Done?

Note... this has nothing to do with Paladin and I... we are.. splendid.. however...

Sometimes... you try to help someone... and while it seems to be going rough, sometimes.. there is progress.... and there are successes. But then... there are the times that that rock you are pushing up hill.. trying to help it get where it seemed to want to go... well... it gets heavier then you are.. and rolls right back over you, squishing you. Flattened when you least expected it. What do you do then? Do you get up and try again.. or at some point, when you feel shut out, do you just shake your head and wipe the dust and grime off and let it go to it's own devices? That is where I am now. I had been part of a team helping someone, and the last few days have been very very tough. Yesterday in particular... and at the end.. when I thought things might have turned a corner... well.. perhaps they have, but now.. it's not my responsibility anymore. I am sorry for that.. and I'll miss the interactions.. what I had perceived as team work is not really. I've done all I can the past couple of years.....on an almost daily basis connecting.. and worrying and sending all the good energy I could. But things change..... life changes. And in this case... access changes. Being shut out by choice is their choice. And now... I feel tossed away. I had a very very very bad day at the VA yesterday.... a worker lied and I was stuck for a couple hours fuming.. watching others who came after me get checked in and leaving .. and .. I didn't stand up for myself and correct the wrong... had a breakdown in the car after...shit shit shit.....just when I think I am getting stronger... the VA still set me back mentally and emotionally to the years of abuse at the military's hands. Took me a while to get grounded... got home finally.... and then found this other situation in a big mess... did my best to help.. thought I had.. but was then shut out. So... the only thing holding me steady today is knowing that no matter what or who else shits on me.. Paladin .. doesn't.
and today. that's all I have