Working with a Stallion...

                                                   

 

 This is how Paladin feels to me, strong and still partially wild.

Greetings Friends..

I was going to call this 'dealing with "why?".  But as I thought about how I wanted to write, I reflected on the similarities of my subject matter and growing up on an Arabian horse ranch. 

I'll back it up to the other night.  I forget what I asked him to do, but as is often his reply, it was "why?".  Now I'm guessing I'm not the only Dom/me who is always just a bit stunned when their otherwise well behaved slave asks them that after being given a Command.  "Why?"  How many times over the years have I stood there staring at him after he says that, and usually answered him, when I feel more like the old parental line of "Don't ask 'why?', just DO it!"  I want unquestioned obedience from him.  Or do I?   

So.. now back to the Arab horse ranch.    I learned early, that working with a young, big, very strong stallion took a lot of partnership.  First, he had to trust me, and that I knew what I was doing. (Did I really think he could jump that big ass log?  Yes, he's over 17 hands high and it's only a couple feet wide, but it's his first time) He had to feel my confidence that he could do it.  But we had gotten to that point after building a strong partnership, first on a lunge line, and then in the training ring. I remember trotting Sultan out the very first time I was training him to lunge (where you stand in the middle and the horse goes around you in a circle attached to a very long line.) 


 

 He stood there looking at me, his nostrils flaring widely as he looked at the long lunge training whip in my hand.  He wasn't sure he approved of any of this. In fact, he was pretty sure he didn't.  I poked his backside with it gently, and he snorted, but slowly walked along.  Then, I clucked at him, and he blew his nostrils at me again... I flicked the whip a touch on his haunches, and he kicked and stopped, facing me with the flaring nostrils.  

 

Now.. at this point... I'd seen it go two ways.  The most common was the 'cowboy way' where you lash them till they run and you hold tight to that line to keep them in the circle... or the way I was more comfortable with, which was to drop the whip down, pull out some carrot chunks, and walk up to him, feed him, rub his nose and ears till he ducked his head down and nuzzled me.  Right.. we ARE friends big fella.. now.. lets try this again.  So.. I walk back to the center, he tries to follow me, but now I raise the whip and use it to poke him back, and he quickly steps back.  He begins walking, I click, he kicks just a bit, but starts into a trot... Excellent! This goes well for a bit, now time to learn to go the other way.  I put my arm and whip out straight in front of the direction he is going and call out "REVERSE!".  He comes to a dead stop, and turns to face me, ears back, tail swishing and nostrils, you got it.. flaring. Then a couple of foot stomps. So.. I drop the whip, walk back out to him, repeat with the carrots, rubbing and talking till he nuzzles me again, then I turn him facing the opposite direction and click him into a trot.  He gets going round and round again, then, comes the arm and whip up and the Command "REVERSE".. he stops and turns part way.. "Good boy, that's right"...  a bit of a flick of the whip on his butt and he starts trotting the other way... round and round.. 

  


"REVERSE" and this time, just the arm goes up, and he turns and goes the other way, smooth as clockwork.   We do this for about 30 mins, he gets into the rhythm, and then I drop the line, do a certain whistle and call "COME"  and he stops and trots up to me, and then I give him carrots and he bumps his nose against me.  I take him back to the paddock and let him go... for now this bit of training is done.  After this, he may still stop and maybe test if I am still strong enough to control him, but in the end, its a loving partnership. See a connection?

                                                











Now I see Paladin much the same.  He's not a submissive slave. He is a very strong man.  I think his years as a Rugby Captain made him very competitive, and got him used to being a leader and in control.

  (hubba hubba for Rugby players I say!)

 He is a brilliant software engineer and a leader in his work.  Think of giving mouse's Omega a Command and imagine the look you'd get. Yeah. something like that..  While I know that my being the decision maker takes a lot of pressure off of him in a personal way, I also know that its very hard for him to take a Command when he doesn't know why.  But still.. that "why?" gets under my skin, and it makes me wanna smack him with the whip, or towel, or maybe the new floggers we got from Ms.Ann . When I give him a Command, I just want him to obey and NOT ask me why.  Am I being unreasonable here???

