A Tender Review

This past week has been a week of lessons and growth. The lessons have been difficult to learn at times but now in hindsight...a wonderful lesson to learn.

Mystress sent me a private email mid week with a tone and language quite unlike Mystress. It was very very serious and forboding. The email started off with Mystress explaining the situation in detail without holding anything back. Mystress laid it out what she wanted and how things were to change. after reading it at first I was hurt that i had failed my Mystress in such a way. I realized that by being who i was i was hurting my Mystress...by not expressing my feelings openly to Mystress...regardless of who was watching...i was hurting my Mystress.

The first lesson i learnt was to be more expressive with my Mystress...to share my feelings of love and submission with her regardless of who was watching. That i should be proud of my love for Mystress and not reserved. I lesson i shall practice now in earnist.

The exercise in Mystress's email...where i had to picture myself without my restraints and collars was unpleasant. This leads to my second lesson...how much i have come to relish my items...my gifts from Mystress. They all have served with great impact to reinforce my submissive bond with Mystress. They all serve to reinfoce my submissive bond...expecially when Mystress tugs on them and moves me with them.

Overall the email Mystress sent and the conversatins in depth we had on Thursday served to bring new light to the situation. It showed that i was reserved and not totally forth coming with all my feelings and that i should be more open with them. I should express them more for Mystress...infront of her friends so that i can show how much Mystress means to me just like Mystress shows how much i mean to her. Lessons i shall practice each and everyday from hence on.

A very pleasant addition to our union is my Mantra...thank you again to our new visitors that brought it to our attention. Currently with a revision from Mystress it is as follows.

"I am your Paladin, and i bid my obediance and submission to you, my Mystress, guardian of my heart."

There was so much i wanted to put in mine that it would take forever to chant to my Mystress. So i settled on those that are most important to me and the others can be deduced from these. My obediance and submission are two big aspects as these are what i have given and promised to Mystress. They are directly related to me giving up control. Mystress also knows that for me to give up my control, obediance, and submission to her implys a tremendous amount fo trust. Trust i have put solely in Mystress and no one else before. Guardian of my heart sums up both my love for Mystress and the dual role of protectors we both fill. I protect Mystress and in return Mystress protects me. It also is a reference to me giving my heart and love to Mystrss for safe keeping, again something i have only truly trusted to do with Mystress. Mystress modified the start to indicate that i am her Paladin and only her Paladin. A modification i welcomed as it is more our Mantra than mine and i repeat it with my joy.

Part of sharing my mantra with Mystress is that i must send it to Mystress each day at lunch and in doing so each recital makes the meanings stronger. My mantra must also be recited each time i pose for Mystress in one of our positions and again each time i greet my Mystress.

So in conclusion and summation...Mystress goal of shaking me up some and bringing some short comings to light has worked and that i shall from hence one work to express my feelings fully. That i shall try and keep my shields down and to not rebuild any walls Mystress has so thoughtfully pulled down...for it is Mystress's duty to mold me to the sub she desires.

Paladin