The Three Month Rule- a perhaps unfair rant

-WARNING-

This is something of an emotional rant, and may be a bit unfair, but it is how I feel.

I think I also repeat myself some. *rueful smile*

A dear Domme friend once told me that one needs to wait at least three months to see if a sub is truly submissive and if they can maintain obedience for that long. If you pass that mark, you have a good chance of it working. She never liked to put much emotional investment in a sub before that time because of the' flake' factor. Alas. I had high hopes for thina, and found myself caring too much. And, made the mistake of introducing her here too soon because of what seemed like her enthusiasm for being Myne, and I thought devotion to me.

I have not written till now about releasing thina, although she has written about it on her blog. I have been too angry, hurt and feeling betrayed. Even this entry at this later date is harsh, and I know it. I had not read her blog until today, and I have to admit, it has refueled all the pain and anguish.

*sigh* I am a flexible Mystres.. and I am generally kind. I do not like to be pushed though, and I want to be the One they want to be with. I made some bad mistakes with thina in trying to be too flexible. I did treat her too much like an equal because of some her past issues and I let her 'top from the bottom' instead of disciplining her more stringently. I did not do many of the things with her I would have any other slave because of some of the issues she had with being who she was. Perhaps that was my mistake too, not forcing her to do some of the darker untoward things one can do in a virtual world one cannot do here. Nor would want to. I do know that I restrained myself as her Owner out of concern for her. She had strong opinions about how Owner's treated their subs, and I made the mistake using that for a guideline, instead of being Myself.

She had been dutifully writing me her required daily reports, to which she agreed before her collaring (if I remember correctly) and in them, a repeated theme developed that she did not have time to do the things she wanted to do, hinting that it was I who kept her from those things, and when I did give her time to do those things, she said I was neglecting her. I could not win for losing with her. She also was upset that my replies to her reports were not as long as her reports and felt that I was not giving her enough time in that regards. That I wrote the letters just to make her happy.. which to a large degree I did. *frowns* A Owner is not required to reply to reports. I did try to write to her as early in the day as I could. I do have a very busy life, and yet I would go out of my way to try and write her back because I know how much she looked forward to it and wanted me to. But to be told they were not 'long enough'.. is quite inappropriate for a slave by my way of thinking. In fact, that pissed me off.

I believe the final straw for her that made her rebel was when I gave her a curfew one nite after she had been up so late the night before that she did not wake up till late the next afternoon. What she didn't mention in her blog about it incident, was that she was very upset, even angry at me for it and said that she had not been able to do the things in world that she wanted to, the only time that she got anything done was when I wasn't around.. and since she couldn't sleep when she logged off early because of my curfew to her, that My Command had essentially been a waste of time, because she had only tossed and turned. A waste of time. My Command.. A waste of time. I have to admit, those words made me see red. Past that, they infuriated me. I wonder how other Owner's would feel to be told this by their slave?

We had made an agreement that she would be my companion in SL, and she said my curfew was stepping over that boundary and to be fair, it was out of world But she had not said anything about that before when I had rarely given her one. And yes, it was for her benefit. And yes, I was cold and angry. She had a bad habit of doing things, then telling me afterwards. In retrospect.. I think it was pretty clear passive aggressiveness. She would do things first, so that there WAS no fixing them or trying to compromise or alleviate whatever was going to happen. *sigh*

In retrospect, I believe I also made the mistake of accepting a home with her too soon under the wrong circumstances. She had gotten the land as a surprise, as I wrote about a few post's back. I had never ever set up a home with anyone, including Sir Robert before. Thinking that she would be long term and that I could trust her to be true and loyal I agreed to settle in with her. But twas not even two months later when she informed me via email that she was building a new home with someone she wanted to be her slave.

That was my final straw. As I told her then, I felt horribly sucker punched. It was a severe blow to Me.. and it's taken a while to adjust to it. I'd been too hurt to write about it here, hence my prolonged absence in blogging here. I am sure my bitterness still comes through. She wanted to be a Mentor, and train the girls.. and I went along with that. Then, when her two girls Bri and Christina were not around, she was feeling lonely not having a sub around after I went to bed. Then there came jessie.. and when thina sent me some pics of the two of them together.... I could feel that was the beginning of the end. And so it proved to be.

I do believe that thina started out with honorable intentions.. and that she generally meant well. But her own issues lead her to act out impulsively and that lack of self discipline, or respect for Me as her Owner also led her to destroy us. So... the house sits empty in my inventory. I took it out the other day to see if I could ever use it again as a home.. and found I cannot. As I stood in it, all the fond memories and joy in decorating it flooded over me like a crashing wave. The nites of her being bound, or dancing for me.. and at the end of the eve, cuddling.... all gone. But.. I guess many relationships start and end that way.

