Saturday, September 8, 2007

Soul sharing through excercise #2

Last nite....

Was something... uniquely special to us.
And something we had been planning to be so.

It had been a difficult week communication wise for us.

Normally, we are able to both chat and speak on the phone
and as pet pointed out, that makes time easier for both of us.

As I was away to someplace that had no cell service for 3 days,
then pet had a 14 hour day, and another very long work nite,
due to that communication time was severely curtailed.

Normally, upon arrival... pet greets Me and
then kneels offering up his training collar.
This time.. after he opened the door, clad only in his work shirt,
looking infinitely sexy and his arousal also very apparent
I managed to pounce upon him before he
had a chance to kneel and pushed him against the wall
kissing him and demanding kisses in return.
I had missed him terribly...
he seemed a bit surprised.. but also
very happy to accommodate Me,
just as any well trained pleasure slave should.

After kisses and hugs.. I did finally let him kneel..
and said 'kollar'... which is the Gorean collaring position.
I had not used this on him before, but he quickly assumed the position.
Smart My pet is....
I was trembling and had a hard time with the buckle...
but managed to take a deep breath and finally get it fastened.
Then.. I knelt in front of him, and pulled his arms down around Me
and lifted his face to kiss Me again.
Which he did most excellently.

How much to say, and how much to keep unto ourselves?
For Me, that is the question of the moment.
Well, this blog is about learning, sharing and
communicating.. so here goes...

Exercise #2:
Consecrate your relationship through commitment.

The book says in part... "This ritual helps you to nourish your relationship
on a soul level, and reaffirms the love you have created together.
Your relationship is an entity greater then the two of you and needs to be nurtured"

Like many things that pet and I have found about our relationship,
we are not doing everything.. by the book.

For instance... part of the ritual is sharing food together...
Which we did, but not while we did the ritual.
We decided to eat as normal.. and then take a bath

together in preparation for the ritual.

First.. the room is to be prepared as something of
a sacred space. I smudged pet and I with white sage
to start us out with fresh energy. I had also found a special
candle that had two wicks in it. Asian Teak..a dark brown candle
with a wonderful scent.
Also some Nag Champa oil to anoint each other with,
and a new Clannad CD as haunting background music.

We started by breathing softly together and following the
guidance to focus on allowing our love for each other to radiate from
our hearts out to each other, establishing warmth and trust before
beginning to talk.

The book says to share wine from goblets with arms
entwined... well. since we both very rarely drink, ice water
in glasses sufficed for us, making us both smile at the unique
way that we do thinks, always following our own way,
however we did drink from the glasses with arms entwined.

There were vows that are made as part of the ritual.

First.. as we each lit one wick of the candle, we
re-affirmed our recognition of what we needed
from each other, and our relationship as
Mystress and slave. It was...heart warming
to see the twin wicks burning side by side,
just as we do in our relationship.

I had promised pet that I would do My best to
recognize those things that he has said he needs from Me.
Trust, Understanding, and the ability to be as
pleasing to Me as he can be. Both intimately,
and in other ways.

I shall let pet reveal what he desires to for himself of this.

Next.. we did as the book bade us to, and breathed
many deep breaths together, expanding ourselves
each into the other until we were well linked, and could
feel the strength of the depths that we care for each other.

Sitting cross legged upon his bed,
I had pet read all that it said to Me,
touching knees and My head bend to his
as his melodic voice read to Me.
We took turns answering each to the other.
and the vows that it says are such:

1)Start by affirming your decision to remain together.
This we did with words, touches and smiles.

2) Take turns to describe what you value about your partner
and tell your lover why you are committed to the relationship.
There are many things I value about pet.. his deep
submissiveness to Me, his kind heart, his intelligence,
his passion and desire to please Me
and to take care of Me and to protect Me.
His sense of humor,
his passion and devotion to his work, his ability to look on
the bright side of things, his loyalty to his family and
friends and to Me.
I value his morals and work ethic.
As far as why I am committed to
this relationship.... because it has so
to offer us both. Because
I cherish everything about it.
We are indeed, Mystress and slave,
and friends and lovers. I am committed to
doing all that I can to enrich
us both to the best of My ability, and then some.
I have never known anyone quite like pet, and
My dedication to teach him all that I can
is boundless.

