Still Here and Going Strong!

Greetings friends and readers, 

In April we finally moved onto our 8.36 acres in the Sam Houston Forest. And we LOVE it! Things have been exceedingly busy for both of us. Pet got promoted and is now a supervisor, which he is not a fan of. He has also had to do more travelling, also which he is not a fan of.  

Things for us have continued to progress most wonderfully. This past July was both our 1st wedding anniversary, and 10 years since I collared Paladin.  We have not been very busy in the kink community as we have both has other things going on, and that's fine with us. We have plenty in our day to day lives. There are also some shady characters in our local community we would rather not be around.   We both love our new rural life and living in the forest. We have added a couple of large puppies to our family, and they have grown quickly. 

The years roll by, and things seem to just get better and better.  So not a lot to share, except we are still here and well and exceedingly happy.

Wishing the best to all,
Mystress

Wow, over a year of more wonderfulness!

Greetings Friends and Readers... at least those that haven't given up on us. We are still out here! I am amazed to think it has been over a year since I last posted.  My heartfelt apologies.. wow. Guess 'real' life has taken over. 

We did get married on July 30, 2016! It was a very small family wedding. Pet's parents and brother and sig other, and our House of Swan Family.. well, part of them. It was 20 all together. At our home.. with catered BBQ. The peach cobbler was fantastic. As was our tasty cake, red velvet with raspberry filling and fudge frosting. OH me gosh! And pet looked so very handsome..  It was 9 years and 3 days after I had collared him that we wed. 

Things with us are better then every. We went through the process of getting a loan to get our house built on our 8.36 acres, where we can literally swing from the trees! They just started building this past Mon, and on Fri we go up to see progress and plan for the well and septic, garage and shop and green house, bard and riding arena. 

Tonight we go to our local Fet Life munch where we will see many dear friends. It's been a couple of months since we have been, and we both like seeing our friends.  

I have been going to the local adult lunch munch held on Wed's in our area with my Wed lunch friend and we have been enjoying it very much.  In fact, met another rugby player there, very charming chap! I came to send him the link to the Rugby Thighs post I did, and low and behold, found I'd not done a post in over a year. I woulda sworn it had been only been about 7 months or so.  

So here is a quick update, and I will write more soon. I have some lovely new toys I want to post and show here. Flora and Fauna....

Best to all!
Mystress

Consensual Control = Relationship Win!

Sooo, yesterday in my PTSD group at the Vet Center, our therapist "C" handed out a group assignment having to do with control issues. They were short essay questions. As she explained, PTSD most often leaves survivors with an intense need to control people and situations. The first question asked, "Who do you try to control and why?" (or something close to that). It went on to ask how people felt about your controlling them, and how did it work out for you?

The other 3 ladies went first. They spoke about their efforts to control their kids and/or husbands. One single lady wrote that she tried to control her family, friends and anyone that comes to her house. When the therapist asked each one in turn, "And how's that working out for you" Each of them had to admit, it wasn't. It was then pointed out that there are many things we cannot control, especially people. Hmmmm.... After each lady finished, C wrote down what wasn't working on a separate piece of paper.

I thought for a moment before writing out my answers. When it came my turn to speak after the other 3.... I realized I had none of the problems that they did. That I felt very healthy in my relationship and my control issues - for the most part. I took a deep breath and prefaced it by saying my response might be somewhat inappropriate, because I did 'go there'. (My therapist and I have had several talks in the past about my D/s relationship with Paladin and she has been very supportive of it.) Soo... two of the ladies know I have a D/s relationship, one recently returned one didn't. Anyways... so my answer was that my relationship with Paladin is totally control based, that I am in control of everything except where he gets to trump me in health and safety. But that this was something that he was seeking too. That it had been negotiated between us with mutual consent. That it was working very well for us and we have little to no problems between us. That I ran a 'benevolent dictatorship". And when there was something else happening that I couldn't control, that he had taught me to 'go with the flow', so now I pray and send Reiki to anything I can't control, and let it go.

After I finished, C then said "That is what is called 'consensual control' where both parties agree to who is in control of what'. There was then a discussion about how both C and another group member didn't like submissive men, they wanted strong men in control. But the other group member stated that she is dominant, but in the next breath then stated that she wanted a strong, take control man, but who would realize she was always right and essentially let her get her way. (head smack) I turned to her and said " So what happens then if you want things your way and as a 'strong man' he wants things HIS way". She said "I don't know....." HUmph.. it hit me later on my way to lunch, she is looking for a unicorn. I know, because I have one! Paladin is not remotely submissive, but he has agreed to my being the one in control. I am the only one on the planet whom he will kneel to.

