The Difficulty in Remembering Tasks When one is Zombie Tired

Let Me preface this by acknowledging that I totally understand that Paladin has had two very long and rough work days. As he posted last nite, it was a 14 hour day, and tonight was about the same. He did not get to have dinner with his friends as he usually does, but caught up with them later in the evening. I understand long and rough days.. and the fact that he also gets bad headaches. I do not like to put too much pressure on him when his day has been so rough.

However..... with that being said..

Technically he did not successfully complete THREE of his daily required tasks today.

Firstly... he totally forgot one task, his erotic thought of the day. I don't think it was even a blip on his radar. BONK!

Secondly, he worked very late, but none the less.. he did not send his after work pic until he got home tonight after having been out with his friends. He's done this occasionally before, and I've not called him on it. However.. that is NOT when it is supposed to be sent..it's supposed to be sent when he gets off work. That's why it's called an 'after work' pic. This is officially the end of that practice pet. BONK!

He referred to himself as a 'zombie' tonight on his way home from his night out with the guys, and asked for grace for his blog. Which I granted. Because he asked for grace.. I'll give this a small 'bonk'. It does get one however, because he should schedule getting home in time to post just a few quick words. There are plenty of times when I know he is tired and I'll give him grace without asking. On Fri nites he says he doesn't want to disappoint his friends by leaving too early in the evening... well..that's all well and good.. but then he runs the certain risk of disappointing his Mystress.

He asked if I was 'upset' with him tonight. No.. not upset... not exactly. Just waiting.. to see.. what would happen.. and wonder for Myself, what the best way to handle this is. I did wait up to to see if he would come online to chat for a couple of minutes before sleeping..(he knows how much this means to Me, we've discussed it before. Even a few moments means a lot to Me) but he sent a good nite pic and went to bed.

All perfectly understandable and logical. But.. I also wonder.. where was the sense of 'sacrifice' that I have talked with him about before? His night out with his friends is important to him. And I know that I am seeing him tomorrow.. and I know that he has 'sacrificed' seeing the superbowl with his buddies in lieu of watching it with Me. And dammit.. I HATE being a hard ass with him. I'm not really cut out to be a nasty whip wielding sort of Mystress. But.. I am strong..and I have set down rules.. and I do expect them to be followed. I've had friends ask Me if having a slave such as Paladin is a lot of work. And.. the answer is yes.. and no. The 'no' far, far, far outweighs the 'yes' part.

The yes part... is keeping on top of his rules and requirements and tasks.... and keeping track of what he does and doesn't do. Yeah... that does take attention. But I love it.. and enjoy it.. and I'm very proud of him as well. But like his performing them is becoming routine, so is My keeping track of them. But I do pay attention like a hawk, and I take note of every discrepancy.

The 'no' part, is that I know that Paladin is a perfectionist.. He tries to be as 'self maintaining' as possible, and that make it pretty easy. And.. his wonderful success's make him amazingly rewarding to own.

I know that reading this will make him disappointed in himself. He hates being anything less then totally perfect

I am torn sometimes between being a very understanding softy to him.. knowing how hard he works for work.. and how hard he works to please Me in any and all ways. I know all of the above. And yet.. yet... I still want MORE. Not just more pleasure.. but I want to be as important for him to check in with before he goes to bed, as his seeing his buddies on a Fri nite. I've told him before.. a few moments is enough. I know I am high on his priorities in life.. and that his work is of vital importance.. and so are his family and friends. He tries very hard to please everyone. And he's very close to being pretty darn perfect most of the time to be sure.

As I've posted numerous times before.. I don't like punishing Paladin by hitting him. Normally just him knowing that I am disappointed in him is more then enough for him to beat himself up in a fairly substantial manner. And posting about that disappointment here where everyone can read about it.. well.. that makes it even worse. We are not about pain or humiliation, but service, pleasure and control.

And on that note.. I'll head off to bed Myself.. knowing that Paladin will read this in the morning.. and know that I while I was not upset.. I was.. disappointed. And.. I'll know that he'll strive to do better, and that's what I think is what most of us want from our slaves. Well.. that and total, prompt, unquestioning submission and obedience. (smile)

As All Ways,
Best to all,
Mystress