Thursday, January 31, 2008

Last visist and future plans

Its late...well after a 14 hour day it is. I am waiting for my Mystress to get on the Mystress is having some internet connection i am waiting patiently.

Our last visit as Mystress reported was with some friends i do say. We had a wonderful evening. It was very low key and we had much conversation at the dinner table chuckling and laughing together. The food was good..the company was great...and i really enjoyed being showed off by my Mystress. Before we knew it it was past 10 and our company had to be off. Invitations were abound and intentions to do it again voiced. Thank you to our new friends...the time was truly lovely.

When we were alone..Mystress and I retired to the room for some pleasure and then some rest...mmmm what a wonderful time and only a taste of the weekend to come.

This weekend Mystress will be here once again and we have some great plans planned...plenty of pleasure and much bonding..our weekends have become wonderful and this weekend promises to be no different. Looking very forward to our bath....mmm lovely bath.

Off to veg some and wait on my Mystress...


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A Simple Evening

And so it was. Paladin and I talked at length in advance about what his protocols would be when our company arrived. We had a very nice bit of amazing pleasure on the couch before they came. Mmmmm... I had been so very aroused for days for him and he performed more then admirably. Suffice it to say that I was much more relaxed afterwards. It was wonderful to have the opportunity to connect on such a deep level as well.

Unbeknownst to Paladin, I had previously exchanged emails with our guests asking them if they felt comfortable with My having Paladin in his 'greeting' attire, meaning only his shirt and collar and restraints. He had known he would be in his 'formal' attire to greet them, and then in semi-formal for dinner and that we would play it by ear from there. My friends had written back to say that they would be perfectly comfortable with Paladin in his greeting attire. So they were quite aware that he was unaware of what would be happening.

I suppose I tipped him off when I had him turn his heater on. Because he is on an upper floor in his apartment complex, heat often rises and he almost never has his heat on. The past few times that I have been there, I have let him wear clothes because of the chill factor however.

Paladin touched My heart deeply when after greeting My friends, he knelt and welcomed them to 'our home'. Hearing him say those words left Me almost breathless.

After having seen our guests seated comfortably, and drinks provided, Paladin knelt before Me and asked for his collar and restraints. It was very sweet... and I said that yes, he could, but that he would have to do it in his 'greeting' attire. His eyes only widened slightly. But he smiled and was mostly ignored while he moved around the other side of the couch and undid his tie and removed his pants while we three sat on the couch and chatted. When he was ready, he brought Me his collar (in fact a new one of the same style that his other one has been, but this one fits him much better and he does not have to keep swiveling the buckle part of it around to the back of his neck. I had also gotten a tag for it that says "Paladin - Property of Mystress" that I will put on him for special occasions) and knelt and oh so charmingly pledged his mantra to Me, and in this, he was certainly the center of attention. It was of great pleasure to place his collar on him and attach his restraints as well.

After that, Paladin puttered in the kitchen while we chatted, and fixed dinner for us. It was a wonderful meal with delightful company. We ate and talked the evening away. My friends had been to Burning Man a couple of times and regaled us with fascinating stories of it. And they also asked Paladin many questions about his country of origin. They were surprised by some of the things that he shared with them about it. It was like being in the midst of two different worlds.. Paladin's home country, and the world of Burning Man.

It was a very low key evening, spent simply letting the 3 of them get to know each other. The evening was very relaxed and low key. Paladin was an amazing host and I was very proud of him in all ways. It was around 10pm when they bid us good nite and we quickly shut things down and headed off to bed. Where upon we indulged in some wonderful desert that Paladin had gotten for us side by side chatting about the evening. Then, it was time for the secondary dessert. Yummmmy, and so was Paladin! It was always wonderful to fall asleep curled in Paladin's arms.

Sometime before dawn I awoke from disquieting dreams and needing to feel both the reassurance and passion of Paladin. I have been reluctant to awaken him in some past mornings when we've not gotten to sleep till late... but this morning.. I NEEDED to feel him. He was so totally sweet about indulging Me in this even though I knew he must be tired. Afterwards, we slept for the few minutes before our alarms went off..and then another 20 mins.

It was sooo hard to get out of his warm bed.. and his delightful body. (sigh) And I will miss him tomorrow nite, but I know that he will be having a very long day, as he had a long one today as well. And.. I'll get to spend Sat nite with him.. and even better then that.. our favorite thing, it's supposed to rain here on Sat nite and Sunday morning!!! So. I know I'll be waking him up for pleasure in the nite.. to fall back asleep and sleep in cuddled together in the morning. The Superbowl doesn't come on until 3pm here.. although we do plan on watching a movie earlier in the day.

Paladin has never seen Young Frankenstein, and I'll be bringing it with Me for us to watch it on Sat eve as well. Yes.. I do have a odd sense of humor. I've referred to My 'abby brain' in the past, but he's not understood it, but he will after Sat nite! In fact, it was My friends from last nite that have lent Me the movie for us to watch.. and there is a part that the 3 of us sang in unison last nite ("oh at last sweet mystery of life I've found you!") .. Paladin will understand it after he sees it. Last week Paladin wrote about watching a tv show with Me that revealed something of My odd sense of humor.. and that show was Monk. He'd never seen that before. There will be more episodes of that for him to watch with Me as they have them on the internet now. (smile) He is as I have said, in general a pretty serious individual. He likes time piece movies and action and such.. but not silly sorts. Poor Paladin.. as Young Frankenstein is certainly one of the sillier movies ever made.

And in the spirit of sharing, on Sunday we'll be watching on of Paladin's favorite movies, Kingdom of Heaven. So.. I look forward to us sharing something new with each other and learning something else about what we both like.

This morning....I did get a very sweet letter from our friends, saying how much they had enjoyed the evening, and how handsome and charming Paladin was, and how obviously devoted to Me he is... and the observation that Paladin did truly have 'amazing rugby thighs!". And I give thanks for a wonderful evening of delightful company to them and look forward to another nice visit with them sometime in the future.

And on that note, I bid adieu to our dear readers. Wising everyone out there all the very best,
in all ways,

Monday, January 28, 2008

A wonderful chat

Mystress and i had a wonderful chat tonight..well actually i should say myMystress...for my Mystress put in a new protocol tonight. My new pyorotocl is that i am to always refer to myself as your paladin and my Mystress as my Mystress. So when i ask Mystress if she wants anything i must say " Would my Mystress like something to drink?" or "Would you like anything to drink my Mystress."

If i am asking for something for me i must ask like " May your paladin please use the restroom my Mystress" or "May your paladin get something to drink my Mystress"

It definitely has a very courtly feel to it and i look forward to learning to adopt it into my many other protocols. Tomorrows visit of my Mystress's friends shall be the first public trial of my new protocols.

Practicing as we speak.


My Paladin's Development

My Paladin has come very far in the journey of his development as My submissive. And I am always so proud of him. It has been something of a challenge for one as private a person as is he. And, one as reserved as he as well. There are many levels to My Paladin, and because of our privacy issues, there are many that I cannot speak of here.

Paladins writings the past few days have been very enlightening to Me. We did have an extended chat last nite, and I hurt him when I told him I didn't think that he needed Me the way that sometimes I know that other subs 'need' their Dom/mes. He expressed that My saying this hurt his feelings.. and I have apologized. He asked if did I not sense his feelings. And.. My response was... that yes, I do sense it. But, I never want to assume. For in Myne own past, I have been known to project My feelings on someone else, and I would not want to do that with him. I would rather have him speak his feelings, then have Me 'sense' them, or guess what they may be. I would not desire to overestimate them. So, I am very very pleased to have him speak and write his feelings so much more openly.

There was a time in My past, when I was much like Paladin. Perhaps even worse. I was considered.. frozen to some extent, and I would certainly not speak how I felt. It was too scary because someone might disagree with Me, or take offense to how I felt, or worse, I might reveal feelings that I had that someone else did not have. I might think that someone felt a certain way, and projecting My feelings upon them, because I wanted it to be so, I would get set in My place and be told that what I thought, or mistakenly 'assumed' was not so. I did learn the lesson of ass-u-me-ing in some harsh ways.

Even as a Mystress... where I am in control of things, I still cannot assume that he feels the way I may want him to. So again, I need him to be as clear as possible in his communications with Me. Because he was raised in a fairly reserved environment due to his family composition and national culture, it has been a challenge for him, and I have been continually impressed by his desire to stretch himself over and over. But, if I can stretch and change, then so can My Paladin.

As for his submission.. we have discussed that at length in the past. While I would not quite call him a control 'freak'.. he is fiercely strong in his control of his life. We did a mental test last night, and Paladin was in the category of a 'Guardian'.. which I find extremely appropriate for My Paladin. I am an 'Idealist'. I could feel us both smiling through the computer at how well our roles fit us each. The whole aspect of following rules, sticking to schedules and being very authority oriented certainly did fit Paladin to a 't'. At did My more 'touchy feely' sort or mode.

