My Paladin's Development

My Paladin has come very far in the journey of his development as My submissive. And I am always so proud of him. It has been something of a challenge for one as private a person as is he. And, one as reserved as he as well. There are many levels to My Paladin, and because of our privacy issues, there are many that I cannot speak of here.

Paladins writings the past few days have been very enlightening to Me. We did have an extended chat last nite, and I hurt him when I told him I didn't think that he needed Me the way that sometimes I know that other subs 'need' their Dom/mes. He expressed that My saying this hurt his feelings.. and I have apologized. He asked if did I not sense his feelings. And.. My response was... that yes, I do sense it. But, I never want to assume. For in Myne own past, I have been known to project My feelings on someone else, and I would not want to do that with him. I would rather have him speak his feelings, then have Me 'sense' them, or guess what they may be. I would not desire to overestimate them. So, I am very very pleased to have him speak and write his feelings so much more openly.

There was a time in My past, when I was much like Paladin. Perhaps even worse. I was considered.. frozen to some extent, and I would certainly not speak how I felt. It was too scary because someone might disagree with Me, or take offense to how I felt, or worse, I might reveal feelings that I had that someone else did not have. I might think that someone felt a certain way, and projecting My feelings upon them, because I wanted it to be so, I would get set in My place and be told that what I thought, or mistakenly 'assumed' was not so. I did learn the lesson of ass-u-me-ing in some harsh ways.

Even as a Mystress... where I am in control of things, I still cannot assume that he feels the way I may want him to. So again, I need him to be as clear as possible in his communications with Me. Because he was raised in a fairly reserved environment due to his family composition and national culture, it has been a challenge for him, and I have been continually impressed by his desire to stretch himself over and over. But, if I can stretch and change, then so can My Paladin.

As for his submission.. we have discussed that at length in the past. While I would not quite call him a control 'freak'.. he is fiercely strong in his control of his life. We did a mental test last night, and Paladin was in the category of a 'Guardian'.. which I find extremely appropriate for My Paladin. I am an 'Idealist'. I could feel us both smiling through the computer at how well our roles fit us each. The whole aspect of following rules, sticking to schedules and being very authority oriented certainly did fit Paladin to a 't'. At did My more 'touchy feely' sort or mode.

Paladin wrote last nite about our guest's tomorrow nite. It should be quite an interesting experience for us both. I must admit to loving to show Paladin off, and tomorrow nite will be no exception. Our company will not arrive till after I have been there for a while, and I am sure we'll find some way to amuse ourselves before the company shows up. This will also be another step along the way of Paladin's development.

I hope our readers can indeed tell how fond we are of each other, and how much joy we derive from our shared journey as we are both learning new things. And we do love to share what we learn with others as well. Comments are always gratefully appreciated.

On that note, I go off to chat with Paladin for a while,
As always,
Best to all,
Paladin's Mystress