Our Own Brand of Power Exchange

Paladin and I have talked a lot about this the past few days. It again goes back to the variety of blogs that I read and that the two of us discuss.

Most recently has been the FemDom sort of relationships. And while I am indeed the Mystress... it is NOT because I think that Paladin is any less for being a man. As I told him earlier today in chat, I am not in the least interested in a 'worm' sort of slave. In a interesting book (The Control Book) that a friend gave Me about D/s relationships, there were several sorts of 'Archetypes' described, and to Me, Paladin fits into the 'Hero' mode. As I have said innumerable times here, he is a tall, strong masculine man. There is nothing that is femmy or wimpy about him. He's never had any desire to want to be humiliated or feminized (thank goodness or we wouldn't be here!)

I have never been of the opinion that women are any better then men. I believe that men and women are both different (Like the Mars/Venus sorta thing) and we both have our strengths, weakness's and stereo types.

In looking at the female superiority web page and looking through the psychoanalysis, none of it fit either of us. I was downright uncomfortable with the idea of squeezing Paladin's balls to hurt him in any way, or humiliating him in any way either. I have enormous respect for him on many levels and have no desire to lessen who he is. He is a very smart man as well who is top of his game mentally, physically and professionally, and I certainly prefer him that way. For Me, it makes it all the more potent when he kneels and offers his submission to Me.

Reading the 'female superiority' web page did raise some questions in My mind and prompted a extended conversation between us. We had this interesting interchange last nite about power exchange and Paladins feelings in regards to it:

Mystress: How old were you when you first realized that you wanted to be sexually dominated by a woman?
Paladin: probably after my first real gf....20 or so
at that time...more like being told exactly what to do...sexually....so that i knew what to do and how to do it
Mystress: why do you think that you had these feelings?
Paladin: not sure really
Mystress: what is your gut feelings about it?
Paladin: just something in my head. guess it started in that i didn't want to be bad at what i did..so if i was told exactly how to do it then i wouldn't screw it up
Mystress: so there wasn't any lure of the loss of control attached to it at that time?
Paladin: nope
Mystress: when did that part come into play?
Paladin: much later probably around 24 25
Mystress: did you ever become aware that that is what you wanted?
Paladin: Not till recently...when you showed me
Mystress: explain
Paladin: before it was more being told what to do...and not really a reason behind it
Mystress: but is the reason genuinely there?
Paladin: Yes it is Mystress. Mystress has clarified it for me the past few months, and i have thought about it and it makes so much more sense.
Paladin: i have always been in control and being told what to do without the ability to to say no is really a way to be totally out of control. Safer too for i will not be jumping out of air planes or base jumping anytime in the future.
Mystress: lololol.. no you will NOT... and certainly not with out permission.
Mystress: did you think you might be inclined to do such things???
Paldin: no fear of that for sure
Paladin: hell no
Paladin: i like terra firma
Mystress: do you think you feel better now having some things out of your control?
Paladin: I do
Paladin: i think the constant being in control definitely wears on me some.
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From there the conversation was off to some other subjects not relevant to this posting, but this gives a bit of insight into our talk about it.

This morning we talked more about it. His mother was not a dominating sort of person, and he never had any desire to be humiliated himself and in fact, would have avoided any sort of relationship with that involved. I don't think that Paladin even fits into the 'submissive male' category.. he was looking for someone (and had been for years) and in then end, he just happens to have chosen Me to be submissive to. But he is not that way in general. He will write more about this himself from his own standpoint. He has written about this before, but that was a couple of months back, and I like him to re-visit subjects from time to time to document his evolution of thought and feelings as we progress.

As for Me...well.... as I wrote awhile back, years ago I had a male submissive for a very short time but never since then. But... in latter times, upon reflection I thought it would be nice to have someone to give Me exactly the sort of pleasure that I wanted. And I also liked the idea of training a slave the way I had been trained. And to a large degree, an outlet for My rather...er... excessive libido. Sorting through the answers the several times I did post an add had Me frustrated and almost ready to give up, until Paladin answered.

I had some pre-conceived notions about what being a Mystress meant. Thinking I had to be a hard ass, or mean or demeaning or punishing. And it has taken several months for us to find our footing as our relationship doesn't seem to fit into any of the 'categories' that others do. I check in with Paladin frequently about his mental state and what makes him happy in all this and work to maintain it.

In our case, what I have settled on has been more of a 'chivalric' sort of relationship. He serves as My Knight... and he is My protector and especially as My pleasure slave. He does all those things that would make Me happiest. And what does he get out of it? Well.. I expect that he'll answer that himself.

But as per our conversation above.. he needs to let to go someone.. and I am lucky enough that that someone is ME! Thats like binding him up... he needs to have his control taken away, this relieves his mind and body. He always seems much more relaxed after I do this to him, past just a sated sexually, he is also relieved mentally.

I have found that I greatly enjoy this Dominating bit.. and I like the idea of both evolving more and perhaps stretching more and experiencing more. Paladin says I am pretty good at this, and I find I do enjoy it. I know that different subs are different and I hope to get a chance to find out in the posting that Paladin posted yesterday to our friends. It is an opportunity that I look forward to having, and Paladin is fully supportive of this as well.

Well.. that about wraps it up on this for now. I hope that this gives some insight into us and the dynamics of the particular power exchange between the two of us.

Best to all,
Mystress