Paladin wrote last nite about our guest's tomorrow nite. It should be quite an interesting experience for us both. I must admit to loving to show Paladin off, and tomorrow nite will be no exception. Our company will not arrive till after I have been there for a while, and I am sure we'll find some way to amuse ourselves before the company shows up. This will also be another step along the way of Paladin's development.

I hope our readers can indeed tell how fond we are of each other, and how much joy we derive from our shared journey as we are both learning new things. And we do love to share what we learn with others as well. Comments are always gratefully appreciated.

On that note, I go off to chat with Paladin for a while,
As always,
Best to all,
Paladin's Mystress

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Lessons for others in the future

This Tuesday Mystress and I host a couple who are friends with Mystress and who are interested in evoloving their own relationship into a stronger D/S relationship. Mystress feels that by us leading by example...we can show them some of the ropes...what it takes to establish such a relationship. How a sub should respond to his/her master/ a master/mistress should handle their sub. Generally ... an intoduction to who we do things. With this introduction we hope that they will find their own style and make a unique relationship for themselves.

The details for the night have not been set...we shall just play it by ear and make it as comfortable as we can for all. The goal is to provide a very relaxing environment for open discussion and learning. Some demonstrations will occur such as delivering a mantra and positions etc...everything to provide a well rounded demonstration of what Mystress and I have.

For Thursday it seems Mystress's and I plans are probably going to be put off due to it being a busy work day. We have already made plans for the coming weekend so we will just expand on these to make up for our laost time.

And yes...missing a day with my Mystress does cause me some sadness Mystress, even though i keep it inside...and your latest lesson has told me to not do it anymore, so I post here so everyone knows...that each time I miss a day with you Mystress...i am sad...and i do need you...more than i admit to on Thursday i will miss you Mystress...but ont he weekend i shall once again be reunited with my dear Mystress...and all will be made up.

Love Paladin

Saturday, January 26, 2008

My Evolution.

When i first started my journey with Mystress i knew that i wanted to do it...i had been searching for the right Mystress for many years..and knew that for the right Mystress i would be able to change.

When I first started i was very Mystress would say...I'd always have my castle walls up and on full defense. I was very tentative as with Mystress taking her first steps. I knew that i had to be sure that my Mystress was the right build a level of trust i could use to expand change from.

The trust was built fast as i felt something...just something from my Mystress...a good vibe or energy you may say...that i knew i could trust...and with this my change really started. I started to open up alittle more..sometimes at the proding and insistance of Mystress...but still it was something i wanted..something i needed.

Mystress identified this need...and even though Mystress insistance and pushing were at times difficult...for i had never taken these steps before...i knew that they were the right steps...and Mystress reinforced this thought with reassurances and many lessons and clear examples.

As time went on, what was difficult became easier. These included having Mystress stay over, expressing my feelings and thoughts, my desires and my longingness for Mystress to name just a few. My submission also grew.

At first it was a difficult task to stay submissive as my stubborn side would often come to the surface...i don't think i was ever disobedient or defiant...just hestiant and reluctant at times. But as with everything else...over time its become easier. I can go to sub space the moment Mystress tugs on my hair or bites my lip...or when Mystress forces me to my the start these were loft goals and seemed to be far out of reach...but Mystress through her lessons taught me the way...and its become so much easier now...I'd say almost automatic.

The one thing i am still working on is expressing my true feelings..openly and often. As Mystress says in her posts...hearing such declarations over and over and over does not diminish them...but instead makes them stronger...for each time it is said it deepends the meaning. A lesson i have thought much of as late and am determined to learn and put into practice....for if it makes my Mystress so so makes me happy.

So today i feel my walls...if they can even be called that...are much much lower...more like a white picket fence...still there but far less intimadating...and much more welcoming. The changes in myself...that even i have noticed..have been profound and i hope to make many more in time for my Mystress.

Enjoying he mutual evolution...


My Mystress

As Mystress has noted in i have noticed from my perspective. What is this observation...well in a nut shell, its the evolution of my Mystress.

When we first started our journey together Mystress knew that she wanted to be a dom, and that she wanted a slave. Mystress had a good idea of what it involved, on how to train me and what to expect. But all this iformation was gathered from being on the receiving end of the the sub...and not as a dom. Even with this understanding, Mystress was determined to make it so.

At first Mystress was alittle unsure of how to take command, how to ask with force for what she to shed her submissive side and to take on her dom side. But as Mystress has practiced her have these aspects become easier...and in time Mystress has evolved from a dom in what i would call...a full fledged Mystress...complete with a commanding demeanor and less and less of a submissive nature.

I've asked Mystress if she misses her submissive side or if she is sad to see it diminish...and she has answered no on numerous occassions. It has been one of my proudest moments to see the change in Mystress..from her first tentative steps to now...when she takes giant dominating steps..with full confidence and compassion. Others have commented on how different Mystress feels to them too...full of confidence and assertivness and they have cherished the changes.

OUr last meeting Mystress asked if i could tease her. Mystress likes to be tied during this not to be submissive, but to heighten the sensory exhiliration. I used my own restraints this time for i wanted Mystrss to feel them just once, and i won't use them again on Mystress for i felt naked without them, so now Mystress knows how they feel to me. It was a wonderful bonding experience to share them with Mystress and i am glad Mystress experienced it, and when she said to take them off... i did so so quickly so that i could have them back on me.

Thank you Mystrss for growing with me...the journey has been so special and i can't wait to see what the future holds in our journey.

With so much love


Friday, January 25, 2008

So many thoughts

Evening all....

Mystress is so 100% correct about last night being truly wonderful and full of passion...things were changed up some and wow were they amazing...Mystress has a wonderful ability to make each moment together feel so special and i think I return the favor. I'll keep this post to the mundane as I want to spend some good time filling out all the details for our great guests.

The evening infact was quite unusual as only a few of the rituals we normally do occured. These included my greeting ritual, dinner and well plenty of pleasure. Interspersed between these where many many new aspects and oh so wonderful indeed....hope i have wet the appetites of the readers...stay tuned for tomorrow i shall devulge all the details.

With much fond rememberances


Changing Wants

Last nite, like all others, was a remarkable nite. It was an evening when passion took the front seat to everything else. I had Paladin tease Me to incredible distraction while the lasagna heated up for dinner. Normally I have one heck of an orgasm at this point, but I decided to wait until after dinner as pet had said he'd love to tease Me for hours. After the dinner beeped that it was ready, we got up and ate. As always.. delightful to eat with Paladin. And after dinner, we decided to skip the bath and head back to the bedroom and into bed.

I had asked Paladin to reverse the rolls last nite as I sometimes do and he obediently did so. He did something he had never done before, and that was that he used his own restraints to bind Me to the bed rather then the other set. I wasn't sure how I felt about this, but I was willing to roll with it for the time being.

One nite, not too long ago, I told Paladin some of My deepest fantasies and what I wanted to experience when tied and blindfolded. These were the very things which he then did to Me last nite. It was incredibly intense. Although I egged him on for more and more, and he did exactly what I wanted him to do, I guess I've become too much of a Domme to handle it. Because it felt like something snapped and suddenly there came a point when I'd had enough and stopped him. I had never done that before.

After I came back from a sort of sub space and could move and communicate again,
I made him take the restraints off fairly quickly. They didn't feel right. I think if he's going to restrain Me, I'll want him to use the other set, and not his. But I was glad to have had the experience. This was yet another step along My evolution to being a stronger Dominant. Seems I keep getting further and further away from the submissive I was.

After I was fully back, I then began to Command him as to what I wanted him to do. I found Myself being more brisk with him then usual and jumping from one Command to another. I grabbed him by his leather training collar, jerking on it and making him state his belonging to Me, and his collar mantra over and over to Me. What that means is that when I tug on his collar once, he is to say "Yours" And if I jerk on it twice, he is to say "This is a symbol that I belong to You".Jerk, jerk, jerk, "Yours, Yours, Yours" Damn right pet.. you ARE MYNE!

Finally after he delivered Me of a series of a mind blowing orgasms I suddenly got very very chilled. It was a cold and rainy nite. I found Myself curled in a ball shaking and shivering. It took a bit for Paladin to convince Me to get into the shower with him. He went and turned the water on for us. We spent quite some time under the hot water just holding each other. There was not washing, just the warmth of the water splashing on us. After we got out and got dried off, I had him turn off the music, blow out the candles and into bed we went. Paladin still wasn't feeling better and My poor pet had a headache to boot. He was in fact feeling so bad he wasn't even up to having an orgasm of his own, even though I wanted him to. But I think his head just hurt too badly. After we were back into bed I curled up close against his warm body and slept. I think we both snuffled and coughed some, but mostly slept. He slept in again and then I dressed while he showered and it was time to go off our own directions. He is off with his buddies tonight doing his 'guy' thing. Which is a good end of the week relaxation for him.

I had lunch with a new submissive friend today, and during the conversation, as she asked about My transition, I realized that one of the biggest differences, in Myself is that I don't fantasize about being Dommed anymore.. but Domming! She smiled and said that that WAS a pretty big difference, and she is right.

