Friday, November 30, 2012

'Do-me' subs...

Greetings all,

As a first note, this is NOT remotely about Paladin. But it is something that's been on my mind and I've been thinking about.  In my first note back from my trip, I noted that I had other things to discuss, and there's not been any mention of J either.  This relates to him. I'd been waiting for the right time to write about this here, and it seem this is the time.

And this, is what summed it up and broke it open so I could find a place to write about this from. I came across this on Fet by MissJenny The Waxinatrix (from LA ) a Pro Domme and it really struck me as well said, so I wanted to share it. I wrote to ask her if I could use it and she said sure. (This is how to find her on Fet if anyone wants to - https://fetlife.com/users/415392)

Already I see a response in my inbox. I can't resist opening it...
Hello mistress I am a curious slave looking to serve. I want or worship your sexy legs. Feet. Sit on my face for your pleasure. I've been a bad boy mommy may punish ,e. capture me and punish me commandant.

My lunch has a few seconds to go, so I respond:
I can see you're a total newbie. You don't seem to understand the difference between a slave and a 'do-me bottom'. A slave asks a Mistress what She wants of him and is prepared to do mundane chores for Her. A 'do-me bottom' just cares about his own kinks. And the whole "I've been a bad boy mommy, punish me!' sounds like something out of a bad porn...Still, no matter. I can train you. You may worship My feet and legs. I will imprison you. I will sit on your face (strictly CFNM) and show you what true BDSM is all about.


She goes on to relate the other reply's she got.  The part that stood out to me though, is what she says about the difference between a slave and 'do-me bottom' in one of the best ways I'd read.  Why this comes up for me is that I have had stopped 'training'  J the local sub who had come to feel like more of a do-me bottom then a real  sub.  He has submissive tendencies, but lord, he just can't seem to let go and let the Domme be in control.  He means well, but he makes me feel nuttier then I already am sometimes.    Although he is very kind and helpful, when I was training him, he was very vocal about wanting to be touched and 'played'.  He wanted me to jerk him off.  I can't help him with that, I can understand that he wants it, maybe even needs it,  but it also means we are not a good match for what he wants.  If he was just a 'service' sub, come clean and hang out, yeah, that would work.  But he also has some communication problems (although he doesn't think so, yet he's written several times about 'misunderstandings'... which to my mind is... communication problems!  Geeesh).  Communication is a huge deal to me and if someone can't get it together, then I can't hang with it for very long.  It gets to be too much work and totally un-enjoyable. So those two things were big on my mind before my trip to CA.

Here is the back story of what brought it a crescendo before crashing down:

While I was away in California, I thought about it a lot, and had come to the conclusion that I was feeling too much pressure from him to go further then I was comfortable with.  Then I found myself feeling guilty for this. And then, that made me mad.  In all the years I've owned Paladin, he never once made me feel guilty for anything.  He will defer an orgasm for himself when asked after I've had more then I can count.  Sometimes I'll insist, and he's always happy, but he's never unhappy when he doesn't.  Always the same amazing warm, loving and protective pet.  The Ultimate.   J posted a question about the 'Perfect sub or slave'.  Most folks, including myself said there is no such thing.  But... Paladin is as close as I think there is in 99% of the ways.  So, I mused and compared  his non-pressure to J's always present pressure on my long  train trip back, and had made the decision to back him way off and that was before he screwed up my birthday.


Some long term readers may remember that my brother was buried on my birthday, and that my mom died just before it, and my bday was two days before hers and she's always said I was her best bday present... so, my bday is always a tough day.    Paladin had to work, but we had plans for dinner.  My best new friend here in Texas, Lady A, knew that my bday is a tough day and wanted to be sure I wasn't alone if I didn't want to be.  Unbeknownst to me, sub J asked her what to get me for my birthday, she told him TWICE to call me and invite me out to lunch.    On the morning of my birthday, I was sooo glad to be home, but I knew what day it was, and here, far from CA where I grew up, feeling alone, I wished that J had asked me out to lunch so I didn't have to be all alone.  Later in the day , I saw Lady A online, and she asked how I was doing. I told her I was feeling a bit down.  She asked hadn't J invited me to lunch and told her no... was he supposed to?  And she blew up.. yes.. he was supposed to.. she hadn't wanted me to be alone on my bday if I didn't want to. She said she had told him twice!   And then.. whoops.. J had stepped on the land mine that was my bday.  Reasonable or not, it infuriated me that he hadn't done what he had been told, and exactly when his obedience counted the most.  He said that he had decided I wouldn't want company or to do anything after my long trip, so he didn't ask.  But.. in retrospect.. that was just a ongoing pattern with him.  It was all more then I could handle, and with Paladins support and encouragement, I dropped J from being in Service to me, but kept him as a member of The House of Swan on Fet, He was devastated and made me feel terrible for the decision I made to preserve myself and my sanity. But I have to take care of myself first, and so I've stuck by my decision. 