It seems to me, we have build up some pretty strong trust five years into this.  And yet, I find myself explaining to him 'why'.  And I take a deep breath, and then, take the time to explain, because after all, he is still like that semi-wild stallion, and I'd rather have him that way, then any other.  The subject matter of being 'broken' had come up on other blogs.  And my answer, is that like Monty Roberts, the real horse whisperer, I'd rather earn the devotion and loyalty for real, then breaking him to submit. And I do know, that I have his total devotion and obedience when I need it.

But I do wish, he's stop asking me 'why' quite so often, else I may just have to try that particular stingy flogger out, just to re-establish things a bit.
*grins*

Best to all,
Mystress

My Other Blog

Good day Friends,

Part of the reason I am doing this is due to the Heron Clan.  I am sooo impressed by Tom and swan over there, writing their hearts out about their evolution from one not-so-good-place to a really, really awesome place now.  So I tilt my hat to them!

Those of you that have been following along, know that Paladin and I recently relocated to Tx together.  I have written here a few times about my breakdown at the VA.  A intense in-patient program in the Houston area was suggested by my Vet Center doc.  I did not want to go into it without finding out more about it. I am more then a little wiggy feeling about being locked up any place that's military again.  After meeting some of the other veterans that have gone through this intense program here, it has mixed to negative reviews.  Each lady told me it didn't work well for them and that there were problems at the VA as well.  But bless their hearts, they'd go on to say 'but maybe it's just me, it wasn't right for me.' But their eyes don't have much conviction when they follow it up with "but it might work for you". Yeah um, about that.. not so much I'm thinking.  

Anyways.. so my new doc at the Vet Center here has been keeping me pretty busy. She sees me every other week and then I have MST group every other week. And she gives me both reading and homework to do at every session.  She's giving me some great tools to cope.  And I'm glad, cuz when Paladin says or does something that's a 'trigger'.. it upsets us both.. I feel bad that I react, and he feels bad he did it.  Back when I had all these secrets stuffed into the closet, I could block it out and hide from it.  But now, that I'm supposed to be 'working' to get better, it's all around me all the time.  Soo. Doc told me to do a journal, and I started a hen scratched pen and paper one, but then, I stumbled in my wanderings and research across a blog called Enemy in the Wire and as a blogger, they inspired me.  (I'm not including the link cuz I don't want them to trace me back to here, but I do have them linked on my other blog)  So I decided to do most of my journaling online as well as adding some resources.  I'm finding it very healing.

Now, a quick note about Paladin... no, he's not bad.. he's just mischievous.. and I see why his family name is 'pest'.  And I do adore him so.  But seriously, I don't know where I'd be without him.  He is soooo amazing in his support and encouragement. And he's had to hear some pretty ugly stuff through all this.  I try not to seem too immersed in what I am doing, but he says that I need to be to get better.  Doc told me last week she's impressed with how seriously I am taking all this.. well heck yeah.. I do want some sanity back.  The other ladies in the MST group are so great.. and one of them, L (whose the oldest of us, been 38 years since she was attacked) and she's having a really really rough time.  She came home from group yesterday to find her adult daughter had torn up all her MST books and work book from Doc and tossed it in the fireplace. She sent me an email and we are both on Facebook now, and chatting.. and it feels good to be able to help someone else a bit with encouragement.  She likes my new blog a lot as do the other Ladies of the Group. 

Paladin and I did go to a  Fet life toga party last sat and had a blast!  Saw the most AMAZING scene... we were mesmerized.. will have him write about it soon. *grins* sometimes the boy needs help with subject matter.. 