I like submissive men, but I like my feisty Paladin best. Of the male slaves I know, a few are not submissive, but they (like Paladin) have chosen a special person to give that submission to. Some of the ladies talked about trying to influence their partners by passive aggression.. I laughed and said we called that 'topping from the bottom'. I was happy to note I did NOT get anything written about how it wasn't working. There was not one negative thing to say about my power exchange dynamics with Paladin.

It was a fascinating discussion, and it felt great to speak up about our D/s relationship and how well it was working. And I realized also that when I was a submissive, it was still consensual control, and those years helped because then it was up to me what I agreed to do and that that had helped me also recreate some situations but from my agreement, not from the control, attacks and rapes I had survived while in the military. Where I had to submit to stay alive and keep my position in the Navy. But now, having evolved into a Domme, I am not so concerned with controlling everything, I have been able to let go of a lot and that feels really great. I feel I am making some progress. I still have anxiety attack, nightmares and lots of hypervigilance when Paladin isn't around, but the episodes have subsided substantially at home. Out in the world, when he isn't around.... that's a different story. But.. progress is progress... and I'll take it!

I wonder how many of my friends here have found that having a structured power exchange based relationships have helped them with their control issues too?

Summer Updates

Greetings reader and Friends!

Goodness, I had no idea it had been so long since I last posted!  First off, things with Paladin and I couldn't be better!  We have had a very busy time.  We got the property we wanted in December when Paladin's family was visiting. 8.36 acres where we will build our 'family compound' next year.  
We have had a variety of visitors already this year, and currently we have friends from Germany visiting for 3 weeks.  It does make it harder to do our 'regular' interaction... I miss putting on Paladin's collar each evening, but he still manages to whisper a request to use the restroom when he can.
We are still involved with our local D/s community, but again, having company has put a bit of a squash on going out with them this month.  We have been greatly enjoying the parties at the local Fet Life groups place every month.  It seems we still find more and more things we have in common.  A couple of months ago, I started playing Guild Wars again with pet. We have had many enjoyable times playing side by side. 
Well, this is short since company is expected back soon.
Best to all,
Mystress and Paladin

The Wonders of This Life with Paladin

Greetings Friends and Readers,

I am back from my long trip to Europe.  Actually, I've been back a while now, since mid Sept.  Things have been busy since I got back, and every time I was going to come to write, it didn't seem the right time.   But, it's been long enough for sure.   

Life with Paladin continues to be remarkable.  I am still having problems related to my PTSD, and pet is ever kind, compassionate and supportive in all ways.  We have build up quite the Family of Choice here in TX, and they too are amazing.  

The years since I collared pet have passed, up to 7 now, the last anniversary passing while I was in Europe.  But, we have been making up time.  I loved the travelling, but I missed him a lot.  I missed our rituals and our daily banter.  He had communicated to me while I was travelling his desire to share some plans he had been making while I was gone.

When I returned, it was that he wanted us to begin to move on our plan for purchasing land and starting on our 5 year plan to build a family compound.  So, we looked more intensely at land, and found a great 8.35 acre lot on a street we love we have put an offer on. We are now waiting for the appraisal to be done, and we hope to close before Christmas.  Our plan is to build a smaller home first, move into it, then sell this place and have a bigger home built.  Pet wants a place for his parents to be able to retire to, and I wholeheartedly agree with him.  As I have no family left, and they will be my in-laws in the next year, I am glad to do all I can to help pets parents and brothers.  This will also be a House of Swan family compound.  If pet's parents are around when we have a house party, we'll be telling them we have friends who like to skinny dip in the pool. And hope that keeps them at a distance.  We have no idea how they will take the news of pet's plan.  I expect they will be happy about it. They will also get the formal announcement of our engagement, although pet has already been hinting to his Dad about it.  One of my greatest joys will be being able to contribute to the land, and that as a 100% disabled veteran here in Texas, we won't have to pay property taxes.  And that's a pretty big deal. Annnd, if something happens to me, pet will be able to get that and other benefits - as long as he doesn't remarry.  I would certainly want him to find someone else to be happy with if I am gone, and it would be his decision of course how far to take it.  

It is interesting how our relationship has evolved over the years, and yet, still retains the original framework.  I still delight every time he asks to use the restroom.  Or ways that I like to play with him that make him squirm.  I love it because I can do it, and he has to let me.  He loves it I think, because I am fulfilling his need to have someone top him.  He still snorts like a stallion sometimes.  I got to see the Lippizan stallions while I was in Austria, and got a statue of a rearing one for pet.  He told me he already had a horse statue, but I told him, this was an updated one.  That a Lippizan is one of the most amazing breeds, just like him. Smiles.  So now, he has two stallion statues on his nightstand.  