I'll admit, I've gotten pretty spoiled in being able to see Paladin on the past couple of Sunday's. I think that seeing him more frequently has led to My ever growing dominance and the strength of it. It's certainly given Me something special to look forward to. But he needs some down time totally alone to rest. Our reunion is always enjoyable, but I'll still miss being able to cuddle on his couch and watch football or movies or something. It's one of those balancing things that I find difficult. Sometimes it's easier then others. I've planned some things to keep Myself busy this weekend , and I'll look forward to seeing him on Tue. I wonder, if he'd ever do something to surprise Me spontaneously. Darned if I don't wish he did need Me sometimes. It makes Me wonder how long it would take him to beg for him to see Me, or if he would.

Best to all,

Domme sub Communications

Kitten asks the question on her blog of "will it ruin the moment?" if she professes the depths of her feelings for her Master during the midst of his being rough or very physical with her.

I posted a comment on her page about Myne own feelings, but felt it worthy enough to post a bit about it here as well. This is not something that Paladin and I have ever actually discussed, but it did arouse feelings sufficient that I would like him to know and be aware of My perspective of.

My comment to her was this:

I certainly cannot speak for your Master, but I can speak for Myself as a Domme. And I can honestly say, that few things would make Me happier then to hear My own pet tell Me his deepest feelings at any time, but more so at such a moment of vulnerability and passion as when he is tied and teased to distraction. Having him spontaneously say such things at that moment would be of great satisfaction to Me. And I do hope that he will learn to say more as time goes on.

From other other side, I do feel the power of being able to say it to him at any time I might desire. He used to think that saying our feelings too much diminished them, but I do not believe he feels that way anymore. He recently told Me that it fills him with joy when I say his given name when he is in the midst of providing pleasure. So this is something that I have noted and try to do for him.

Wishing you both all the best,
and certainly good luck on your work prospect!

I like to post things here that I want Paladin to be aware of so that he will know My feelings about things. These blogs often spark conversation between us. Somethings a subject will come up that I've not really thought about before until I have a chance to read about it. Reading how other Dom/mes and subs communicate, what sort of things go through their minds or are in theirs, well, that gives Me much thought into ours as well.

When I post something here, then in general he strives to accommodate Me. And while kitten is unsure of how her Master may feel about her stating her feelings to him, I am not in the least confused as to how I feel. I KNOW that I want Paladin to express his feelings about Me at any time. It would give Me a lot of pleasure, and would also be very very arousing to Me to have him spontaneously tell Me those feelings to Me at some of our intenser moments. The more he says, the more I like it. He says I know how he feels, and I do. But.. that is not the point. The point is that as his Mystress, I'd like him to tell Me of his own will, in a way that is deeply meaningful to Me. And if he is driven to say it at moments of 'high passion'.. well. then that will mean all the more to Me.

Part of training Paladin has been to help him to break down his prior walls. Last nite I compared his wall when I met him to those of a castle... 3 feet thick. Now, they are more like a modular home.. much thinner in other words. In time, I would like for him to be transparent to Me. That there be no walls at all. Or maybe just a screen of sorts.

I would be curious as to what others think and feel about this subject as well.

Best to all,

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Paladin as My Support and Anchor

I would like to share with our readers yet another way that Paladin serves Me. And this is as a great comfort when I am stressed. I think the extent that he goes to do this this is somewhat unusual for a 'submissive'. It is not just the physical parts of Me that he concerns himself with and looks after, but also My mental and emotional parts. He goes out of his way at all times to be aware of how I am feeling.

I have a few things going on in My life that are destabilizing right now, including seeking a new home. Our landlord has raised our rent significantly, so we are looking to move as soon as we can. We have found one we like a lot, but
We've not heard back from the landlords about it yet. So I have been feeling more then a bit destabilized about it, and Paladin has been of great support and comfort to Me in this. I have been more then a bit on edge about it, and dear Paladin has been of great help to Me in this.

Another and yet equally significant event has been the illness of My Master and My evolution as Paladin's Mystress. The only remaining traces of My submission have been connected to Master. But it has been in the six months that I have been Paladins Mystress, that I have been Master's submissive in name only. The 'service' I have done for him during his prolonged illness has transformed more into that simply of a loving friend which I will always be. Last night saw the effects of that hitting Me rather hard as I felt the last vestiges of the submission I had clung to for so long crumbling away. Devestating wrote on her blog about not really being a switch, and I can certainly relate to that now. Whereas I started out as sub, then thought of Myself as something of a switch, as of last night, I don't feel that way anymore. It is a good feeling to look at My Paladin kneeling before Me.. and feel the passion of of his submission and how much I enjoy it. We all have our journey's of transformation, and this one had certainly reached a turn in the road. It was still somewhat emotional for Me.. and Paladin held Me and comforted Me while I dealt with it.

How to convey this to Master? Or will I? Perhaps it will simply pass into dust as Master only seems to be getting worse and not better mentally and emotionally. Where I have been strong for him, so is Paladin now strong for Me. I do not know if who he was will ever resurface, and if it does, will it be too late for the submissive in Me to as well? I think so. I certainly am not who I was when this journey began. But i am stronger and better then who I was. I feel better about who I am as well.

This is something that My Knight and Paladin have both wanted. For Me to be stronger and more self assured. This is one reason he has been so supportive of My spending time with Paladin. He is very happy about My progression in regards to My domination over Paladin. My Knight would much rather I be a Domme then a sub. I still have My moments of emotional weakness. I cannot be happy all the time. As a Scot, I am prone to both a hot temper and 'Celtic moroseness ' as My father warned Me early on in life. I try to keep an even keel however to the best of My ability. And I struggle against it, I do try to control it and not let it control Me. And Paladin, bless his heart, also does his best to be as loving, supportive and cheerful as he can with Me.

That is a part of his service to Me that has been unexpected, and extremely endearing. As I told him last nite, although one thing dies, another lives. And so goes the way of My submission and dominance. I have come to rely on Paladins calming presence, be it in person or by text to help Me over the rough times.

Early on I asked him if he would be not just My submissive, but also My confident. While he was fine with the submissive part, it took him longer to agree to the confident. He felt that it was a great responsibility that he was not sure he was ready for. But I needed both, and he finally did agree to both. So there are things I tell him I tell no one else. So this is another reason for the depths of our connection. This has been a great relief to Me to have him to be able to talk to about anything. I trust Paladin's judgment in everything. He is a very wise man.. and always has My best interests at heart. I deeply appreciate that. He is also one the happiest people I know. He is always upbeat and looks to the positive. He never carries any baggage around with him and he prefers to live in the moment as much as possible. He is so very patient with Me when I am being temperamental. I try not to be.. but.. I do have My moments, and he seems to have gotten used to them enough to be able to sooth My feathers when I get Myself ruffled.

Another of Paladin's amazing traits is his persistence in making Me communicate with him. There are time when I tend to withdraw and tuck My head down upon Paladin's chest. But he will not let Me do that.. he always lifts My chin and makes Me look at him, and communicate with him. He is tenacious about it. He is the most observant man I have ever known. Not a sigh passes his notice without him asking Me what it means or how I am feeling. He knows Me well enough now to know when I am not speaking My mind for some reason. He says he can see the 'gears' working in My mind.. and again, he will not let Me not talk to him. And.. I deeply appreciate this from him as well.

So while Paladin serves Me with enormous servings of all the pleasure I might want.. he also serves Me by being My special confident. He provide Me emotional and mental support in all the ways I could need it. He is the only person I know who never gets mad or impatient with Me. He never sulks or pouts... he only asks, and listens, and does his best to cheer Me up. And this service is as important as any other part of him. And again, and again.. I appreciate it. Last nite was yet, another proving of it. As he posted tonight.. we did talk for hours and hours and hours. While pleasure was on both of our minds.. it was the last aspect of the evening. I was in a decided funk all nite.. and Paladin simply supported Me.. and held Me.. and made Me talk it all out until I finally felt better.

So this is yet another aspect of our relationship.. One neither of us writes about.. and yet.. our friendship and support of each other is one of the bedrocks of the foundation of our relationship.

Thank you so much My beloved Paladin.. for being the wonderful man that you are.. and the gift that you give Me of your ever loving and kind patience.

With much love,
all ways,
Your Mystress

A different kind of night

Last night was once again an amazing night with my Mystress. You may be thinking that it was a night filled with the usual hours and hours and hours of pleasure but even though there was much pleasure for both Mystress and I, the night felt different overall. The night in general was very relaxed and Mystress and I did more speaking and communicating than pleasure this evening.

Dinner was the usual sit close and chat ritual Mystress and i have done every night we have been together...but after dinner is where things changed. We settled into the couch so that Mystress could catch up on a tv series she had missed int he past. It was good to see the show as it showed me the type of TV show Mystress loves to watch. It also hinted at where some of Mystress's humor comes from...quite a lesson.

After the show..we took our wonderful bath but last night, we spent hours in the bath...just sitting side by side, chatting, discussing many topics and lining up many movies that we each other has not seen yet. Seems like we are going to have a super movie weekend someday, with much pleasure interjected for sure. The bath was truly wonderful last night...neither of us were in any rush and we warmed up the water numerous times.