Anyways.. I am adding my new blog to my blog roll here.. kinda like The Heron Clan's blog they did as they did their bariatric surgeries, and even now, with their soul retrievals. So without adieu, here it is, starting at the beginning.

One Sailors Military Sexual Trauma Recovery Blog and Journal: First Post:

 Best to all, 

Mystress

Am I Being Bad

Good evening all.

Life is good and each day is a joy to wake to...mmm my dear Mystress there every day and night..yum. Itsbeen 3 lovely months so far and with no end in sight...its a wonderful thing for Mystres and I. I think I owe all our friends a quarterly BIG THANK YOU for all the well wishes and encouragement we get. It makes our difficult choices so much more rewarding..so thank you all.

Now why i ask "Am i being bad" is because of something that has happened lately. My Mystress has developed a little ticklish neck, and i must say...i do so enjoy kissing her all over her neck and feeling her squirm some :) Now i dont do it intentionally for that will get me a bare ass introduction to the kitchen towel...something i dont want to experience. Its just sometimes, when i leam Mystress back, lean in and kiss her softly on her neck, she sometimes squirms and i cant help but chuckle :)

Should i stop? Should i not laugh? I really dont want to give up kissing my dear Mystress but i dont want to be bad either.. so i ask all our great friends...what would you do in this situation.

Smiling

Paladin

Lightening Strikes the Heart

Soo, I'm a big fan of Smash... and this is one of my fave songs.  It reminds me of meeting Paladin the very first time at a posh Chinese Bistro that warm July day. "Stopped me on the corner, I swear you hit me like a vision..."  I had no idea when we met, where it would lead.  But now...it's led us here, to our new 24/7 life together, and this is a song that fits perfect right now. Music is like that for me.. some songs stay the same..and some change. 

Hummms "Who am I to tell fate where to go?"....

Best to all,

Mystress

In Which Paladin Gets a Towel Snapping...

Good morning greetings to our dear R/readers and  F/friends,

I thought I'd recount a bit of discipline that Paladin got the other day, and I wondered if anyone else has done this to their subs or slaves?

Paladin had managed to accumulate a few demerits, the biggest one had been from the night before, when the last words I had said to him Sun nite as we went to bed totally exhausted and able to sleep in the next morning was "and make sure you don't have any alarms or reminders set on because if it wakes me up, I WILL beat you!"  But... at around 8am.. I hear one of his reminders go off and it wakes me up.. and then it takes me a bit to get back to sleep again. I did note to myself, that he would have to pay for that.  Now he thinks that he didn't have any set.. and maybe it was an email that went off... but still, he didn't check the phone after I said that, nor turn the volume down.  He just  basically said 'uh huh'.  So when it went off and woke me up... well. that started him off on the wrong foot. (And I remember kaya over at Under His Hand saying how we Dom/mes should live up to our promises to do do what we say.. so.. of course I was going to have to follow through with this *nods seriously* )

 I don't remember what the last thing he did was, but whatever it was, was one thing too many and at one point on Monday evening I finally got totally exasperated with him as I was drying something in the kitchen with a towel.  And the thought crossed my mind "Okay.. that's it, enough.. time to set this boy back a bit!" Hmmm.. but how?  Suddenly, I got an inspiration. I looked at the towel in my hand.. and flashed on having towel snapped a Master way way back when I was a sub.. (which resulted in my getting several smacks with a metal spatula.. and OUCH!)

