Understanding pet

Reading pets explanation of the hows and whys of his
submission to Me does clarify things to Me greatly.

As I had first began to get to know pet,
I had no idea of how tightly controlled his life was.
The more I did begin to understand it, the
more surprised I was at his desire to submit.
We have had conversations about his intense
privacy and how careful he is with those in his life
both privately and professionally.
He lives his life like a very tight ship,
each rope neatly coiled
and always arriving at the dock at
exactly the precise moment it is supposed to.

He runs his life on a very narrow schedule
and stretching and being more flexible with this
has been perhaps one of the hardest things for pet to adjust to.
I do not know if he has yet realized that
this is precisely why I try to stretch and try to change
some of his schedules, because this is an area
of giving up control that has been hardest for him.
hmmm.. seems I am giving up some of My
own secrets to pet now aye?

But... I most certainly do understand his need
to relinquish control of himself to someone that
he trusts. I know from Myne own experience
that there is something amazingly soothing
about giving it all up to someone else.
To NOT have to make decisions and choices
and I begin to understand this aspect to pet
more and more as time goes by.

There are times when I ask him what it is that
he wants or desires, and he always defers to My
wants and or needs. I used to think this was just his
obedience to My Dominion over him,
but I have recently come to realize that this too is part of
what he wants and needs for himself. That because he does
make so many other choices and decisions, that within our
relationship I believe that he is relieved to some degree to
NOT have to choose what to do.

Most of the time I don't give him these choices of course,
but there are times when I do.
Unlike some other Owners, I am not much of a
'hard ass'. I can be.. and there are times I can be
down right bitchy in what I want from him
and petulant when I don't get My way.
And I will force him to answer Me even when he
is not so inclined. That is a part of what he must accept
in belonging to Me.

He is very good at knowing who and what he is.
That he is MY slave.. and that he is Paladin.
There are times I stretch him more then others
and sometimes I am very light with him.
Because pet is so new to all of this, I have
desired to bring him along slowly and carefully,
wanting to build trust with him. He needs to know that
I won't ever hurt him (too much)
or humiliate him, as that is NOT My style.

I do demand hours and hours of service from him
and those he does with total cooperation and obedience.

I had a Dom ask Me about being resistant today..
He asked Me that if that was what He wanted,
should I as a sub then comply with that desire?
As a sub, that was never My style. I could do it if
Commanded to, but it always felt terribly wrong and
unnatural to Me. I have never been bratty as a sub,
although admittedly, I have sulked in the past,
although Master was very firm that I was NOT
allowed to whine or sulk.. and that pretty much
put an end to that sort of behavior.

Early on, there were times when I would get a bit of that
from pet.. when he did not understand nor necessarily
desire to do something I was Commanding him to do
his tone would get very curt and his text messages
would drop down to the minimal words necessary
to answer Me. And because I am so energy sensitive,
I could always tell when I had crossed a line he did not
want Me to, or asked something of him he was uncomfortable with,
or was being especially illogical.
(Which I can be frequently as I am much more emotionally
oriented them pet is.)

He did not learn the lessons of sacrifice very well at first.
And I was insistently stubborn about wanting him to
learn to be. He still wanted his life on his terms.
Well, I am willing to grant him that.. but only so much.
And the things that I find that make him uncomfortable
are the very things that I will push him to do just for the
sake of keeping him out of control.
He did not learn this very quickly.. that if he simply
co-operated and gave into what I wanted,
then the lesson would be over and he would in essence
(to some degree) get things to be the way he wanted
within his time frame.
I must say however that he has done a much better job in
latter weeks however in dealing with the fact that I am
not a totally logical person and when I am not,
I don't feel as much distance from him anymore
and I think that he is beginning to accept that as his chosen
Owner, he has to accept Me as I am as well,
faults, foibles and all.

There were certainly distinct differences in the sort of
submissives we both were for a while,
but that gap has narrowed substantially, and for one so new
pet has grown in his obedience by leaps and bounds.
He seems to be growing more comfortable with it as well
and I hope that this will be something that he will become
more and more accepting of himself with at time passes
and he realizes that he can trust Me more and more as well.

Pet has taken everything that I have thrown
at him in his stride in recent weeks and done so
with grace and obedience. He has compromised himself
for Me, and that has been something that I hope he knows
how much I do appreciate.

When pet is bound, I see it as great strength
not remotely as weakness. It takes a stronger
person to give themselves up then one to fight it
or to deny that side of themselves.

I can only hope that pet will in time
become more and more comfortable with his
choice and less and less self conscience about it.
But.. I expect like all things, this will also take time.

In summation.. I can only feel very very lucky that
pet found Me.. and that he feels safe and comfortable with Me
and that we shall continue to evolve and grow together.

The hour is now very very late on
My last nite of vacation
so off to to bed I go.
Looking forward to Thur
and then to Sat.

I hope pet is sleeping well
as I post this...

Best to all,
Mystress