In Appreciation of Solidarity and Kind Words

Hello again dear Readers,

I grew tired and pained at the end of my last entry, and apologize for its rather abrupt ending, plus the fact that Paladin had returned home, and I do my best to give him priority when I am with him, as I feel it should be.

What I neglected in my last post, is the expression of the deep and abiding appreciation I have for my beloved Paladin, and all he does for me.

This has not been an easy time for me... I don't do well with pain.. and I detest narcotic pain killers. I well remember my chiropractor's advice back in '86 that saved me from certain back surgery. That painkillers especially can be dangerous because if you don't feel the pain, your likely to do something to mess it up much worse then it is. So I only take them in the most dire of situations. Otherwise it's ibuprofen and MMJ which as the doc says, helps with both inflammation and to relax all those muscles and stress, but you can still feel the pain and hopefully not hurt yourself worse. It helps with the frustrations and depression of it seeming it will never end. So I have learned to be very careful with what I do. In particular, no lifting anything over 5 lbs.. no twisting, turning or lifting anything over my head. And now I have to use a cane to stay stable on my feet. Grrrrrr...All this takes a lot of patience.. of which I am not terribly well endowed with. I feel like I've paid my penance for lifting boxes I shouldn't have, but needed to be done..so now the pain and inconvenience can take a hike. HUMPH... guess not huh?

In all of this mess... there has been Paladin.. ever solid, steady and patient. I am ever grateful for that. We hope that we find reliable folks in our lives... and I know how well blessed I am to have a slave such as he. So many search and search.. many link up.. and life sometimes kicks them in the teeth. I sorrow for those that have had tidal waves of incidents and situations that have rattled their core's, but I implore them to hold tight onto what they believe in.. and in the end, if they must slip beneath the waters and part, then may it be with the best of wishes to all and with as much grace as can be mustered.

Of all things in this world.. I know that Paladin will always be there while he draws breath. The ring I wear with his words engraved "Forever Yours.....Paladin" given to me on that first anniversary over 3 years ago is his sworn promise to me. He is unlike many in that he is a truly noble Knight. He never makes a promise he cannot keep. At my most dire moments, is when he is the kindest and most reliable, the most solid, loving and encouraging. As I commented elsewhere, I KNOW that deep in his heart, from the inside out, he has only my best interests at heart. He would do anything for me and the only time he over rules me is in regards to my health and well being. That was a directive I did give him fairly early on, and it's been a good move on my part. For I know I may not be always thinking very clearly... but that he is. When I cannot trust that things will be okay... I can trust that WE will be okay.

And now.. a few words, about words...

In times of stress and pain.. we can say (or write) things that hurt others. We don't mean to.. but sometimes.. it can be as if something goads us into it, especially when we are hurting.

I use to do that a lot in my past. I used to throw words about with the thought of "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you." I grew up with that.. and lived by it for a long while, although a part of me winced whenever I said things that didn't need to be said usually some unkind barbed sarcasm. I have learned since.. that that saying is horribly untrue. Words DO hurt.. and do terrible damage sometimes.

All of my perceptions of words and the effects of them changed for me after I read this quote from the Baha'i Writings back in 1986.. and ever since then, it has always given me a mind to be so very careful of what I might say...

For the tongue is a smoldering fire, and excess of speech a deadly poison. Material fire consumeth the body, whereas the fire of the tongue devoureth both heart and soul. The force of the former lasteth but for a time, whilst the effects of the latter endureth a century. -Baha'u'llah

If there is ANY chance that this is true, and I do believe it to be so... I end this entry with that in mind... with just the idea that the "effects" of words of I say last 100 years.... I will continue to bite my tongue and take long, slow deep breaths when things hurt and I am feeling grumpy, angry and/or frustrated and know that this too shall pass... and try not to cross my arms and tap my foot while waiting for it to happen.

I also want to offer a deep heartfelt apology to any I may have hurt with my words... all I can say is that I continue to try to do better each day, and I'll try not to do it again, day by day.

On that note..
I truly send out all my best to all,
Mystress