Some desert later, a very very yummy cake, it was time for pleasure and Mystress and I both had a wonderful time. With the evening now behind us..Mystress and I cuddled up for a lovely night of sleep. It has really become a comfortable thing to sleep with my Mystress and i look forward to each night she does. We both had a rough night sleep, me as i am starting to get a cold, and Mystress because she has many important things on her mind. I am sending Reiki to Mystress's house to ease the uncertainty and i hope that it will help the situation some.

Till the next wonderful intimate time with Mystress


Monday, January 21, 2008

Our Dynamics

Mystress and i have spend many hours of late discussing our relationship..what it means, how its defined and how it compares to others. Mystress does many many readings on many other blogs comparing what we have to what others have. Those that Mystress finds the most interesting and at times most different form our own relationship...Mystress will bring those to my attention and tells me to read analyze them and to compare it to what we have in my own words.

One aspect Mystress has realized is that my submission is very different than most other subs. As Mystress has said...i will not submit to any other doms...for I spent many many years looking for exactly what i have and it's perfect...and this it what i will submit to and nothing else. I don't respond to any other doms dom energy the way one would expect a sub to respond...I definitely respect them..for they are very good friends of my Mystress and i won't disrespect them in any way.

Because they are such good friends of Mystress, i will do what they say, respect their wishes and be a well mannered individual, but i will not submit like i submit with my Mystress...for Mystress is the one i have been searching for and she is the only one i will submit to.

In submitting to Mystress, i feel totally at ease, and my submission to Mystress feels very very right. It's very calming and a wonderful relief to find my special Mystress after so many years of being so special i am trying my best to do all i can do to make it perfect and wonderful for us both.

And as my journey continues, so does Mystress's. Mystress has evolved as much as i have i feel. Mystress was first hesitant and perhaps somewhat shy to dom me...but as i have grown comfortable with Mystress, so has Mystress grown comfortable with me..and in her comfort so has her domination gotten stronger...Mystress is far more commanding and firm these days. Mystress is also much more comfortable asking for all the pleasure she seeks in all manner of forms. It is this evolution in Mystress that has made me as proud of Mystress, as Mystress is of my evolution in myself.

I too thank all our guests who have their own blogs, and who share their own perspectives for it is wonderful to see how many different styles there are out there...and each in their uniqueness are special unto has definitely made me appreciate the differences in our relationship and to value them for all they are worth.

With much pride in my Mystress....and much love in my heart....

Reflections on Paladin as a submissive

Last nite we read persephone's latest blog entry about looking at the 'other side of submissiveness' about male submissives. This led to a discussion between us about Paladin and his submissiveness and we reflected together about our relationship and what it means to us. Persephone wrote about a getting to know a male submissive friend, and trying to understand the male submissive mindset. One would not be able to understand the 'typical' male submissive mindset through Paladin and Myself very well. We have a Arthurian sort of relationship and that indeed makes us a bit different. I suppose if a Queen had a Knight who was her pleasure slave (or consort) then that would be a very close comparison to the way that we are. Many of his requirements are the same as any other submissive, be they male or female. For instance, he always tries to do everything he can to be as pleasing to Me as possible. He is very protective of Me in all ways.. physically, mentally and emotionally. He defers to Me in all things, My word is Law. He is gallant, courtly and always quick to do anything that makes Me happy and to follow whatever rules I have set up for him to follow. This never minimizes his masculinity in any way. This is the pattern of our relationship. What is different is that I am the only one he will submit to. Also, I do not like to use physical punishment on him if I can help it, where as perersephone's owners use quite a bit of it on her.

persephone is quite a bit younger then us.. and she is a owned by a couple.. and in their relationship, she is their 'little girl', their 'pet'. In our relationship, Paladin is My protector, My Knight, and My pleasure slave. As I posted in the comment section on persephone's blog, Paladin's service is much the opposite of hers, for in our case, most of Paladin's service is of a highly sexual nature, while her owners do not use her sexually very often, certainly not as often as I use Paladin.. which would be... well... er..... every time we are together. . Mmmmm.. and how so! Hours and hours of it. They do use her sometimes, but that does not seem to be the primary focus of their relationship as it is with ours. I do not know what they were looking for when they came across her, but I was specifically looking for a pleasure slave and I do believe that he was looking to serve in the same way. His duty is to always provide all of the pleasure that I demand of him, and I demand a very high amount of it from him. I'd much rather have pleasure with him then spank him or pretty much anything else.

persephone says that her submissive friend has the same 'submissive neediness' that she does.
I am familiar with that neediness, having had it Myself in the past as a submissive. However...Paladin does not have that neediness. I had to explain it to him last nite as he was quite unaware of the phenomenon, and I still not sure he got it. The closest he gets to is it missing Me sometimes. Paladin is very self sufficient.. he doesn't 'need' anyone or anything to be happy within himself. Perhaps I wish that he did 'need' Me sometimes. He's never said that he 'needs' Me. He misses Me.. but I don't know that he 'needs' Me.

But then, Paladin is a highly unusual 'submissive'. His desire is to be submissive to Me, but he is not submissive to others, nor does he react to Dom energy as most submissives do. In fact, he is more likely to run Dom energy then submissive energy if I am not around. When I do put him in control, he does it very, very well and I think it's generally pretty easy for him within certain boundaries. When I mentioned to him last nite about him being in control and hanging on with both hands, his response was along the lines of "and with both feet, and thighs and anything else I can control it with!" That is certainly true.

I read the line about persephone's owners saying that they thought it was time to meet 'her little friend' (referring to her submissive friend).... I looked up at Paladin.. and his height, breadth, his muscles and smiled... one thing that no one would ever call Paladin is a 'little friend'. the line struck Me that Paladin was as being as far away from your 'typical' male submissive as possible. All of My friends who have met Paladin have been quite awed by him. The ladies all certainly admire him and crave to experience him. He does have a sexual magnetism to him that makes several of them drool. He is quite unaware of it himself, but I most certainly am. He is very gallant in everything that he does in regards to Me. Being at him home is like being at a most amazing spa... being pampered and served and pleasured.

The analogy of a male submissive being compared to a large, protecting dog like a German Shepard is to some degree close.. One of his jobs certainly is to protect Me.. in fact, the first part of his mantra to Me say that "I am your protector..." I do call him 'pet', however I have never seen him as one. If I were to see Paladin as an animal, it would much more as a stallion. And not a totally tamed one either. One that is stubborn and partially trained, but mostly cooperative with a specific rider. Mmmm..and this may well embarrass Paladin to some degree.. but I would suffice it to say that he is much more endowed then any dog, not quite a stallion, but more that then a dog certainly. (wide grin)

persephone also mentions that during the course of the evening, her friend was quite focused on her owner (as most subs would be to a Dom), and not on her as she is rather used to, somewhat to the point of persephone being a bit irritated by it. (smile) I can relate to that as well, for I like to be the center of Paladin's attention. He however never expects to be the center of attention and in fact, would rather not be. I am always highly gratified by his attention to Me at any time, any place. He is never more then an arms reach away from Me if we are out somewhere, and usually closer. I am very aware of how focused he is on Me at all times and how closely he watches Me to make sure that there is nothing that I might want or need.

Paladin has also brought about a large shift in My own perceptions of Myself. For years and years.. I was indeed a submissive. I was very much like persephone Myself. But... upon reflection.. I am not anymore. Nor do I identify that way anymore. No.. I am a Mystress now, and that has become My identity to a large degree. Owning Paladin has 'switched' Me to such a degree that I have a hard time picturing Myself going back.

Speaking with one of My dearest friends today about all this and Paladin.. and the uniqueness of his submission to Me made Me think and appreciate the specialness of it. Because of the very fact that he is NOT submissive to anyone else on the planet. That no one else ever sees that special smile.. or his eyes light up.. or know the secrets that I know about him. He is something of an enigma to his friends. I know more about him then his family or long time friends. He would question anything anyone else ever told him to do, but not Me. How special is that? Most subs will submit to the Dom energy of others.. I know I would have in the past. But not Paladin.
The bottom line being... that I am special to him as he is to Me. Although...I could Dom someone else.. but he would not submit to anyone else...and it is said that submission is a great gift that a submissive gives to those they consent to let Dom them.

And in that frame of mind.... then Paladin's gift of submission is all that and more to Me.. because of the uniqueness of his submission to Me. And it is something I never take for granted.. and always appreciate and am even in awe of.

He is the most unusual submissive I have ever known..and he, this magnificent Paladin is Myne.
And towards that.. I thank persephone very much, for it is through the reflection of her blog that I have found an even deeper appreciation of Paladin then ever before.

Thank you pet for being Myne...

Best to all,

Saturday, January 19, 2008

My Last Discipline

This Thursday past i made a big was the night my Mystress was to come over and i don't know why...but i wore a white shirt to work. A white shirt is my Mystress's least favorite color on me. Normally i weara black or gray shirt, the colors of my uniform, when Mystress arrives but for some reason i ended up in a white shirt.