3)Talk about the ways you have blossomed, and what you
appreciate about the unexpected ways the relationship has unfolded.
As someone who has been a submissive for a very long time,
and only once had a short time as a Mistress,
this experience is totally new to Me.
But, I have learned much in the month and
so that pet and I have been together.
I have found a new self esteem that I did not have
before. And, I have found new passions that pet
has taught Me. I have learned also new self awareness
of Myself and those things that please Me.
I have 'blossomed' as a Mystress
I think, finding a strength to be exactly who I want
to be for Myself, and for pet.
To not compromise because it is what others
say I should do or be. To stand fast no matter
what on the one hand, and to be as flexible as
the reed in the wind on the other hand.
And that neither is a weakness.

As for the unexpected ways that this relationship
has unfolded... well.. again,
I never expected to find a slave that fit Me so well.
After seeking for a long time,
and sorting through the masses that responded,
and beginning to despair of ever finding the right match..
that in My desire to find the true pleasure slave I was
looking for, and thinking that I would never find
the right one.
As pet has said, there are those that wanted
to be beat, to be humiliated, that were much more
'bottom's then submissives,
and those that seemed to communicate only to vanish
overnight. Finding pet and the rewards that he gives to Me,
and the depths of that, is all very unexpected.
From his very first letter, he understood exactly
what I meant by 'paladin', and he
had striven to the best of his ability every day to
live up to that to the best that he
can. There are times when the rest of life invades upon us,
and I must deal with that for both of us with firmness
and grace. The new ideas that I come up
with for training pet, and the new tasks that
come to mind are also unexpected.
He is a truly delightful human on all levels, and
I am unexpectedly blessed to
have him in My life.

4) Articulate how you see the fundamental principles in your relationship
whether honesty, fidelity, companionship or adventurousness.
Well, that the fundamental principal would be the D/s foundation
that we have. I am the Mystress, and I take that responsibility
very seriously. I know that pet counts on Me to teach,
train and guide him. I am the 'boss', and yet, I must be balanced
with compassion for his life and duties to himself,
his work and his family. I see communication, trust,
understanding and passion as some of our fundamental
principals. There is also those listed above...
honesty, fidelity, companionship and
certainly adventurousness.
I have to know when to be be strong and when to bend,
but I also have to know when to be firm, and
that there are consequences to actions
and tis My responsibility to teach and enforce those.
pet makes his choices as to what he does and doesn't do,
and if I do not enforce what I must, then
I fear that he will lose respect for Me, and as a Mystress,
I have to have rules, boundaries and guidelines.
I am sure that pet is aware of this, yet,
I have to always check in and be sure that he
knows and understands clearly.

5)Share what you would like to improve.
This was easy for Me to identify.. patience within Myself.
I also know that while I can be very spontaneous
and sometimes too much so. I have to learn to be patient
with Myself, and with pet. To not expect more then he can handle
so perhaps to also curb some of My desires and enthusiasm
for those things that would be more then he could
handle to soon. One thing often leads to another
and before I know it, poor pet is over burdened..
and I have to improve
My ability to not do that to him.

6) Outline the aspects that you plan to work on,
and what you hope to nurture.
I plan to work on continuing pet's education and training as a slave.
To train him to be the best that he can be, both for Myself, and for
himself. I want to nurture his pride in himself as a pleasure slave.
I desire many things of pet, but they all take time. Some lessons
will be done over and over. For now, I desire to focus on our energy
lessons so that we can both find a greater depth within each other
and for each other. And.. to continue to teach pet new positions
and new ways of thinking about pleasure and sacrifice as a slave.
I hope to nurture his ability to expand himself in ways that are productive
for him and that he finds beneficial for both of us.

7) Listen to your partner express his or her feelings about you
and the dynamics of your relationship.
I think this part is easier for Me then for pet. His answer is
that I know how he feels about Me.. and I do. My feelings
for pet run very deep..and he knows exactly how I do feel about
him.. as I am more prone to speak My heart to him, then
he to Me. He has been wounded in the past, and so he carries that
pain with him still.. and there seems to be a part of him that is
afraid... I realize this.. and it is a part of our relationship
that I hope will heal over time as he becomes more comfortable
with Me, and grows to realize that I am an honorable person,
and that while things do grow and change... unless I have
been truly abused or hurt by someone.. I have never..
ever.. unloved them. And I do love pet.. very dearly.
Everyone who knows of Me and pet knows this to be true.
The dynamics of our relationship are multi faceted and they
are consistent, but also ever changing as we both grow and learn
from each other.