So, why write it here and now? Well.. because. this is a part of the D/s world. How we can have such high hopes, and then, have the dashed. My D/s relationships in Second Life are often as real as my rl ones. People can be many different things in that world however. And who is behind the screen and keyboard, we never really know. Some are honest, and some are not. I will say that thina was alway honest with me, and I knew who she was online and in rl. So, all of this that has happened between us is relevant to this blog.

I have been rattled in the past when this has happened, and thank goodness for Paladin who assures me that I am a good Owner. At least I am to him.. and perhaps that tis also part of the difficulty. Paladin is about as perfect as any slave could be. And I have become used to being unconditionally obeyed. And he never ever whines at me. Although he does make this sort of snort when I give him an especially silly Command. Even when I do demand time from him, or give him assignments he's not very happy with, like having to watch an episode of Glee with me, which was sheer torture to him he does it with impeccable grace and never makes me feel bad. After the Glee episode I asked him how he liked it. His gentle reply was 'its just not my cup of tea Mystress'. But in the three years I have owned him, he has never once complained, or thrown something back at me, nor hurt me. He is the sort who will not say anything rather then say something unkind.

He is a man who is a strong man, and while he is not submissive to anyone but me, at least he is to me. He feels it genuinely and never ever makes me feel bad for the Commands that I give him. I had been proud and happy to have thina as a submissive, but it did become obvious by the backhanded way she had of saying things, and laying blame on me as an Owner for 'interfering' in her life that she was not happy as my pet even though perhaps she wanted to be. Well, why be a sub then??? I guess that's why she left, and did it in such a way as to destroy what might have been able to end amicably. Which is sad, I would have felt much much better if she had been honest with me when she started feeling too restrained and I would have had much more respect and compassion. I want to be friends with her....

*Sighs sadly* Thina was never really very submissive. She was a Dom who because of a great tragedy, became a sub. She wanted to think she was. She was trying to be someone she wasn't. She might have meant well, but instead, it ended up being very heartbreakingly painful to me. I think is easier for a sub to become and Owner rather then the other way around. A sub never blames their Owner for Commands given, and time asked for. A true sub, lives FOR their Owner, and given the chance, would rather be with them then anywhere else. as I said, she did lots of 'topping from the bottom'. I hope she'll be a better Owner then slave. It hurts some to see how happy she is now with her new slave I will admit. She had said she would write me, but she doesn't. She never says hello without my saying it first anymore, and that too hurts. So many things have gone upside down.

I have not felt like looking for a replacement slave, yet I have been asked to be an Owner again in SL. So I have him on 30 day probation. I'll keep to the three month rule in much closer mind this time too . I have some new rules though after several long talks with Paladin about it. And dear Sir Robert has also been kind and supportive during this time. He growls some about my being betrayed as I was.. and I have to admit, that's how it felt. Thina has a way of doing things first, and telling me later, I think it was her way of sabotaging us once she realized how unhappy she had become, instead of having the courage to talk with me about it. As I told her, if she had spoken to me and said what she wanted to do before she just jumped and did it, then I would have felt much better.

I never kept thina from her friends, and same with Paladin. For myself as an Owner, I realize my sub is stronger and better when they DO have a circle of friends and support and some autonomy within that. This has worked very well for Paladin and I. I KNOW how important his friends are to him. And while I might want him to want to be with me more then he is, the fact is, he is a better slave for his friendships and time away. When I need him, he is there. And he is willing to sacrifice some special time with others if he feels that I need time. Example.. originally I was going to be with him this past weekend... but I realized that sunday was Mother's Day. and that he needed to be with her. He was going to see her the weekend before so as to not neglect his time with me. But, I would not hear of it. This being the 2nd Mother's Day with out my own mom, there was no way he was not going to spend that special day with her. He generally doesn't like my weekend with him to be one where he has to be on call for billing problems. But, I chose to have two weekends ago knowing that he would have to work on Fri, and we needed to adjust things some, but it all worked out well in the end, and he did spend time with his parents and siblings as a group for Mother's Day and that's what counts.

So... that's the latest... certainly not one of the happier post's I've ever written. I have left thina's blog on here because some folks have been reading it.. and.. she is in a D/s situation. And.. I really DO wish thina and her new pet all the best. I hope we can all learn from this experience.

*wry smile* The opinions expressed here are strictly Myne... and I've not changed my name to

protect myself.

Now that its all out.. we'll try to move on.

So.. best to all.. especially to thina.. and her new sub..

Mystress