After i sent my morning pic to mystress i received a txt back informing me of my mistake and what it meant to Mystress. It was at this time i realized the extent of my mistake and wasimmediately sorry. For the morning Mystress and i were back and forward in txts clarifying the situation and disussing my punishment.

During the day Mystress posted to the blog about my mistake and asked our guests for some feedback...Devastating posted a lovely comment explaining her view point on the situation. Her comments very closely mirrored what my Mystress was thinking was an appropriate punishement.

That evening when Mystress arrived, i had to convince my Mystress that i really wanted to serve. After some strong back and forth communication the situation was resolved and the lesson learnt.

Mystress pointed out that i do punish myself for each mistake i make..sometimes to an unhealthy point but i do it because i really really really want to be the best i can be for Mystress. Each little mistake to me is a very big mistake for it illustrates my failure. I really have to try harder to be better for Mystress so that Mystress has no need to punish me.

Always striving to improve


Friday, January 18, 2008

Our Current Weekday Rituals - At Six Months

The ritual of our weekday time together is much the same every time we meet.

I have worked to forge it into something predictable and reliable for Paladin and Myself. Some of the aspects vary, but much of the essential framework doesn't. This is also in part to give pet a reliable expectation of things, again, because he is so oriented into a schedule. This is his comfort zone, and there is enough of this that is new to him, so he needs to have some anchors of what to expect, in so much of what he has no idea of what to expect.

Each time I arrive, he greets Me, down on one knee, clad now only in his work shirt, and black and gray wrist and ankle restraints. He holds up his training collar to Me in his left hand, and his other in his sign of fealty, which is his right hand clasped in a fist over his heart.(see 'Paladin's Stances to see pics of this) His black and gray lead line is also nearby on the couch. Generally at this point I kneel in front of him and look into his eyes as he says his mantra to Me as follows:

"I am your loving protector, your Paladin, and i bid my deepest obedience and submission to you, my dear sweet Mystress, guardian of my loving heart."

At this point, I take his training collar from him and buckle
around his neck. I will hug and kiss him then. After waiting a bit, I'll tap him on his shoulder and release him from his position. This is when he will wrap his arms around Me and kiss Me. This is always a very deep embrace that reunites us. It is our releasing to each other of how glad we are to see each other, and we both feel this very strongly. We melt into a kiss and hug.

Then pet gets us drinks. Me usually water, him often juice of some sort. Next he assembles dinner, whether I have brought it, or he fixes it. He will often come and hug, rub and kiss Me while dinner heats up, and then he sets the table and lights the candle for us. We both find this too a very uniting part of our weekly pattern. At dinner we chat and touch hands frequently. If Survivor or something else is on, then we'll eat while watching the show.

After dinner, it depends on what happens next. Sometimes we go straight to the bath, and sometimes I'll get a bit of a massage and sensuality. I do have to remember to take off his restraints before the bath - and then put them back on afterwards.

We take our bath together by candle light which we both enjoy quite a bit, washing and I often have him shave My legs slowly and sensually. This is the time when we also talk about a wide variety of things. Sometimes light, sometime serious. It seems to be a very relaxing time for us both. I shaved pet a few times, but decided it was best that he do it himself. We both enjoy checking for soap, and then drying each other off. When I dry Paladin off, he must stretch his hands out to touch the opposite walls of the bathroom and I relish rubbing his beautiful skin dry and to a ruddy glow. He has to stay that way until I release him.

Fresh and smooth from the bath, we adjourn to the bedroom.Paladin lights the two taller candles, and then we each light one wick of the dual wicked candle that we got for our Commitment Ceremony. Then it's time
for him to finish his more 'intimate' shaving duties of Me when it is needed. He seems to be getting more relaxed about them, and I still find it both relaxing, reassuring and very erotic.

Where we go from that point varies. Normally it starts with Paladin blindfolded and laying on his back being self restrained. Sometimes I tie him when I feel that he needs to really have his power taken away. Sometimes, I give him a nice, slow erotic spanking with lots of rubbing. And I also love to tease him with all sorts of things. I have learned to tease him until he begs for Me to release him. but he does not beg for his own release.. nooo.. pet is such that what he begs for is to give Me pleasure! For what he wants to be most of all, is a pleasure slave. And he is.. he is again, the most remarkable man in that way. For he desires to serve Me by giving Me pleasure above all things. And that.. (like everything else he does) he does amazingly well. And he listens and observes very closely, so that he knows exactly how to do it better then anyone I have ever known. He has learned to tease Me the same way that I do him. So our evening is such that it consists of both of us being teased by the other till we can barely stand it. There is always much passion and affection and often laughter.

It used to be that I would leave on weeknights and drive Myself home somewhere around between 10 and 11ish. But in recent weeks, it has come to be that now I spend the nights with Paladin. And I have to say.. I so much prefer it to leaving him at night. If I am working, then I drive off to work from pets, but if not, then I drive home. I'd so much rather do it after sleeping curled next to pet rather then having to rouse Myself from being weak limbed with pleasure, get dressed and leave pet to drive home in the dark of nite. Somehow the leaving diminished the comfort of the visit. He seems to have quite gotten used to Me spending the nite with him as he sleeps much quieter now then he used to. In the morning before his shower, I take off his restraints and after his shower, his collar.

I have come love the mornings as much as the nights. I did get quite a chuckle a couple weeks ago when Paladin came down the hall from his bedroom, fresh from his shower, naked and carrying his clothes... with a q-tip sticking out of his ear. When I laughed at how he looked, he grinned and said that his hands had been full. Still.. tis those little moments like that that give Me some of the greatest pleasure of being with pet. I love watching him get dressed.. and knotting his tie.

Something else that I have come to cherish, is those mornings when I don't have to work, and Paladin will allow Me to stay in his home until he comes home from work at lunch time. And.. the one truly magical day that I got to spend the whole day. We had lunch together, and I got to be there when he came home, and then, wonder of wonders... have another evening with him to rise on a Saturday morning, slow lazy and relaxed. Mmmmm, such a rare and wonderful treat.

When time comes to leave, we discuss our next meeting, usually what we'll have for dinner or which of us will get it. I find I feel much better leaving him when I know when I will be seeing him again before I go. Since we have set up our meetings on Tuesdays and Thursdays I never have to wonder and that is a vast relief. But sometimes something will come up and I won't see him on those days. If he has an early meeting, or will be having a long day, or if I have spent time with him and I feel he needs time alone. I want to give him space as well to be himself and alone. He's told Me that he recharges much better when he is alone. I have to understand that and give him the space he needs as his work demands a lot of his mental capacity and I never want to be a cause of stress to him.

After we finish breakfast, he gives Me another deep kiss and embrace and he walks Me down to the car. With a last good by kiss by My car, he heads off to his own and I head off, carrying his energy and scent on Me.

He often sends Me a text, which I return when I arrive home or at the next place I stop.

Pet has learned the importance of the progression of things. And because he is such a strongly schedule oriented person, I believe that it fits in well with his personality. Everything that
I do with and for him is geared to be that way. Each thing to enhance, teach and arouse us both.

Paladin has learned a lot about ambiance in the months since we met. He always lights a candle on the dining table, some in the bathroom, and two more on the nite stand in his bedroom, plus our special candle with a dual wick. I will usually have Paladin put some music on as well.

Little of what happens is strictly for one or the either of us and we frequently point that out to each other as well. Tis our pleasure that we share together.

I am moved to that he has kept the table in his bedroom. When we first met, there was only his bed. Now a place to set the much needed glasses of water along with the candles. I do not desire to change anything in his home that might put him off balance or make him feel intruded on. He has said that perhaps he would get a nite stand for the other side of the bed. That would be nice, but only if it's something he genuinely desires to do. It would certainly make it easier to have a place for water and My phone at nite.

Well... so there it is. The pattern of our weeknights. Our weekends are often quite the same, just with extra time for pleasure thrown in. And movies. We both love to watch movies. Paladin just got one that I am very anxious to watch with him, but it's a long one and we'll have to wait for another weekend day in a few weeks to come along. We have come to find that we enjoy many things together, and each other's company. One of the sweetest things that Paladin has ever said to Me (well, it was really a text ) that he sent earlier in the week saying that he had awakened in the middle of the night missing Me. I can't say how deeply that touched Me.

I look forward to the continued evolution of our experience.

As always,
best to all,

Good times keep rolling

Last night as always was a wonderful night again..with much happiness and joy abound. Our rituals held strong and we partook in each of them..from our dinner to the wonderful bath time. We hung my swords..something i had been looking forward to since Monday...and they do look lovely..hanging there side by side...mmm thank you Mystress for the wonderful start.

Mystress is truly wonderful at teasing and the sensations Mystress generates are impossible to describe...lets just say they are WOW and MMM. Mystress too recevied some wonderful pleasure and as Mystress said..finally we were both well satisfied. The night seemed to fly by and before i knew it it was tome for bed...although not wanting to go to sleep we did for work was going to come as fast as the night had passed...but even though it does allow one the ability to look forward to another wonderful day with Mystress on Sunday...the snack list Mystress rea off was quite extensive and i'll be adding more to it Sunday...a light dinner if any at all will be all thats required.

