Working with a Stallion...

                                                   

 

 This is how Paladin feels to me, strong and still partially wild.

Greetings Friends..

I was going to call this 'dealing with "why?".  But as I thought about how I wanted to write, I reflected on the similarities of my subject matter and growing up on an Arabian horse ranch. 

I'll back it up to the other night.  I forget what I asked him to do, but as is often his reply, it was "why?".  Now I'm guessing I'm not the only Dom/me who is always just a bit stunned when their otherwise well behaved slave asks them that after being given a Command.  "Why?"  How many times over the years have I stood there staring at him after he says that, and usually answered him, when I feel more like the old parental line of "Don't ask 'why?', just DO it!"  I want unquestioned obedience from him.  Or do I?   

So.. now back to the Arab horse ranch.    I learned early, that working with a young, big, very strong stallion took a lot of partnership.  First, he had to trust me, and that I knew what I was doing. (Did I really think he could jump that big ass log?  Yes, he's over 17 hands high and it's only a couple feet wide, but it's his first time) He had to feel my confidence that he could do it.  But we had gotten to that point after building a strong partnership, first on a lunge line, and then in the training ring. I remember trotting Sultan out the very first time I was training him to lunge (where you stand in the middle and the horse goes around you in a circle attached to a very long line.) 


 

 He stood there looking at me, his nostrils flaring widely as he looked at the long lunge training whip in my hand.  He wasn't sure he approved of any of this. In fact, he was pretty sure he didn't.  I poked his backside with it gently, and he snorted, but slowly walked along.  Then, I clucked at him, and he blew his nostrils at me again... I flicked the whip a touch on his haunches, and he kicked and stopped, facing me with the flaring nostrils.  

 

Now.. at this point... I'd seen it go two ways.  The most common was the 'cowboy way' where you lash them till they run and you hold tight to that line to keep them in the circle... or the way I was more comfortable with, which was to drop the whip down, pull out some carrot chunks, and walk up to him, feed him, rub his nose and ears till he ducked his head down and nuzzled me.  Right.. we ARE friends big fella.. now.. lets try this again.  So.. I walk back to the center, he tries to follow me, but now I raise the whip and use it to poke him back, and he quickly steps back.  He begins walking, I click, he kicks just a bit, but starts into a trot... Excellent! This goes well for a bit, now time to learn to go the other way.  I put my arm and whip out straight in front of the direction he is going and call out "REVERSE!".  He comes to a dead stop, and turns to face me, ears back, tail swishing and nostrils, you got it.. flaring. Then a couple of foot stomps. So.. I drop the whip, walk back out to him, repeat with the carrots, rubbing and talking till he nuzzles me again, then I turn him facing the opposite direction and click him into a trot.  He gets going round and round again, then, comes the arm and whip up and the Command "REVERSE".. he stops and turns part way.. "Good boy, that's right"...  a bit of a flick of the whip on his butt and he starts trotting the other way... round and round.. 

  


"REVERSE" and this time, just the arm goes up, and he turns and goes the other way, smooth as clockwork.   We do this for about 30 mins, he gets into the rhythm, and then I drop the line, do a certain whistle and call "COME"  and he stops and trots up to me, and then I give him carrots and he bumps his nose against me.  I take him back to the paddock and let him go... for now this bit of training is done.  After this, he may still stop and maybe test if I am still strong enough to control him, but in the end, its a loving partnership. See a connection?

                                                











Now I see Paladin much the same.  He's not a submissive slave. He is a very strong man.  I think his years as a Rugby Captain made him very competitive, and got him used to being a leader and in control.

  (hubba hubba for Rugby players I say!)

 He is a brilliant software engineer and a leader in his work.  Think of giving mouse's Omega a Command and imagine the look you'd get. Yeah. something like that..  While I know that my being the decision maker takes a lot of pressure off of him in a personal way, I also know that its very hard for him to take a Command when he doesn't know why.  But still.. that "why?" gets under my skin, and it makes me wanna smack him with the whip, or towel, or maybe the new floggers we got from Ms.Ann . When I give him a Command, I just want him to obey and NOT ask me why.  Am I being unreasonable here???

It seems to me, we have build up some pretty strong trust five years into this.  And yet, I find myself explaining to him 'why'.  And I take a deep breath, and then, take the time to explain, because after all, he is still like that semi-wild stallion, and I'd rather have him that way, then any other.  The subject matter of being 'broken' had come up on other blogs.  And my answer, is that like Monty Roberts, the real horse whisperer, I'd rather earn the devotion and loyalty for real, then breaking him to submit. And I do know, that I have his total devotion and obedience when I need it.

