More reflections on 'Dom/me drop'

Paladin does indeed describe the situation as it was last nite. And I want to say right off, that it was not his fault that he did not know what I was experiencing. I had wanted to try and deal with it Myself, but in the end, felt better after chatting with him. Paladin's kindness and ready helpfulness is inspiring to say the least. I had finally written him a email explaining My feelings to him. Sometimes I write and don't send the letters, as I try to handle things by Myself first. Other times... as I have Commanded him to communicate with Me.. I have promised to communicate with him. And in those times, I have to abide by My promise to him. This is a two-way street. The flow back and forth of communications between Mystress and submissive is vitally important.

If I don't communicate clearly with him... how can I in all reality expect him to communicate as openly and honestly as I want him to?

It also makes Me wonder.. how many other Dom/mes out there find themselves in withdrawal from their slaves? I think.. that what I called 'Dom drop' to Paladin last nite, is much less common then 'sub drop'. Many subs are needy.. and sometimes even clingy... and hence, the Dom/mes feel that neediness from their slaves. While I do not doubt that Paladin does 'need' Me.... he is never ever.. 'needy' or clingy. Would I want him to be? Hmmm..well.... I suppose sometimes... I wish he was. But... I musingly consider... how different an individual would that make him? He is so totally... self sufficient... and strong. He has strong family relationships with his parents and siblings, friends that he sees weekly and has for many years. He is totally fulfilled in his work. He has said that he does 'need' Me...... but again.. he is not.. needy. So.. I suppose.. even though he says he 'needs Me'...... I don't really feel that craving neediness. He's never begged to see Me outside of our regular times. I once expressed to him that I wished he did just so I could say 'no'.... that he needed to be with his friends, or family... or especially.. he 'needs' to be alone. He didn't see the point in that.. why ask for something you don't really want.. or need.. especially if you know your simply going to be refused? I expect that's a good point. But.. I never said I was logical.. and I'm not always.

So.. all this leads Me to facing the fact that there are times that I am much more needy in this relationship then Paladin is. And I generally try to keep that knowledge to Myself. Find other ways to amuse Myself. Keep My mind off of him. Distract Myself with Myne own friends and family. And the majority of the time that works... but.. there is still that part of Me that misses the 'power rush' that I get from being around My owned property.. from Commanding him.. from the intense energy exchange. I never feel that I can or should ask for more from him than he currently gives to Me... which is really quite a bit. I should also explain.. as Paladin well knows.. .that being of Celtic descent...I do sometimes deal with bits of depression... when I remind him, he says he knows.. and that it's part of what makes Me... well.... Me.

A friend said once, that perhaps if I skipped seeing Paladin sometime, then he would feel that 'neediness' that I feel now. But.. they also added, correctly.. that it would be perhaps more difficult for Me then for him. And... it would feel like a punishment to him.. and to Me.. and for no reason other then My wanting him to 'need' Me more. And that... is not fair to him. And.. I have to be.. well.. I don't 'have' to be.. but.. (smile) I NEED to be fair to him. Totally.

It's My responsibility to deal with My own feelings in regards to Paladin. He strives at all times above and beyond the 'call of duty'. Do I want him to be less then the strong independent man that he is? Not really. He readily admits that sometimes hes a 'bull in a china shop' in regards to understanding My feelings about things. Which is why it's up to Me to write them, or communicate those things to him, and as soon as I do, he will try to remedy it somehow.

At the end of the evening.. it was this exchange between us that calmed and reassured Me the most:

Paladin: just close your eyes and imagine yourself in my arms cuddled up close to me and looking into my eyes
Paladin: me kissing you on the forehead
Mystress: thank you.. that is very comforting pet..
Paladin: (smile)
Mystress: that is such a lovely mental picture pet....
Paladin : good to hear that Mystress

Today.. things are better. I am still craving control of Paladin, and know that tomorrow nite,
I'll get My chance.

I'd be interested in hearing if any of the other Dom/mes or their subs that have any or thoughts insight into this.

Best to all,
Mystress