In June, we added 3 new members to our little family.  A long held deep desire of pet's to have his own pet.  Well, pets... as one is not normally enough for social needs. So, we now have 3 ferret kits.  And they are adorable!  Even more so is when Paladin goes up to play and feed them.   He is normally very quiet and dignified.  But... now he goes up and is crawling around on the floor playing with his 'babies'.   He loves them, they love him.  I love all of them.  I love to joke about pet's pets.    They have added a new layer to our family indeed.  And.. now pet acts like his ferrets sometimes. He giggles like them, and had some of their cute little wiggles.   I was glad to get them before  my trip.  I was gone for 10 weeks and I was thrilled he had them to keep him company.  We still have Pixie and Leo of course, but they are both pretty quiet too, and have their pet door. All they need is Pixie getting her meat at night and their dry food bowls kept filled.  The little ferrets need lots more then that.  He has gotten them off of kibble and onto meat.  He makes them a 'soup' of guts and thigh meat, and then adds bits of chicken neck for them to chew on.  He has to feed them morning and night.  But he is very adorable taking care of them.  I look forward to his family seeing him as he is now with them.   

I have some activist activities which my VA docs and pet are very supportive of.  I also am still writing on my MST blog.  I am getting more involved here in Texas in getting medical cannabis passed.  I have been called upon as a veteran to help bring about change.  I have a feeling that's why we ended up here as well. So I could be a part of using the horrible things that happened to me in the past, to bring about positive change here now.  This means I have to go to Austin, and next month, will be my first trip there for NORML activist training.  The head veteran liaison has in particular asked me to come and testify before the Texas legislators, and I have agreed.

So, that's where things are now. We still participate in local kink activities.  I am still dealing with my PTSD.  Some days are better then others.  I am careful where I go and what I do. I work not to overdue, which is very easy for me.  And I keep a protective barrier around pet and I .  I am sure to always turn to him with a smile and love, even when I am torturing him.    Which comes in all sorts of styles.  He looks forward to us having an 8 acre compound where to have all sorts of kinky fun with our kinky friends and family of choice.

We hope all our fellow bloggers out there are happy and well!
Blessings to all,
Mystress



.  

It's Official

Dear Friends and Readers,

This started on the morning of June 4th.  Pet is very good at asking me out of the blue what I am thinking. He asks because he genuinely wants to know.  And he can tell if I am fudging. It is one of our sacred rules, open and honest communications.  So, when we were heading out to breakfast, and I was thinking of, numerous things, but one thought had just crossed my mind and I was mulling it over when he asked.  I had been thinking of our talks about buying land together in the future.  We had spoken of marriage since moving to Texas, and since my divorce from my past Knight.  So, at the moment Paladin asked me what I was thinking, I was thinking, that a long engagement would be nice. I have some things I need to get in order before I am really ready myself for actual marriage.  But over time, finding a non-kinky term to refer to my relationship with Paladin has been a challenge.  We are not roommates, we have never been 'boy friend/girl friend'. We are partners and significant others in the eyes of the vanillas, but neither of those terms really fit the depth of our relationship because of the D/s aspects, yaknow what I mean?  Owner and slave is so much more then those other 'lables'.  But I had found myself using the term "fiance'" as the closest legal/relationship term.  In fact, when I went to check out the ferrets at a local store, I had used the term fiance' to refer to my expedition on his behalf, and we'd had a conversation where he said that was a fine term to use.  But, we had also had discussions in the past, where he had said he never wanted to get married.  He had never seen himself as married.  

Anyways.. so this special morning, he asks, and I say "I was thinking about a long engagement".  He makes a noise but doesn't reply.  In a few moments we are at the restaurant and seated. Coffee comes, and I order my fave breakfast, eggs Benedict. It arrives and I am thinking about our short conversation in the car.  Not one to let something go when we have started our communicating,  I mention that he didn't say anything after my response.  He says "I already thought we were". I look at him and reply "Hmm, well, you've never actually asked me pet". Without missing a beat he says "Then, will you marry me?" I belive I actually clapped my hands and bounced up and down while saying "yes, yes yes!"  

So today we officially announce, most happily, our engagement.  On the advance of our seven year anniversary.  Whoohooo!!!

Feeling blessed indeed,
Mystress

Of Travelling and Time

Greetings Friends and Readers,

It's been a hectic 3 months.  I was granted my 100% for unemployability from the VA for PTSD due to Military Sexual Trauma.  I have 70% disability for it, but am considered (essentially) too crazy to work.  Yup... afraid that is true.  The insomnia and especially the rage at the military that fights to hang onto it's 'good 'ol boy' way of doing things while young men and women are still being raped and victim shamed.  Errr.. right.. as you can see, that train quickly leaves the station and I'm less likely to use a decent filter then not.
Right... after 35 years of burying it and (not) 'dealing' with it to survive, it seems to erupt like a volcano sometimes. I still go to group every other week.  I am working on dealing with the overwhelming 'emotionality' that sweeps over me sometimes.