8) Hear your partner's intention for the coming year.
My intentions for pet.. are to be the best that I can be for him,
and for Me, and for us. All that I have said above are those things
that I desire to work upon and improve during this time.

9) Reinterate what you value in your relationship,
and how it nurtures both of you.
I value all those things in our relationship that we both bring to
it. The D/s aspect for both of us, the passion, the desire for growth
the need for trust and understanding for us both. We both need things
from each other. Some of them will be easier then others. But, I find
that this aspect of Myself, as brought into focus specifically by pet
to be invaluable to Me. I think that as Mystress and slave, we have
both found a place in ourselves that while we knew was there,
we had no idea as to the depths and strength it would bring to
both of us. This is indeed very nurturing to us in many ways that we
are both becomming aware of and have yet to still discover.

10) Express your mutual appreciation and respect for one another.
This too is easily done. My appreciation for all the things that
pet brings to Me is boundless. Each time he kneels before Me,
or completes a task I have given him, I appreciate it. All the things
that he does that show how much he cares, I appreicate. And..
I have again, immense respect for pet on many levels. I respect all
that he has set himself to learn from Me.. I respect him professinally,
educationally, and privately.

11) Celebrate your deisre to give each other pleasure,
as well to access bliss from within yourself.
Mmmm, yes.. well.. pleasure is one of the things we both
do best! And I would say that each time we are together,
it tis a celebraion of that pleasure and the bliss that we
create together with each other.

12) Acknowledge the sacredness of sexuality and its power
to transform you life.
In-to-me-you-see... is indeed something very special and sacred to
Me. Pet knows that of anything, this is My own difficulty, to be able
to trust to be open to this. Being intimate with pet has been perhaps
the most difficult aspect to Me, because I have trust him to not
hurt Me. There is great power in it, and with it comes very strong
emotions due the sacredness and vunerablity of it for Me. He knows
of My past, and how I was hurt before.. just as he was, but in
a different way. So I suppose we both have to work on trusting
each other in this, each in our own ways. I still bear some scars of
this sacredness being torn asunder from Me in the past, and
there are flashes of moments, when I feel abject terror,
even under pets gentle touch. Perhaps.. this is why his
voicing of his feelings is so important to Me.. especially at those
most vunerable of moments. Tis cetainly not his fault as to
what happened in My past, yet, to some degree, that does
carry forward to now, and there are times when the words
that he is reluctant to say to Me, are the very words,
indeed the only words that calm that terror that seizes Me
when I least expect it sometimes. That is something that pet
has not ever experience.. for while he has indeed had his heart
hurt... he has not been physically hurt at the moment of greatest
vunerablity. The reassurance of the depth of his feelings
is the one balm that sooths that fright and sometimes
flashback. I have no doubt that as time passes, those
terrors will cease to exist with him. The sacredness of
intimacy with pet, is a lovely gift and there is much healing
in it in many ways. There is within this, certainly the abilty
to heal many things, and I hope, it will be for us both, and not
just for Me.

After the vows, I took the Nag Champa oil, and
laid a stroke of it down pet's chest,
and then another dab upon his forhead,
where the third eye chakra is.. and said
"I anoint you as Myne'...
then handed it to pet who did the same to Me,
saying "i anoint You as my Mystress"
We shared a deep kiss...

So, that ends that aspect of our vows and bonding to each other,
from My perspective.

After that.. twas certainly time to celebrate our passion and the
bliss that ensues from sharing with with each other. I would say
that there was less D/s this night, as this was more of a night
of bonding and re-enforcing our commitment to each other.
The intimacy that ensued, was made even more sacred
by pet's words to Me as we merged together that first time
after the ritual.. and I thank him deeply for them,
and I hope he knows.. how much I appreicate and treasure

The hour was late when I finally left.. later then it had been in
a while. We both mused how it can be that the day can drag..
until we are in each other's presence, and then somehow, it
flies by very fast.

And.. speaking of late hours.. so it tis now. Pet is always
amazed at how late I can stay up.. but.. as pet is committed
to his profession.. so am I sometimes committed to finishing
something like this.. especially before the memory slips away
from Me and I lose those details I wanted to remember.

So, on that note.. I sign off,
and post this so it will be there.. fresh still.

This will catch Me up for the time being,
more reflections to come..

Best to all,

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