My healer and hero

Last nite was all that pet had promised.

It was fairly low key, and yet as always
it was truly delightful. pet had promised pleasure
and he certainly delivered it. The hours that he spent
focused on giving Me pleasure over and over were wonderful.

Again, sometimes the question is
how much to share and how much to keep
private. In this case... I want to try and communicate
something uniquely special in this encounter
between us.

I know that pet would not write about this..
but.. in My gratitude to him.. I feel that I need to.

On normal week nites with pet,
I try to be aware of time and
leaving at a fairly reasonable hour.
This was the first time that I found Myself so sleepy
that I actually drifted off for a bit. I think pet did too
because when I next became aware of him waking Me
it was after midnight. I was so very tired that I truly did not
feel like driving home.
pet was kind enough to agree
to let Me stay the night.
Knowing it was a work nite, I was determined
to not disturb his rest and while I awoke a few times
I finally did drop off, trying to sleep on the furthest edge
of the bed so that I would not awaken pet,
instead of cuddling with him as a I normally would have.

The background to what happens next is
something that is well known to those that know Me.
And that is.. that during My time in the military service
I was attacked, raped, beaten so I couldn't have kids.If not for a dearly loved roommate searching for
and finding Me, tis sure I would
have died from blood loss and cold.
I was told that I was not to talk about what had happened
and to just suck it up as I had made the mistake of going out with
the wrong person and it could cause a diplomatic incident.
About a year and a half, after this happened, other things happened
to lead me to belive that everything they had said was true.
So this story, is not connected to me at all, and has
never been told. The culprit
was not prosecuted because of his immunity due to his
country of origin while in the service.

There are times that I still have nightmares
about it. Normally they ensue if I get overly chilled while
sleeping, or sometimes if I am someplace I am not used to
sleeping or I am overly stressed or in some emotional upheaval.
Over the years I stifled it and tried to not talk too much. Some
rough details would be given, but because I was told to not talk about it,
I didn't. Not even my parents know about what happened.
I have tried to deal with it emotionally and mentally for the most part.
and there have been stretches of time where they do not happen.

Unfortunately, last nite.. was not one of them.
And I am sorry to pet for that..
for I gather I must have awoken him.

Where I was when he did.. was reliving the horror..
same old trauma, the attack, the pain, the beating
the dark. I was cold.. so cold..mostly.. that's what I feel.

I was in the midst of this, when I vaguely came awake in the dark to
pet holding Me. I think he was softly kissing Me.. I am not sure.
I could hear his voice murmuring to Me.. but I could not
tell what it was he was saying.
I was aware that he was trying to comfort Me,
but all I wanted to do was get away.. to curl up and escape.
I was still caught in the inbetweeness of it.. I think
I remember his saying something about looking at him.
and it was a struggle to do so. I know I was clenched tightly
and as usual, My hands were locked in tight fists
crossed protectively across My chest.
As I struggled to listen to his voice and become aware of
where I was.. a part of Me became aware that if I was with pet,
then I was safe. But.. the other part was still so strong and fresh
that as I managed to murmur to pet.. it was like both were
superimposed.. the past and present upon each other.

But pet.. was.. relentless.. I could feel him uncurling
My fists over and over..again..
his hands soothing Me... his voice, even though I could not
understand what he was saying was calming to Me.
And then.. as I came more and more to conscienceness,
I became aware of his gentle persistence moving towards Me.
I found Myself frozen and trying to pull away.. but he continued
to comfort Me with words and touch.. softly.. gently..
each time My fists curled and I fought him.. he slowly
uncurled them.. and each time I pulled back in terror..
I could feel his tenderness.. I fought to keep
My eyes focused upon him as he did, for when I closed them
the ugliness and pain was there. But.. he did not stop...
as the faintest light began to rise in the sky
he smiled wonderfully down at Me.. and would not
let Me withdraw.. with soft and soothing words and touches..
he slowly continued.. and at the moment of intimacy,
when I again tried to pull back.. he whispered softly to Me
and stroked Me...assuring Me of his heartfelt feelings.
I finally was able to fight the terror down
as he did not let Me run from him,
but with infinite tenderness, brought us together.
Now.. coming more to full consciousnesses
I was becoming more and more aware of what he was
doing.. and.. how his kindness and compassion warmed Me..
and the fear began to recede... and then.. something even
more magical began to happen.. as pet continued...
I felt what I had never felt since the attack had occurred..
and the nightmares had ensued.. and that was..
pleasure on the heels of the terror...
As the nightmare receded more and more,
pet's touch and words came more and more
into focus.. and.... well... pet being pet..
brought not just soothing.. but.. what he is
so amazingly good at.. and that.. is..
pleasure.

It was not easy for him I am sure.. and this was not a
quick process.. for it had been fully dark when pet
had awoken Me.. but.. as the tide changed..
I could see the dawn coming in through the window...
and pet's summer blue eyes smiling down at Me..
as he rained tender kisses upon Me.

And as the first light streaked across the sky,
so did pet banish the terror and pain from Me..
and replace it with a sense of peace and well being
that I have not had since that horrible night
all those years ago.
And in the morning light.. did we both
find joy with each other, yet again.

But this time.. there is a deep calmness..
where in the past, there has always been the
hidden terror.

And so.. pet again.. had redefined himself with Me...
and taught Me something new.
For as I wrote him..
I have walked through this mentally
and emotionally,.
but never.. physically.
Never has anyone not just held and comforted Me,
but been so determined to turn it around,
been so consciously persistent
and to not allow Me to curl back into the ball of pain
that has come upon Me when I least expected it.
pet simply would not let Me do this..
and his overwhelming kindness.. and gentleness
and compassion... has done what decades of time
never did.. and that is.. to heal Me..
on the deepest physical level that there is..
and past that, and also to revive Me..
and out of that, bring back pleasure at a time
it has never existed before.

And so.. did we manage to unite
in the dawns morning light..
and I was able to give to pet
the pleasure he gave to Me.

Shortly thereafter..
pets alarm went off
and we rose together,
him hugging and kissing Me yet again..
and then we took a wonderful shower together,
coffee and yogurt with the normality of Good Morning America
in the background.
And then both of us dressed and ready,
we left to go our separate ways.
pet to his work,
Me to home and work.

And... that peacefulness is still there.
Things.. truly feel different today,
and unto tonight.

The hour is late.. and pet is sleeping..
I hope that he knows how much what
he has done means to Me, and how powerful
his healing has been to Me.

And so.. pet is not just My slave,
My paladin
but..
also.. My healer..
and...
My
hero.

With depthless gratitude
to pet..
Mystress