Pleasure and submission

pet sent Me a text today.. saying that he hopes
I'll be aroused when I arrive to see him tomorrow.
The response jumped into My head..
"My arousal will be in proportion to your submission."

After I sent the text, I pondered how deeply I felt that
answer. As some readers know, I started out on
this journey as a submissive, and yet, had a yearning
to develop what I knew were sometimes very dominant
feelings, or thoughts of what I would do if I had My own
submissive. Some of the things I would do.. what I would want. How things would be. I like to explore.. and expand things.. use My imagination and take things to new levels.

So I knew that I wanted an open minded submissive,
someone with whom this journey of exploration
would be exciting, pleasurable, and enlightening.

Owning pet has been a very interesting and certainly enjoyable experience. There is much about him that is unexpected.. and much that is exactly as I would have not only predicted, but fully expected. The longer we are together the stronger and more Dominant I feel, and the more I find I enjoy it when he is truly submissive to Me.

What has surprised Me, is how aroused I DO get
when I think of him being submissive to Me.
There are times when he is more so then others.
There are times when his energy is deeply submissive,
and yet.. there are other times when he is not.
As pet himself has expressed... he has a stubborn side
and sometimes I have difficulties with Myself when
I run up against it. I get shaken... and I sometimes fold
up like a weak tent. Sometimes I know how I feel,
but other times I am wavery about it. Perhaps it is the
Libra side of Me that tries to weigh everything
and be fair. What I forget in all this...
is that My being his owner.. is NOT about
being fair. It's about being true to Myself...
and being in charge of pet.
It's supposed to be about what I want,
and how I feel, and where I want to take us.
And that's not always with pet's approval.

There times when I know he is not pleased about things,
and I can pick up his feelings (as he mentioned in an
entry not long ago) those feelings have a strong
impact on Me as I am very sensitive to them.
And I have to be careful that I'm not
too easily swayed. Sometimes they hit Me
like a brick wall, and I find Myself very disconcerted.
I've read of other Dommes who also
run into this, and they all have different ways of
handling it. I am still working on My own ways.
Tuff, but not cruel. Strong, but not brutal.
I take much of pet's feelings into consideration
and do find Myself avoiding things I might say
or do if I was not quite so sensitive about it.
And I wonder.. how good is that?

For, as pet has pointed out in the past how I have
taken us places he did not want to go,
against his will, and yet, in the end,
he found it enjoyable and rewarding.
Times when I have been tough
even when he didn't seem to want it,
he has generally thanked Me for it.

I have to try and remember this..
and so..
does pet.

Because.... in the end..
I find it the most arousing
when pet allows himself to be truly submissive,
even when I ask the hardest things of him.
There is not alot of difficult things I have asked of him.
But when I do ask or say something that I knew
he is not happy about, and yet, he subjugates that
part of himself, and throws himself willingly into
his submission, trusting Me.. and allowing Me
to be be fully in charge and express Myself,
then that is when I find him the most arousing
and certainly, the most pleasing.

I hope that this entry
will give him something to think about
and a goal for him to reach for ever more
in the future. To know, that the greatest
reward comes from the most difficult
submission. I've not yet asked him for more...
but.. it does seem a natural evolution
of where we are going. He knows he
has a private assignment and that
will be one of the things that takes him
deeper into his submission, and I also expect
both of us into pleasure.

Best to all,
Mystress