But I do wish, he's stop asking me 'why' quite so often, else I may just have to try that particular stingy flogger out, just to re-establish things a bit.
*grins*

Best to all,
Mystress

My Other Blog

Good day Friends,

Part of the reason I am doing this is due to the Heron Clan.  I am sooo impressed by Tom and swan over there, writing their hearts out about their evolution from one not-so-good-place to a really, really awesome place now.  So I tilt my hat to them!

Those of you that have been following along, know that Paladin and I recently relocated to Tx together.  I have written here a few times about my breakdown at the VA.  A intense in-patient program in the Houston area was suggested by my Vet Center doc.  I did not want to go into it without finding out more about it. I am more then a little wiggy feeling about being locked up any place that's military again.  After meeting some of the other veterans that have gone through this intense program here, it has mixed to negative reviews.  Each lady told me it didn't work well for them and that there were problems at the VA as well.  But bless their hearts, they'd go on to say 'but maybe it's just me, it wasn't right for me.' But their eyes don't have much conviction when they follow it up with "but it might work for you". Yeah um, about that.. not so much I'm thinking.  

Anyways.. so my new doc at the Vet Center here has been keeping me pretty busy. She sees me every other week and then I have MST group every other week. And she gives me both reading and homework to do at every session.  She's giving me some great tools to cope.  And I'm glad, cuz when Paladin says or does something that's a 'trigger'.. it upsets us both.. I feel bad that I react, and he feels bad he did it.  Back when I had all these secrets stuffed into the closet, I could block it out and hide from it.  But now, that I'm supposed to be 'working' to get better, it's all around me all the time.  Soo. Doc told me to do a journal, and I started a hen scratched pen and paper one, but then, I stumbled in my wanderings and research across a blog called Enemy in the Wire and as a blogger, they inspired me.  (I'm not including the link cuz I don't want them to trace me back to here, but I do have them linked on my other blog)  So I decided to do most of my journaling online as well as adding some resources.  I'm finding it very healing.

Now, a quick note about Paladin... no, he's not bad.. he's just mischievous.. and I see why his family name is 'pest'.  And I do adore him so.  But seriously, I don't know where I'd be without him.  He is soooo amazing in his support and encouragement. And he's had to hear some pretty ugly stuff through all this.  I try not to seem too immersed in what I am doing, but he says that I need to be to get better.  Doc told me last week she's impressed with how seriously I am taking all this.. well heck yeah.. I do want some sanity back.  The other ladies in the MST group are so great.. and one of them, L (whose the oldest of us, been 38 years since she was attacked) and she's having a really really rough time.  She came home from group yesterday to find her adult daughter had torn up all her MST books and work book from Doc and tossed it in the fireplace. She sent me an email and we are both on Facebook now, and chatting.. and it feels good to be able to help someone else a bit with encouragement.  She likes my new blog a lot as do the other Ladies of the Group. 

Paladin and I did go to a  Fet life toga party last sat and had a blast!  Saw the most AMAZING scene... we were mesmerized.. will have him write about it soon. *grins* sometimes the boy needs help with subject matter.. 

Anyways.. I am adding my new blog to my blog roll here.. kinda like The Heron Clan's blog they did as they did their bariatric surgeries, and even now, with their soul retrievals. So without adieu, here it is, starting at the beginning.

One Sailors Military Sexual Trauma Recovery Blog and Journal: First Post:

 Best to all, 

Mystress

Am I Being Bad

Good evening all.

Life is good and each day is a joy to wake to...mmm my dear Mystress there every day and night..yum. Itsbeen 3 lovely months so far and with no end in sight...its a wonderful thing for Mystres and I. I think I owe all our friends a quarterly BIG THANK YOU for all the well wishes and encouragement we get. It makes our difficult choices so much more rewarding..so thank you all.

Now why i ask "Am i being bad" is because of something that has happened lately. My Mystress has developed a little ticklish neck, and i must say...i do so enjoy kissing her all over her neck and feeling her squirm some :) Now i dont do it intentionally for that will get me a bare ass introduction to the kitchen towel...something i dont want to experience. Its just sometimes, when i leam Mystress back, lean in and kiss her softly on her neck, she sometimes squirms and i cant help but chuckle :)

Should i stop? Should i not laugh? I really dont want to give up kissing my dear Mystress but i dont want to be bad either.. so i ask all our great friends...what would you do in this situation.

Smiling

Paladin

Lightening Strikes the Heart

Soo, I'm a big fan of Smash... and this is one of my fave songs.  It reminds me of meeting Paladin the very first time at a posh Chinese Bistro that warm July day. "Stopped me on the corner, I swear you hit me like a vision..."  I had no idea when we met, where it would lead.  But now...it's led us here, to our new 24/7 life together, and this is a song that fits perfect right now. Music is like that for me.. some songs stay the same..and some change. 

Hummms "Who am I to tell fate where to go?"....

Best to all,

Mystress