In the time since I've been back, I've kept in contact with him, and am still mentoring him.  I hope he can find what he wants, but he'll have to drop so much negativity and find a way to buoy himself up.  I know it's not just me that feels this way, because many of the other Domme's in the area feel the same way.  His self loathing has led to our SAF party host to not want his help for many things she needs help with.  She says he scares her some with his attitudes, and that its just too hard to keep propping someone up who only sees the negative side of life.

So... whats a 'do-me sub' to do to get done?  As one friend said, 'too bad prostitution is illegal, cuz the boy really needs to get laid." Agreed.  But he needs to also learn that the whining about being so lonely and wanting everyone to touch him is a huge turn off.  

Anyways.. so.. that's my bit about do-me subs.  Beware of them, they are exhausting!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, as we did camping with our wonderful friends!  Paladin proved himself amazing yet again in his setting up and tearing down of camp.

New surprise last week? Paladin's family has decided to come visiting the week before Christmas.  So we have some things to do to get ready for them.  Paladin says this time will be different from last time, although I still have to stay alone in my room upstairs while they are here again.  ;-(  But. on the good side, my divorce will be final on Jan 30... and then, I shouldn't have to do the upstairs bit again!  

Hope everyone is as happy as they can be,
Best wishes for the holiday season,
Mystress  

 

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Thanksgiving Celebrations

Hello All

Its been so very long since my last post and for a variety of reasons all of which are super duper and centered around my dear Mystress.

We have been happily living 24/7 now and branching out mixing with our new family in Texas. We are so lucky to have found such wonderful new friends here as its made our transition a breeze so far. B & B have been the best and this Thanksgiving we started a new tradition, camping with friends for Thanksgiving :) Yes i said camping...yes at this time of the year.

It was a cool and at times a cold trip but one we fully enjoyed from the Wednesday we left till the Saturday we returned. We didn't dwell on the cold but rather we drank hot coffee and warmed our hearts sharing the time with friends. B & B were there the entire time and we spent all our time with them, sitting around and endless camp fire exchanging stories and discussions, growing closer and becoming better friends. We discussed everything from setting ourselves up better for more camping and what we need and should do, to our new extended family and all that's occurring within it.

Throughout the trip, other friends came up to spend a day with us all. It was great to host the one day visitors each day as it brought a change we could all share together. A change in topic, a change in mood, all different yet all very very enjoyable.

Based on this trip, and the open invitation to the next years, we shall surely take up the invitation and enjoy the new yearly tradition. One Mystress and I shall enjoy so along with all the other traditions we already share. Its so awesome to build these wonderful traditions with my Mystress for the bring us together so strongly. I cant imagine life here any different without my dear Mystress.

Lovingly living with my Mystress

Paladin


Thursday, November 8, 2012

Back From CA

Greetings friends and readers!

Its been a long while since I posted here.  Looks like I need to remind Paladin to do his postings too.  

I did post a bit about my trip on my MST blog, and did a venting about family on Fet Life.  I've been working on a couple of projects here and just finished one today. And that is something I wanted to share here too.  

The trip to CA was great.  I got to see a lot of folks and beautiful sights.  California doesn't feel like home anymore, and after 3 weeks, I was more then ready to get home to Paladin and friends here.  And the peace of home.  But... as Paladin pointed out, if I had, then I would have missed what for me, was the best part of the trip, and that was watching the Space Shuttle Endeavour leaving LAX at 2:30 in the morning.  I was staying with my best friend since elementary school and we'd both missed the flyovers.  I missed them in both TX and CA and she missed LA's as she was working.  So she was determined to get up and see it leave the airport.  It was a truly amazing experience.  So here, below is the video I made of splicing some takes together, and then used 'Faith of the Heart' from the Star Trek show Enterprise which fit in just perfectly.  




It's been great to be back home.  We had our first Halloween in our new home and we took turns handing out the candy.    Turns out there are lots and lots of kids in our neighborhood.  

I didn't feel like going out too much since I got back, I was around so many people on my trip, that I pretty much wanted to just hole up for a bit.  Paladin was very understanding and supportive of it too.  But he did prompt me for us go start going to see our friends, so this week we are getting back in the swing of things.  We went to coffee with our Fet Life family last nite, and going to the dinner munch tonight.  It's always great to meet new folks and see friends we've gotten to know again too.

Next weekend the local groups Sat party will be for Spanksgiving.  *Grins*  Which sounds like a good time.

I have more on other subjects to write about as well, but for now, this is a start.  I hope all are happy and well out there.  I"ll be catching up on the blogs over the next couple of days. 

Take care,
Mystress .