We should really enjoy the day as both of us love to watch football and relax on the couch...chatting the day away...i am sure the half time shows will be amazing too :) If only there was a break at the quarters too :)

Back to work i go...and again..thank you Mystress for a wonderful evening last night.


Resolved and Spontaneous Celebration

Well...Paladin was suitably contrite. And he was long before I arrived at his home. He is as I have said, something of a perfectionist, and I did indeed take Devestatingly's advice to heart and pondered it seriously as the afternoon passed.

Paladin apologized during the day several times for upsetting Me. When I arrived I stood a bit of a distance this time as he he spoke his mantra instead of kneeling close to him as I usually do. Then he gave Me another truly heartfelt apology. Paladin always punishes himself for his 'imperfection' more then I would. I finally knelt next to him, and buckled his collar on. I could feel the relief in his body when I did. When I tapped him on the shoulder to release him, he swept Me into his arms and hugged Me very, very tightly.

After he released Me, he started into the kitchen to get Me some water. But, I stopped him and I called him over to put his restraints on him. I could again, sense the relief in his as I did and I could feel him trembling when he hugged Me afterwards.

Again.. Devastatingly's words
"One of my guiding principles is that the relationship, including the d/s, is about pleasure and satisfaction. It's not about trying to accomplish something in some heavy way" did fit into the state of My heart, and the relationship that Paladin and I have with each other. So by the time I arrived, I had realized that his not having his restraints on to greet Me in would be more then enough correction to him because he values them so much. Once he had apologized and his restraints were properly clasped upon his wrists and ankles, then all was forgiven and left behind. For one of the great things pet has taught Me, is to not dwell on negative things, and move forward as much as possible.

And.. this turned out to be a nite for a special celebration.. because...

Sometime in the afternoon pet sent a text saying that he had been hired full time at his job! This was something that he had been hoping would happen sometime this year. The fact that it happened so early was an excellent thing. He is brilliant at what he does, and I am glad that his employers recognized it.

Since I was bringing dinner, I brought the meal that pet most likes to have for celebration, and that is lamb. A wonderful rack from Costco.. amazingly tender and tasty! And.. on My way out, I passed the shirts, and found a lovely gray one in pet's size. So I was thrilled to be able to give him a special gift to mark this special day. I will want him to wear it on Monday, his first official day as a full time employee.

While dinner was cooking we hung the swords. Paladin had already put up the hanger's that they would hang in. The only blip was that as pet was hanging them, the tip of the sharpened one slipped a bit and nicked him on the thigh. A wee bit of blood welled up. Pet being ever resourceful pulled out his first aid kit and cleaned it with an alcohol pad and bandaged it. So My Paladin has a slight wound from a sword. But.. the swords do look lovely hanging side by side on his wall. He thanked Me several times for getting him the sword Anduril for Christmas.
The inscription down the length of the blade on both sides is in the language of Quenya, written in the runes of Eregion, that say "Nanye Anduril i ne Narsil i macil Elendilo. Lercuvanten i mali Mordoreo." This translates to "I am Anduril who was Narsil, the sword of Elendil. Let the thralls of Mordor flee me." This seemed like an appropriate gift and one that I had him pick out on our early Chirstmas shopping trip to the flea market. This gift he says prompted him to finally begin the sword collection he has wanted for many years now. He says he'll be adding one every 3 months. Will be interesting to see what his future choices will be.

After dinner, was our bath. We sat and talked until the water was almost cold.
As per what has been becoming a ritual for us, I have pet go lay blindfolded on his bed. Sometimes I tie him, and other times I simply have him self-restrained, which means he has to put his hands under his back and lay on top of them, which is what I had him do last nite. And.. again.. plied him with the floggers, crop, special glove, soft things and prickly things until his body was racked with shudders. He begged to be able to hold and kiss Me. And it took a while and quite a bit more teasing before I finally released him to do so. Tis always wonderful to experience that moment when I do release him, and I feel the restrained passions in his grasp when he pulls Me close to him. The unrestrained stallion.... ummmmm!

After we were both sated (and he did one heck of a job at it, yes indeeedy!) ... I curled against him and we both slept well. I awoke about 6:45 to watch him sleep and wait for the alarm to go off at 7. He awoke himself just a few moments before it did. We snuggled for a bit before pet went off to the showers, and I to get dressed. A light breakfast of bagels and coffee and we were on our separate ways.

And so.. another evening together passed. Next up will be Sunday.. and the football games, and as Paladin pointed out and reminded Me.. the finale of Amazing Race. I had forgotten all about it. Paladin and I both love scallops and I have gotten some bacon wrapped ones as part of our snacks during the games. Along with a couple other things. Don't think we'll be needing a regular lunch, just these tasty snacks - and each other!

Best to all out there,

Thursday, January 17, 2008

What to do, what to do?

Paladin's 'uniform' colors are black and gray. And those are the colors that I most prefer him in.

In his work shirts, I least like him in white. It's too mundane and does not suit his coloring nearly as well as the other colors. He looks very good in blue as well because of his beautiful blue eyes.
However.. He knows what his uniform colors are, and that he is supposed to be in those when we are 'together'. So he knows to wear those on any weekend day that we are together. I'll allow his black sports outfits because they are comfortable to him, however I always prefer him in his black jeans.

Paladin has been wearing either black or gray shirts for the past several weeks on the days I see him and when he sends his morning pic, he always looks so stunningly handsome in them.

This morning.. he sends his pic.. and he is in .... white.


Not a good move pet.

He did not remember My telling him NOT to wear white on a day I see him. He said he had worn blue and white before and it was okay. Well... the shirt I have of his is blue.. and so I had had him wear a blue one to switch this one out with. But since then.. he has worn black or gray on days I see him. So I thought he knew. When I saw him in the white shirt today, I wrote him back to tell him that white was NOT okay, unless he does not desire to serve Me that day. He immediately wrote to say that he did want to serve. Thats when he wrote and said that he was confused since he had worn white and blue in the past and he thought it was okay.

Since he said he was confused, I tried to simplify it for him. I asked him what colors I like him most in.
"Black and gray" he texted back.
"And what color do I least like you in".
white" he wrote back.
"Exactly and exactly" I wrote back.

Sooooo.. if you KNOW what colors your Mystress likes... and what She doesn't.. even if you DON'T remember to wear your uniform colors, or think you need to.. why on earth would you wear Her least favorite color on a day She is going to see you????

Consequences are.. he will not be allowed to wear his restraints until he convinces Me that he truly wants to be of service. I hate punishing pet by striking him. I have done it.. and I can do it. But I don't think that will teach the lesson that I want to here. It would be a sure fire way to clear the air and end it all. I am sure that he will never forget the lesson after our flurry of text messages back and forth this morning.. but.. he still has to earn his way back into My good graces.

I told him he had the day to do it.
So far.. nothing unusual.

Perhaps I have been too lenient as of late. I did warn him in advance on Sunday about his making sure he had on the right kind of shirt when I saw him then. Else he would not have. He did not remember to have it on. And.. I gave him grace on his blog last nite so he could relax and watch a movie. And this morning, he wears a shirt color he knows I least like him in, although he did not do it on purpose, he just didn't really think about it. But shouldn't he have?

Because I am going to watch football with him on Sunday, I was reluctant to see him this evening. Especially after he explained how he best recharges being totally alone. And I do understand this. He is a very private person who needs that alone time. Sunday is a special event so to speak, although it was not an 'easy' date to get with him. When I asked if he was going to be watching the games, he said yes, he'd have them on. Period. I had already said that I would love to watch them with him, but there was no response to that gentle hint.


I know that he does the best that he can in general. And we'll just have to see how this afternoon evolves. I realize he's most likely having a very busy work day, and I certainly don't hold him responsible for not being able to text Me when he is. However.. there are such things as bathroom breaks, and if I had a hint my Mystress was upset, I think I would have taken one somewhere in the couple of hours to send Her a text groveling a bit more. Especially since I had to work so hard to get Her to agree to see me tonight.

Well.. perhaps a break from routine would be a good thing. Damm, sometimes I hate being a Libra!!! I can go back and forth one something like this when I am unsure of exactly what it is I want to do. So much easier when things are clear cut. But... I have to take how far he has come into consideration. Or do I? Perhaps a good jerk on his lead line is in order. I had even considered giving him those five smacks with the belt for this. And maybe I still will. If a rule is not totally clear cut, then is it right to discipline him? Makes Me wish I had the kind of readers that some other blogs have where I'd get some suggestions during the day from our readers to tell Me what they think.

If you do happen to stop by between now and 5pm PST, please drop a line and let Me know what you think or what your suggestion would be. I could use some help here today.

Still pondering...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Duties Revised

Mystress has asked me to update my duties so i do as my dear Mystress orders.

My daily duties as they stand now include the following.

