Tearing down the walls...

pet culturally comes from something much akin to a
'proper English background' to a large
degree, and as he explained at length last nite, this entails
keeping social circles isolated from each other.
And while his family expresses their feelings for each other,
they stay distant from others they do not know.

Unlike us Americans, and especially most Californians
(who tend to be a friendly, easy going and publicly affectionate lot)
his countrymen are much more reserved and not
inclined to speak with those they do not know.
pet described himself as working to overcome
'many years of introversion' in one of his private letters to Me.
I have noted several times over the past months that pet's 'shields'
go up when in public.

This was most noticeable at our first dinner outing.
Being that I am very energy aware and sensitive, it was
at first rather shocking to Me, to feel such withdrawal from
someone who had been openly friendly and warm to Me before.
I was taken aback by it, and it took some probing to find that
he was uncomfortable with expressing himself in a affectionate and
relaxed mode in public. As I have mentioned before,
he has told Me that he is not known for smiling..
and that this seems so very odd to Me.. for pet is
always smiling at Me.. so to picture him not smiling
is only evident to Me on occasion when he is serious looking
in his morning dress pictures before work.
pet does have a very 'formal' nature sometimes.

I referred to it as his 'shields going up'.. and they were very
palpable to Me. The first time he walked Me down to the car,
he immediately became very stiff and withdrawn and while I hugged
him good by, he did not return the hug. Hmmmmmmm....

So I have been patient.. and given him time..
I have waited for him to feel more comfortable with Me.
It has sometimes been like he is two different people..
the one in private who laughs, smiles and is very warm and affectionate..
and the remote, distant and almost aloof one in public who
withdraws his hand from a touch.

I had thought all along.. that this was simply pet's way of being,
and again.. have tried to be patient these three months
for him to realize that I am a safe person who will not hurt
nor humiliate him. I have waited patiently for him to 'warm up'.

I have tried not to push him too much,
but there does come a time when those damn shields
are just inappropriate with the situation!
And.. that led to Me writing to pet...
(of which he will elaborate tomorrow).

However.. what I would communicate.. is that during our
conversation last nite... I came to realize for the first time,
that this is NOT just a matter of pet being pet... but
of the actual culture that he grew up in in his own country,
which is very very different from our culture.
He explained how his family would stay tightly in their
own click (on vacation for instance) and would never ever
speak to people who were not a part of their family or group.

That is indeed very different from Myne own experiences..
for My family has always been easy going Californians
who would pretty much chat with anyone. I remember well
the years of travelling and camping and My folks inviting those
from the next campsite over for a drink or such. Never mattered
where we were, oh who they were, be it any of the western states,
Canada or Mexico, they always found a way to meet
and communicate with others.

So the enlightenment from pet about his own
family and countrymen was just that.. enlightening.
It was another of those 'Ah Ha!' moments.

For several reasons, the time had finally come to deal with this..
pet is not familiar with Pink Floyd's album The Wall..
but tearing down his wall
is how I had come to view what needed to be done..
as it seemed that My dear pet was caught behind some
highly built emotional blockages... or... walls.

as the the song goes..(in part, and edited for the
sake of the effect I had in mind in regards to pet)

"The crown will plainly show
The prisoner who now stands before you
Was caught red-handed showing feelings.
Showing feelings of an almost human nature;
This will not do!

"Since, my friend, you have revealed your
Deepest fear,
I sentence you to be exposed before Your peers.
Tear down the wall!"

And that.. is what I finally intended to do!
If pet could not do it for himself..
and he wanted Me... then
he would have to find a way to reach past
himself.. and
I would have to help him..

In hindsight..
I was unaware of how culturally oriented pets
wall was, so at the time,
I could only guess that this was what he was going
to prefer in a relationship, something more distant then
what I wanted in the relationship.
Where I was very open with My feelings,
pet was much more withdrawn and had gone so
far as to express his uncomfortableness with My own
expression of feelings in the past.

As Mystress.. I get to say what I want and how I want.
I also get to demand that My slave respond in the way
that I want him to. I realized that pet was a very very private
person.. he has told Me this innumerable times. Yet..
how much do we let a slave remain steadfast to that which is
an anathema the their Owner's ways???
Isn't so much of this about learning, growth and
stretching.. and re-training??

And so..
After much consideration..
I wrote to pet.. a letter that was formulated to 'shake him up'.
and force him to consider himself, and Me.. and what he wanted.

I am gratified to say..
it worked.

And pet..
will get to say the rest..

But... I will say..
that last nite..
a fresh breeze blew
across the bricks that lay shattered
and strewn across the ground..
the wall.. now rubble....
and a very different pet.. knelt and greeted Me last nite
with an openness that he had never had before,
visible from every pore of him.

And.. this may have been one of pet's very very
hardest lessons.. and I am immensely pleased and proud
of the New and Improved pet... that exists now!

With much love and admiration for her pet,
Mystress