Not the weekend we had planned.. not at all.
Things at Paladin's work took a downward turn do the bad economy and the end of the week saw a good number of layoffs at his company. The text he sent when this happened said the mood there was very 'somber. That set the mood for his continued dedication...except that things he had hoped would finish on Fri night, did not go as he had hoped.
This is one of those times, that no matter what an Owner may want to do, tis best to let go of one's plans (or at least do their best to), and accept that even to us, some things do as I told Paladin, trump us. His work has to be one of those things. With his boss out of town and Paladin left in charge of two working teams, he had to be totally focused on what he was doing, even if, or especially since.. he was telecommuting. I don't even know how late he worked on Fri nite as I finally went to bed around 10:30ish.. Hoping he'd be able to get done with the project and rest soon. It was very sad to go to bed alone.
Welll.. being finished with the project for the weekend, it turns out, was not to be. Paladin was up before Me and working again on Sat morning. This led to the biggest difference in our weekend. Because a weekend morning is the thing I look forward to more then anything else. He was very sweet as he told Me to sleep in.. but I couldn't for very long. A 'normal' weekend waking up with Paladin is the best part to Me. His warm cuddles and erotic touches are better then waking up to bacon cooking. So I lay alone in his bed for a bit, feeling the warmth of his body fading from it at the same time I was hearing him already on the phone having work conversations when I got up not long after him. Thinking that this was going to be over soon, I didn't mind going into the office to play on the computer to keep Myself from distracting him.
However.....
One of the vital team members seemed to have decided not to respond to anything, and I could feel Paladin's frustration building as the morning and then afternoon went by and the person seemed to have dropped of the face of the planet. A flurry of emails and phone calls went unanswered.. and this continued all day on Sat. The other team was having problems with file transfers and it became apparent that Paladin was now also going to have to work all day on Sunday.
This led to neither of us feeling very well as the day passed and it was mid afternoon that I decided that I was simply not up to going out to the planned party. Paladin also had developed a slightly scratchy throat that didn't seem to feel like his allergies, another reason to not take a chance at the party. We let our hosts know and instead we went and had a quiet dinner alone together. This was one of those times when neither of us had the energy to deal with other people and I simply wanted to curl up at home and try to get past things.
It felt like I had.. lost heart to some degree. Paladin couldn't have been more apologetic. It was not his fault by any means.. it was simply the state of the situation.. and even though I knew this logically... I didn't handle it very well emotionally. It seems that no matter what I tried, I couldn't slide out of the sadness I felt. I had waited weeks for this weekend with him..and now.. all I could do was try to find ways to amuse Myself and not change the clear focus on his work he needed. His work is very very technical..and he couldn't afford to lose track of where he was, or miss any of the gazillions of tiny details he was responsible to be sure were perfect, especially since he was doing this for his out of town boss after a fresh round of layoffs.
Even after he had turned off the computer for the nite, I could still feel his brain thinking about all that he hadn't been able to do and all that he was going to have to do the next day. The long hot bath I had wanted to take was left by the wayside and instead, I just tried to find a way to sleep.
This morning... he was back up at it again before I was up..although I woke up when he got up... and tried again to resolve all this within Me. Always in the past.. the very best thing about weekends has been NOT having to get up and go to work as we do during the week. Yes... we got to sleep in two more hours... but then it was up and deep focus into the computer. No cuddling, no playing no... well.. any of the things we would normally do.
Worst.. was losing My ability to be in control for the weekend.. in fact.. I had no control. At least that's how it felt. And as the weekend passed, this built up into more and more frustration on My part. As I watched him work, I wanted to yank him off that damn computer and tie him up spread-eagle on his bed... I wanted to demand pleasure from him.. I wanted to Command his attention...but instead.. I huddled in the corner of the couch trying to not let him see how upset I was. This of course did not work.
Paladin has developed lots of intuition over the almost two years I have owned him.. and as a Reiki practitioner, he is even more so. No matter how hard I tried to smile...it was obvious that I was having a hard time, and it was also obvious that he was too. We talked several times as he worked.. he said (and I know that he can) do a couple things at once... but as I said a bit ago, this is highly technical work with lots of numbers and such.. and I know I couldn't do it if I wasn't abel to fully focus on it... and I had to allow him to do that as well.. it was the only thing I could do.. to try and support him as best I could.
It had been planned that I would spend tonight as well.... but.. I simply couldn't handle it anymore.. and decided it would be best for us both if I just left. He told Me many times I was welcome to stay..and normally.. I would have loved to... but this was not at all normal for us.. and it was best that I left, and I did early in the afternoon. His eyes were terribly sad, and I knew that he was just as unhappy about how things had turned out as I was.. and I truly didn't want to make him feel any worse. We both felt pretty awful I think, although again, it was just one of those things out of either of our control.
In the end.. he worked on until 9:30 tonight... I am sure his brain must be slush. Yes.. I am supposed to see him again tomorrow nite.. and he has promised he is not working... we shall see. But the hard part is.. that now.. our weekend to sleep in and play and relax is a total bust. None of the above happened at all.. *sigh*
He has promised that we won't wait a whole month or more to make this up... and I will look forward to another weekend that puts this one by the wayside. We tried to console each other with the fact that we've had all great weekends... and that this is the first one that has sucked this bad.. and not in a good way. So.. we will expect to have a grand one next time! But he is still going to owe Me.... and owe Me really really big!
Oh.. and although this is the night that Paladin normally posts to this blog, I have given him grace from it this week due to his brain being all squishy from too many hours on the computer.
Mystress