1. I must text Mystress three times a day. The first must be as soon as i am awake, the second at noon, and the last before i go to sleep. This duty has evolved over the years and now i constantly txt my dear Mystress even just to share a thought.

2. When i wake and before i got to sleep i must practice my positions. This includes 2 min in the Bracelet position, 2 min in my Kneeling Position and 2 min in "The Position".

3. I must keep the blog going and keep up my posts.

4. I must tease myself and get as close to cresting without cresting twice a day.

5. I must send a picture of myself in the morning in my work clothes and in the evening in whatever i change into.

6. At noon every day i am to txt Mystress my Mantra. In return Mystress sends me her mantra which lightens my day beyond belief. My txt mantra is as follows.

"I am your Paladin, your protector, and i bid my obedience and submission to you, my dear sweet Mystress, guardian of my heart."

7. Whenever my Mystress leaves me...upon her return to the room...i am to give her my sign of fealty and acknowledge her wonderful presence.

8. When i bring my Mystress something...i am to drop to my knee and present whatever i bring to Mystress.

9. I am to ask Mystress for permission when ever we are together to use the restroom. For my penis belongs to Mystress and i need her permission to touch it.

10. I am to tell Mystress whenever i feel even the slightest headache approaching.

11. Upon Mystress arriving at my place or whenever we get together..i am to greet Mystress by taking my kneel position, naked, with my collar in hand, give her the sign of fealty, and deliver my mantra to Mystress.

"I am your Paladin, your protector, and i bid my obedience and submission to you, my dear sweet Mystress, guardian of my heart."

12. I must wait patiently and only eat/drink after my Mystrss has taken the first bite/sip.

13. I must keep up all the chores around our house. To keep the garden clean and watered.

14. I must always do my best to make my Mystress the happiest she can be. This involves checking in with Mystress very often to make sure all is good.

15. In bed, i muust assume the position and hold still and wait for my Mystress to come to bed. I am only allowed to move once released from this position.

Finally...its not really a duty...but more an intense desire...and that is to be the best pet i can be for my dear Mystress.

With much Love


Monday, January 14, 2008

Amazing Indeed

Amazing only begins to describe our wonderful weekend...Perhaps our guest have gotten tired about read how wonderful things are each time Mystress and I are together but its so true...we both make the time together so special and yummy...

The weekend started after a short errand i had but wow was it a wonderful start. Mystress arrived all smiling and happy and the wonderful weekend was underway. I won't drone on about what Mystress calls the mundane...the meals and tv watching and such...for even though it may be a mundane activity...its still so special to do them with Mystress...we have a grand old time even with the mundane and each time...even the mundane draws us closer together...

Watching TV and football with Mystress showed us that even though pleasure is a very important aspect for us both...that we can and do enjoy many other activities...the football games were great and very exciting and the half time shows were....shall we say...very tasty...

The cycle of relaxation...lounging in front of the TV and pleasure was so magical....very very energy recharing and quite amazing.

The two baths...yes two wonderful baths, were a favorite of Mystress and I have posted in previous posts...we find the bath time to be the most relaxing and open times. We talk our minds and have a wonderful good ole conversation...lovely indeed.

Sunday morning was a luxury for sure...Mystress and I have had a number of weekend mornigs together but this one we were absolutely in no rush...we woke early..well not too early...yet we lounged in bed cuddled up...snuggled together soaking up the moment. Eventually hunger drove us from the a nice and refreshing shower and then some good breakfast.

One of the activites Mystress and I love to partake in is taking times tieing each other up...and teasing one another to frenzied the point where we beg for relase and when its granted...its very very intense. We have many items we use to do this but Mystress loves to add to the collection....well Mystress's new addition is very very wicked.

The new addition is simply called Vampire Gloves....sound wicked...well they truly are...they are a pair of gloves...with many many sharp tacs in the finger slips them on and tortures the skin with the sharp tacs...its a very very intense sensory exhiliration to have ones entire body responding to the loving having the gloves rubbed all over ones was intense and Mystress can attest to that. We took it very easy the first time but i am sure we will be using them more and more in the future.

So now we look forward to the next time Mystress and I are together...Mystress has shared some things that she would love to have done to her...and they are definitely on the menu for the near future...

Thank you again for the wonderful weekend so special...

with so much love


Yet Another Amazing Weekend

Such a delightful weekend. Much of it was mundane but shared delights. And of course, a Sunday morning where we didn't have to get up early.


Paladin kneeling in greeting. Mmmm.. lucky for him I sent him a text reminding him that he best have on a shirt that buttoned all the way down the front. He'd sent Me his morning picture which didn't show him him in the sort of shirt I wanted to see him in. And thats the sort that's all buttons. Why? Because I love to unbutton them. I just find something incredibly sexy about it. When I asked him if this was the shirt he had on when I sent him the text, he said no, it wasn't. I don't think he'll forget again, but he won't get another reminder.

And he would have. Paladin enjoys football, and so do I. The season is winding down. I don't watch a whole lot during the regular season. There isn't any team I follow. But I like the playoffs. But they are something I can easily forget, especially with Paladin and pleasure on the mind. I don't quite remember what time it was on Saturday when it occurred to Me to ask him if there were any games on on Sat. "Yes" he replied..there was. Hmmmm.. I have rather been following the undefeated Patriots and he said that game would be coming on later in the evening. Then it occurred to me.. that pet had been willing to sacrifice watching the playoff games to be with Me. He said he would have just checked the scores later. He would have spent the whole day in bed with Me if I'd wanted him to and I would never have realized what he was giving up for Me. I am glad that I remembered.. and I'm glad I asked.. because it turned out to be something we both enjoyed sharing so very much together! So, now he is Commanded to tell Me such things.

First there was however some wonderful pleasure shared... Paladin does have an amazing touch and is so perceptive of how to arouse Me. I asked him to tie Me.. and he did. And did many wonderful things! It was so very incredibly intense as usual. Although it never feels 'as usual'.

Afterwards.. we took our lovely bath... and Paladin made an amazing steak dinner for us and then we cuddled on his couch and we watched the game. When halftime came.. well.. Paladin decided to provide Me with our own special version of as he called it 'halftime entertainment'. Mmmmm.. so wonderful! Sign Me up for that over and over again! Followed by wonderful cheesecake dessert.

Gotta admit, one of the benefits of football over rugby is that rugby doesn't have any halftime. Speaking of rugby.. one of the highlights of the weekend was pet showing Me his book of rugby article and pics. It was wonderful to read about his success's.. and see him looking so muddy and beat up on the field. Funny how sexy he looked to Me that way. In one pic, his eyebrow and cheek is smudged with mud as are both his knees and his uniform. He's got a determined look in his eye that just melted My heart. There is another one where he is being 'drilled' as he calls it. He's a couple of feet up in the air being doubled over by an opposition player right in the stomach. Gosh.. you can see the harshness of the impact. Such a blow. My amazing warrior. Watching the football games and the guys yelling at each other... I asked pet if he'd ever done that.. and he said yes.. but.. in his case, it wasn't because he was loosing his cool, but quite the opposite.. everything he did was precisely calculated. When he did it, he knew exactly what he was saying and doing. and My tricky pet was trying to get the other side pissed off so that they would get a penalty. (smile) I would dearly have loved to watch him play on one hand.. and yet, on the other.. knowing what a rough game it is.. and how many times he was hurt.. and that he played while he was hurt .... that would have been very hard for Me to watch and endure. We both enjoyed the football game very much and like everything else.. twas a wonderful bonding time.

Afterwards.. it was time for pet to be tied.. and so he was.
I also gave him another erotic spanking... longer and a bit harder then the other one. Each time I am ramping him up more and more. So far.. he's not said it was too much and that he's been enjoying it. I want to see how much he can and will take. How much pleasure he'll get from it. To what point will he go? And.. I used My newest innovation on him (which I am going to let him describe) along with everything else. ice.. wax... crop... over and over. He was far away by the time I untied him and rolled him over into My arms. He thanked Me again.. I know how much he needs this, and I love to give it to him. Then it was his turn to give Me pleasures before we drifted off together.

We did go to sleep at a fairly reasonable time, and pet did wake Me to give Me pleasure's as I do dearly love. We slept in till 10 in the morning... such a luxury! A very slow shower. Pet thought he only needed a rinse off, but I do so love to wash My sexy Paladin. He said he'd wash his hair the next day.. but.. I wasn't having any of that either. No... just as in Secretary... Massaging his head long and slow, admiring the water falling over the strong slope of his shoulder and chest as I tilted his head back to rinse it. Then pet fixed us a wonderful breakfast which we ate while watching the next game in the playoffs.

Again, more companionableness cuddled on the couch while Paladin began his laundry. After that game.. it was time for the next, but he insisted on some more pleasures for Me. This one was... well... perhaps one of the most incredible of any other time. He again tied Me up and used many things on Me (including My new home made innovation) as well.. and ramped Me up till was I almost unconscious with pleasure and a mind bending orgasm. In the end.. when he'd untied Me... I had to have him turn My head so I could look at him as I didn't even have the energy for that. Mmm... now THAT's amazing!