But the towel part... purrrfect!   How simple is that?? I didn't need anything more then what I had in my hand and the kitchen we were in.  So...  I told him to lean forward and grab the edges of the kitchen island and spread his legs some.  He does like to ask too many questions sometimes..like "why?"... and I told him to just do it! Grrrr... wrong thing to say to your already pissed off Domme.   He had on either shorts or swim trunks, and as he leaned over... I twirled that towel  around like any good guy in the gym showers and gave him a series of strong SNAPS right on the ass with it.  Then a few on those lovely rugby thighs of his.  He winced.. GOOD!  It didn't seem to be hitting quite like I wanted, but he assured me it was.  *wicked grin*  I thought they were kinda weak sounding 'pops' and I wanted to get some seriously good sounding SNAPS....then I hit my rhythm with it... Hey.. this was.. kinda fun!  And soooo simple... took no assembly or hunting down the right thing to spank him with.  Just the kitchen island and the towel!     After reminding him of several offenses as I SNAPPED him, including a bit of a rant about that dammed phone beeping so early after I told him to be sure it didn't... I told him okay.. he was done.. but then,  I noted it was after 7:30.. the time by which he is supposed to have his collar presented... so he got several more strong SNAPS just for good measure.  I think he got the point.  Next time.. maybe I'll even wet the towel some...

best be careful me pet....

Best wishes to all out there..

Mystress

Progressions

Good evening to all our wonderful friends.

Thank you to my dear sweet Mystress for doing such a wonderful job recounting the visit and family time. The week was a long one yet a very important one for us all. Why? Because it served as an important step in or ever evolving relationship.

It was definitely a challenging visit because we had to slowly introduce foreign concepts to a family where everything we  have experienced was and still is a totally foreign concept. Like Mystress said, do we ever tell our parents all the details of what we truly get up to? I feel a large portion of us dont :) So the process of getting them a climated to us began. The hardest part of it all was not being able to be my sub self with my dear Mystress. We had moments we could indulge but for the most part, we bottled our desires so that a proper introduction could be made. By the end of the visit, i think we have planted a good seed of change in most of the family and it shall not be long before we can be our true selfs and do what we do, albeit it sans the crops and x-crosses :) Who really wants there mom ever finding those special toys :)

One thing i do want to ask all our readers has been on my mind of late and perhaps i can gain some knowledge from all you guys. To those of you all that were once in a part time relationship for lack of a better term, but who now are full time....what sort of progressions did you all go through? Did anything change? Good or bad? Did part time routines continue or did they morph into something else?

I ask because since we are now full time, i have noticed some things have changed. Time for one slips by enjoyably. I often find myself forgetting things i wouldnt, like having my collar on in time. Am i a bad sub for this? Does my blindness to time being with Mystress warrant this behavior? Another would be my blog duties. We did this blog to be more in touch with one another, but since we together now all the time, my preference is to always share my thoughts with Mystress in person.

I know these progression are likely due to my endless time with Mystress...but i feel i need to be more aware of our routines so that i can best keep them up. I really do care to hear about other progressions from our readers so that i may reflect on them and see if they can be found in our wonderful time together.

Waiting for enlightenment

Paladin.

The Family Visit

Is.. done. Whew. For the record... I like his family a lot.. great folks.. Love his mom especially.. sweet lady, and pet looks more like her then his dad.. and since his mom is also quite pretty..I can see where he got his good looks. His dad is a bit gruff, and very old fashioned. His two brothers are good guys too. Paladin is the eldest child, and you can certainly see that in the family dynamics. I am sure that he is also the more open minded of the group. How he got that way, I'm not sure.. but he is quite different from the rest in that his mind is much more open to many things then the rest of the family.

The week was... rough.. The worst part...was having to sleep upstairs alone in my room. Didn't like that one bit....although it turns out my bed is more comfy then his, and once kitty Leo figured out where I was, he came up knocking on my door to come in and keep me company. :)

The reason for my sleeping upstairs... was because his family didn't really know anything about me until we were getting ready to move. I mean, how many of your parents have any idea of what your REALLY up to? In his case, they knew I was the wife of a friend of his. Well.. that's what they thought they knew anyways. I think the word 'Triad' isn't in their lexicon. No way to explain to them that things sometimes start one way, and then evolve to something else. In our case, it was with the the full support and encouragement of the spouse.

