Amazing how time can crawl between times.
And how I find Myself thinking about pet
and those things that I enjoy so much with him.
My evolvement from sub to Mystress has been
an interesting road to Me.
I find that I almost expect others' to respond to Me
in My Dominant stance as he does.
I once had a Master tell Me that is why he had
to stop being a Master, because he had come to expect
the same obedience from everyone he did from a sub.
Hmmm... well.. I am not quite that far gone.
I did see Myne own Master for dinner on sun night,
first time alone in weeks...
My own knight being up the hill with long time lovers
of his own, and pet busy with a social engagement.
I wonder sometimes, if the Domme part of Me will
outweigh the sub. And although I have mixed flashes
sometimes ( like when I was washing pet's feet and almost
kissed them, feeling so grateful to him for the intense pleasure
he gives but realizing that was not quite the best thing,
I bit his ankle instead
when I am around Master, it all comes back.
He and I talk about pet, and Master is very glad that
I have pet to keep Me company and My most times
excessive libido tamed.
We discussed the 'rules' about D/s and Master being wise
said there are no rules but what WE make between us.
He's never gone by any Himself, only be who He wants to be
and do what He wants to do. He simply expects to be obeyed.
We discussed the 'spanking till using the safe word' bit,
and He nodded in agreement as I reflected
that while He's given Me plenty of spankings, none of them have
been overly long although some of them have been painful,
nor has He ever done it to the point
of My using My safe word. He did remind Me however, that being
put in the 'discipline' position and not knowing how long a spanking
is going to be does indeed put a sub into an obedient sub space.
And that is true. When he has Me assume 'the position' and wait for Him,
I certainly commence to trembling. While I too am mostly a pleasure
slave, there is always that edge of giving up control, even when it is hardest
to do so because of My own desires to be in control. But.. a spanking
can put Me into a deep place of submission, knowing I have accepted His
collar, and that a part of that is acceding to His knowledge of Me and His
wisdom in what I need to be truly submissive.
Master had Me reflect on the aspects of knowing I would be spanked
for infractions. Making me keep track of them,
and holding Me accountable for them. Even those when life gets
in the way and I could not do them. Although He would give some grace,
He was right when He said that when I agreed to His collar and to
the duties that He would give me, there were no 'good' reasons for a
true slave to not complete their duties, or find a way to make up for them.
And that a slave who does not have that done, will become lax and
take that 'grace' for granted. That I would to some degree 'choose'
what would take up My time, and if I chose something that interfered
with those said duties, then I was also 'choosing' the consequences
that go with them. And upon reflection, He is very right. And,
I also realize, how important it is to be held accountable. He never
allows Me to 'whine' about anything and I am simply expected to bear
up to the best of My ability.
I know there are times in pet's life when he gets very busy as well,
and tis a fyne line to walk as to know when I should and shouldn't
hold him accountable for those duties that he does not accomplish
because of his social activities. There is also the aspect of how closely
to the line to hold him. For instance.. when he sends a pic rather late
and at the same time as a noon text is expected...but not the noon txt,
do I hold that as an infraction or no? Upon pondering.. most of My
own owner's would have held Me to it. Part of this ownership is very
exacting. Yet.. Again.. there is that line of what is too much, and what
is not enough. Asking Master these things, His reply is that tis up
to Me for Me to decide. I do not want to be unjust by any means,
and I know how hard pet does try. I wrote out a list of infractions
for Myself to read the other day, and there were a few. I had mentioned
to pet not long ago about some, and he said that I should remind him of
them.. well.. reminding is one thing, consequences for those are another.
I think tis not a bad thing to do sort of a 'block' of consequential discipline
for those things that he has missed, because a part of Me feels like I am
not doing My job if I let him slide on those things. Exact is exact.. and if
he needs slack, then his job is going to be to have to ask Me for that in advance.
For instance.. I had told him specifically this past fri nite that he needed to do his blog no matter what time he got in from the evening's social activities.
It was very late and he was very tired.. so I did not make him. Yet..
I felt that there does need to be some consequence for it. Same with Saturday.
Yes.. I understand about his social commitments.. but.. I think that he needs
to ask to be excused instead of My simply granting grace. Although on Sat I wanted to chat with pet for a bit, and he did do so.. so I counted that instead
of his blog entry.
The best I can do, is compare what I do with pet with My own
experiences with those that have owned Me. Much of what we
do is indeed patterned after those experiences rather then
those that are most well known in D/s circles.
Like My own dear Master....
Looking at His grin across the table Sun nite, I realized one
of the things I cherish about Him, is His unpredictability. I can't say
I ever quite know what to expect from Him when we are alone in
private. His spanks when He does them, are always very hard and
He makes a few count. He has been a strict disciplinarian, and holds
Me accountable for what He does expect of Me...
however His heart is also kind and loving to Me,
and that is how I always want pet to feel about Me. I have told Master
that I use Him most often as My role model for pet, and that of course
pleases Him.
Well, tis about time for Me to get ready
to go get My Lady friend.. and for us to go visit pet.
I will have pet read this blog I think
and ask him what he thinks at dinner.
My Lady friend also has gentle insight into things
and perhaps her input will assist us.
I let no one make up My mind for Me as to
what and how I do things with pet..
however, I do like to get as much info from as many
different perspectives as I can, and then make
My choice.
So pet.. I want you to bring this up at
dinner tonight... to have read this, and thought
about it some before we get there so that
we can have a discussion about it. For
discipline IS a part of this relationship..;
and while yes.. you ARE a pleasure slave..
you have also agreed to the duties I have given you,
and I have refrained from giving you more.
I want your honest insight into this.
Should you be physically disciplined for those
times you do not accomplish your duties?
And how exacting should I be with you?
How do you feel if I do not have consequences for
duties not done? Are you aware of them, and if so,
what is in your mind? And if you are not aware..
isn't that to some degree worse? Like forgetting
your morning pic the other day?
Should I offer grace, or should you have to
ask for it in advance, and should there still
be consequences for things not done?
You wrote recently, that the stronger I became
as a Mystress... the stronger you would become
as a submissive.. well. I would think that includes
both sides of the coin pet.. the pleasure,
and the pain of it.
I will expect you to bring this up..
and it is Commanded that you do.,
evening will be for the pleasure of our Lady friend,
but insight from her I also think could be valuable.
Until soon pet..
Mystress
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