wreath and making gold and silver pine cone decorations from the cones we collected during our Thanksgiving camping trip.
I hope all are having a nice holiday season,