After the game there was a show on Demand that I wanted pet to see while we ate our afternoon snack of cheese fondue and French bread. Yummy! Then time for another lovely bath.. and then time to share Amazing Race, followed by part 1 of the newest Lonesome Dove mini series. And then what do you think? Yes.. some more pleasures. Mmm.. wonderful yet again.

This was followed by a deeply profound intimate conversation while curled closely in Paladin's arms of some of My deepest secret longings. It made Me blush to tell him, but he wanted Me to tell him.. and so I did. Things I've never told anyone I wanted. And in turn, I had him tell Me one. And based on that.. which was that he wanted Me to watch him cum.. I replied that there was no time like the present.. and I turned on his closet light.. and braced his bathroom door open and turned on that light also so that I had plenty of light to watch by. Mmmmmm Gosh was that incredibly sexy!!! So so so so HOT!!!! And such range! Watching pet splatter all over his chest.... Made Me so incredibly horny to watch him pleasure himself that I had to have pet give Me another orgasm so I could sleep. This made for a much later nite, yet again. But still.. so darn worth it. I woke up around 6 and watched pet sleeping. One of My favorite things to do.

Morning came too soon.. stayed in bed till 7:20, sent pet to the showers while I got dressed. I wasn't ready to wash his scent or energy off of Me. I love feeling him still on Me.

A hug and a kiss... and the weekend was over and off we went separate ways, but carrying each other in our hearts. And.. looking already forward to the next time.

Well.. as always,
best to all,
a very very happy Mystress

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Clearing Things Up

Well.. that's a relief!

After a short phone call with Paladin this morning, while he is off running a morning chore before My visit, it is cleared up that he has no desire to spank Me. Twas the way that he wrote things that made Me think so, but what he was simply referring to was to returning the favor of providing Me with hours of pleasure. That I like and can handle. The other still had Me in a bit of a tizzy and yet, I was attempting to be open minded. As I told him, the only way that I could handle him doing that, is if My own Master directly Commanded him to do it to Me, and Commanded Me to submit to it. So.. while there will be as pet says 'plenty of pleasure'... there will be no dammed spanking, be it pleasurable or otherwise!

(smile) Paladin says essentially that I have evolved into this Domming place, and he would not want to do anything to take Me backwards into a submissive place. And My feeling is the same.. with the caveat of not with him. For there IS a place for Me with My own Master in regards to this. He is still quite sick however, but he is getting slowly better. I see him a couple times a week as I take him to his doctors appointments still. The wound his shoulder(from a horrid staph infection that he got from a steroid shot in his shoulder for a pinched nerve) is still huge and deep and Master tried to take himself off the pain pills, but could not sleep for a week and finally resigned himself the he would have to go back on them much to his regret.

My Master is very proud of what I do with Paladin, and very supportive of it. It has been amusing to discuss the different things that I do with Paladin and get input from Master about some of the ideas that he has for doing things as well. Things have come a very far way from the submissive that I was to the Mystress that I am now. And.. it has come to pass that I have to be around a truly strongly Dominate person for My submissive side to surface at all now. In the past, it was the mode I was in most of the time. Paladin is also very proud of who and what I have become in this journey, and hence I was quite surprised to think that he wanted to spank Me. But.. I suppose it is a testament to My open mindedness and trust in him that I was even willing to consider the idea.

In reflection, the only reason that I was, is because Paladin does have a very strong controlling personality and I expected I could see him channeling that energy in regards to this. But.. as I told him on the phone, My base instinct was still "NO %$#*&@# WAY! And that made him chuckle andI think happy.

I do have Myne own plans as far as things I want to do with Paladin.. and I worked some of the day yesterday on what My Knight called a 'diabolical' 'arts and crafts' project to use on pet today. (very wicked grin!) He'll certainly be spending time tied down and blindfolded as well, and it will be before Me. Wonder how I will like them when he uses them on Me?

So, on that happy note, I sign off for now. Getting ready for Paladin's text that he is on his way home.. and 'let the games begin!"

We'll both be off line until until Sun or Mon.

Best to all out there,

Friday, January 11, 2008

A weekend of new discussions

Sat is almost upon us and I know Mystress and i have been looking forward to it immensly. It promises to be a wonderful weekend as we shall be making up for some lost time., partaking in some rituals we have missed last week such as our bath. Definitely looking foward to this time with Mystress...the water caressing us...keeping us warm and very relaxed.

Before our wonderful weekend i must apologize to Mystress for delaying my txt...i shall not rationalize Mystress's rules regardless of my intent for Mystress does know best. Mystress being awake since 6:15 to make sure i was up and on my way early sure was a very touching piece of news...This is yet another example of how wonderful my Mystress is..she is so amazing..caring and thoughtful and oh i do love her. Thank you dear Mystress.

It seems this weekend shall also be a weekend of discussion...another aspect i do enjoy with Mystress. Our communication is very important to us both and all topics make our understanding of one another all the more powerful. Looking forward to it all well as other lessons we have discussed brielfy this past week.

With Love


Assumptions are Dangerous and Other Thoughts

Assumptions will often get you in trouble. Paladin made one this morning that might have gotten him in big trouble if I was in such a mood. I am making a exception because he meant well. However...meaning well does not change the rules or else it would much to easy for chaos to ensue.

Paladin is supposed to text Me whenever he wakes up in the morning. It's the first thing he is supposed to do when his eyes open, before his feet hit the floor. Doesn't matter what time it is. I knew he had a unusually early morning meeting and was awake waiting for his text since around 6:15. Now, I didn't expect him to be up quite that early, but thought he would be around 6:30ish
There have been a couple times where pet has over slept a bit, and once I called and woke him so that he could get to work on time. Knowing this, I was a bit concerned about him being up earlier then usual. And as I just happened to wake up early, I was pseudo awake until I knew he was up alright. I was not exactly sure what time this early meeting was going to be, but knew he had to be up by 7 at the latest.

At 7:03 I sent him a text to ask if he was up yet, and he wrote back to say yes, he had been waiting for his normal time to send his text, around 7:03-05. Next came his morning pic, meaning he had been up, showered and was now dressed. I wrote back and told him that it is NOT up to him to think, nor to decide when to text. His Command is to do it when he wakes up. He wrote back and apologized. I am posting about this because I think its an important subject.

Subs don't get to change the rules, nor make the decisions in regards to their Owners. While pet 'thought' he was being thoughtful by not waking Me up with his text, that is not what his rule is. It is hard and fast. Text Me when you wake up. No matter what time. If you can't sleep and are up early, you are still to text Me. I want to know what time you woke up so that I will know the state of your wakefulness and how long you've been up. Same rule goes for your headaches, which is indeed a new rule for you. I want to know when you have them and not have to ask you anymore. Because I can do something about then with Reiki, it's not up to you to think you have the choice not to tell Me. I know you need dark, quiet and rest when they occur. Again, something that I as your Owner need to be aware of.

We Owners make rules for a variety of reasons. Some we communicate to you and some we don't. Some are flexible but many of them are not. But, again, it is never for a sub to decide which are which. All should be taken as hard and fast unless it is specifically discussed - in advance.

Now, to ramble and think a bit out loud about something Paladin said in his post. Yes, I am going to pets this weekend as he did need his rest last nite. And when I am there, I do let him do some of the things to Me that I do to him. And.. I enjoy it very very much. He is amazing at what he does. And we have made some plans for him to do those to Me this weekend. And I did indeed give him a very long and erotic spanking. I have had these pleasurable ones Myself in the past from past Masters. And there is a huge difference between a spanking for punishment or discipline, and one done slowly, lovingly and erotically. There is something about the slow building of endorphins. What I am not so sure of, is if I am going to let him to one do Me. My first inclination is "heck no!" But... upon further thought.. I'm not so sure. Getting any sort of spanking puts one in a submissive space. Well.. so does being blindfolded and tied for that matter. And there is something I do find incredibly erotic about it. But.. I have always maintained in the past with Paladin, that of all the things I do let him do, the one thing I wouldn't, is to spank Me. I was a bit surprised that he brought it up, and that he seems to want to do it. And I know that he has good reasons for wanting to do it.. to give Me some pleasure because he found it so pleasurable.

In the past, I have put him 'in charge'. And to some degree, he did a good job, but his heart wasn't in it. And I don't really desire to 'switch' our roles very much. But this whole thing this weekend has been Paladin's idea. From wanting to tie Me up for hours of pleasure, to this most recent idea of his.

It has come rather out of the blue to Me, and I'm not exactly sure what to think. But, I am willing to keep an open mind about it all. In the end, I suppose that this is one of those things that I'll just have to see how it evolves. If there are so many other things that I am willing to let him do.. why not this? Well. because I guess it's always been rather the ultimate in submission. But.. in the end.. it comes down to trust. And not only do I love Paladin... I trust him totally. And.. he is willing to explore something with Me that will also take a lot of trust on his behalf, so to Me.. that does make us equal in regards to trust.

So... we'll see what happens next in our ever evolving journey.

Meanwhile.. as always.. best to all out there,
and thanks for stopping by.