They found out the same time their beloved son is moving from CA to Tx that he is bringing this woman along.. his friends wife. Well.. now his friend and wife are separating and divorcing. but the wife.. is with him? His family is from one of the British colonies (till they kicked the Brits out) but, they have a very strong, old fashioned moral code, and all this has twisted their heads some. (Polyamory isn't i their lexicon either) So... the plan was to give them time to get used to me, and the idea. So... we had to play that we are 'just' good friends right now. Roommates. Paladin says his Dad asked him a few times what our 'arrangement' was. And Paladin would say there wasn't one. That I was living with him and that I have a home with him as long as I want. That I have no family left anymore and needed a fresh start, and that he offered to let me come along, and I took him up on it. They can see we work well as a team. But it wreaked havoc on me some. First... not being able to be at all Mystressy with him.. but that wasn't too awful. It was the not being able to hug him, or touch him or look at him the way I feel. Waking up from nightmares alone was awful too. Pretending that we are just good 'friends'... really hard to do. We both had tears in our eyes several times during the week. Good thing I had my journal to pour all those feelings into.

But.... bless his sweet heart, Paladin made sure I was included in everything that he could. One of my first inclinations was to withdraw into myself and my room and just stay up there. But Paladin was adamant, the only way I'd become the part of the family he wanted me to be, was for me to participate and be around them all as much as possible. For instance...last Mon, they had planned a trip to Galveston. There were 5 of the family total, and that's all that would fit in the car. So Paladin informed his family we were taking two cars so that I could go. At first, I told him no, and I'd stay home as his family had come all this way to see him and spend time with him, and taking two cars all the way to Galveston was silly. He said it wasn't up for discussion and that I was going with them. Humm,, is that topping from the bottom? I did think about refusing, but he wanted me to go so much.... and truth be told, I wanted to go too. So I did. We drove there in his car, (which did give us a nice break alone together to hold hands and touch some) and his family followed in their rental car. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed it a lot as well. Galveston reminded me of Pensacola, where I was based while in the Navy. And they are building a 'Pleasure Pier'. No pooo, that's what they are calling it. Looks like it will be a lot of fun when its done. They already want to come back and see it when its finished.

On Tue, his youngest brother had to fly back to CA for work as he could only get a few days off. So that put the number of us back to 5, and then I could fit in the car with the rest of them. They loved the area. Wed we went up to Lake Conroe and his Dad was quite interested in property prices up there. He may be thinking of a local vacation home. Thur we went up to the Woodlands to walk around and have dinner. But we left before dark and they didn't get to see it at night... next trip. And then on Fri, we went to see Dark Shadows... which everyone liked even those that didn't think they would. By the end of the week Paladin says his mom was making reference to 'you guys will find many fun things to do here'. Sat, his mom gave me hug me when they left.   beams

After the week... I was feeling a bit withdrawn still. Having had to pull in myself to be around him with his family here was hard and hurt. Paladin says that the worst is over now.. that they have met me, seen how well we get along. So it would be a natural progression for us to be closer next time they come visit. I hope so, cuz I am not sure I can handle doing all that again.

Soooo.. after they left... We were both relieved but tired from driving all over. And I really wasn't up to a public play party, and decided we'd do our own. I did greatly enjoy putting his collar on after a week, and his restraints... and then I tied pet down and flogged the holy heck out of him with the soft flogger...some with the stingy flogger and crop too.. oh, and I also ran the Gutenberg wheel all over him.. some icy metal on some tender parts too. Followed by all sorts of various other implements from the play bag all over him. Put him in his sub place but good!

Now that visit is over. Not sure how long till the next one, but Paladin thinks it will only be a few months. Our next round of visitors starts in mid July, but they are friends, the first will be my ex Mistress, and then the Germans at the end of the month. They are vanilla, but still, I won't have to sleep upstairs. Heh. No more of that!

Much thanks to all our friends at Fetlife for their suggestions of places to go. They are on the list for the next time, and the next round of visitors.

And that's... the real story of how the first family visit went.

Best to all, 
Mystress