Pet... has been as always, fantastically amazing.  March 15 was two years now since we moved from CA to TX and went 24/7.  I thought about that this eve as I was out watering the herb garden and his voice came through the screen window "Mystress, may I use the restroom?"  (smile) "Yes pet".  If our neighbor had been outside, she would have easily heard it.   Don't think pet even thought of that as he called out to me though.  Well.. it is what is isn't it???  Life during these two years have been the most peaceful and happiest of my life.  We are the head of a Kind House and we have developed a wonderful family of choice here.  I am so very very blessed every day, and I am eternally grateful.   We have been asked to host a collaring and wedding in June here, and we are quite honored by that.

Getting the 100% also has given me the money to travel and pet has been totally supportive. So in mid Jan I flew to France,  to see a long lost and recently found beloved childhood friend who lives 90 minutes south of Paris.  It was wonderful to visit him, see his country, home, doggie and horse, and catch up on 45 years.  Then the weekend before I left he took me up to Paris and had to get back to his sick doggie, and left me at the hotel my other dear frien from Austria had gotten in Paris to spend the weekend with me there before I flew back.  Oh, what an adventure!!!  She is a dear, dear friend as well.  The hotel was near the airport so we 'took the train to Paris' (still can't belive I got to do it!) and then took a wonderful bus tour around, and I got to light a candle at Notre Dame for a dear veteran friend who passed while I was there.  I liked Paris much more then I thought I would and I look forward to going back.I have missed both of these friends very much!

 I only knew for about a week before I left that I was going to France.  I was invited by my childhood friend and as I had my passport in preparation for this summers trip to Europe, well.. Paladin said I should go... my therapist said I should go... so I did!!!  Then I was back for Valentines Day with pet and the family, and the next day, I was off to LA to stay with my best friend from elementary school before heading to northern CA to see my beloved step son and hitch a ride with my ex-Mistress back here to TX.  We got back on a Wed night, and pet had to leave for CA on Fri at 4am.  And then he was gone for 10 days.  So now, I am home until July when I go to Europe for 10 weeks.  I have friends to stay with, a volunteer job in Spain for a week, then to see my friend in Austria at her home for the first time since she moved back from China.  And she is German.  

And odd aspect was that I can't begin to say what it felt like to go travelling so spontaneously. I have never had the finances to be able to do such a thing, but with the year and half of back pay, I finally could!  I also got a new car, a 2013 Huyndai Elantra, which is the first new car I've had since a Dodge Colt my second year in the service! It replaced my '98 Corolla which I was able to give to a dear sister friend whose  previous car got squished by Hurricain Ike. And I got a new 27" touchscreen computer, which upgrades from my 8 year old computer.  I've had a growing list of things that needed replacing and this year, turned out to be the one!  And my 12 year old camera also got upgraded.  The new one has this awesome wifi thing on it that when I have an app on my phone synced with it, it will automatically send those pics from the fancyass camera to my phone!  Sooo awesome!  I feel like I've been living in the 90's and am just emerging in to the 2000's.   All along the way Paladin was so useful in helping me do research and evaluating and suggesting.  He has screen envy now.. and I've told him he's welcome to use my 'puter while I'm gone. And he likes my car too. I made sure he liked it and I got it in colors I know he likes too cuz when we go places, he drives and our county here in TX gives disabled veteran like me a free pass on the toll roads, so it makes sense to take my car when we go on them.  Never would have dreamed of that in my poor slightly beat up Corolla though.  But he likes the new silver car.  



Grins.. So, it has been a huge whirlwind since I wrote in Jan, but a wonderful one.  This eve, pet and I puttered together in the garden and we are both very happy with how its come out so far.   We have more plans to upgrade things here over the next 3 years, and then we move up to a bigger piece of land - according to pets 5 year plan.  I love a man with a plan!  And Paladin just gets better as the years role by.  In a few months, it will be 7 years since he was collared.  He is in the midst of a huge roll out of a program for his work that was causing him a lot of stress. Before his trip to see his family, I commanded him that he was NOT allowed to think about work until the weekend that he was coming back.  A few days into his trip, he sent me a txt thanking me for that Command.  (smile)  And on Wed, we had a D/s couple over and they arrived just as he was being reprimanded for tickling me by having to stand still so I could lick his nose.  That made them both break out laughing as pet wiped his wet nose off.  This week will be pretty hectic for him and I'll keep things running smoothly for him while he works hard to give us an ever better life, and he also plots his ever upwards career path.    And so we go on... and life is grand.  I love being 'retired' as my therapist call it. I love having this home with pet and the life we have.  

I bid well wishes to all out there in the blogesphere.  Sorry I've been gone for a few crazy months... but I'm back for a few before I go off again.

That's my catch up for now, got PTSD group at the local Vet Center in the morning so I best run along.  It's not just for me anymore, we get new ladies in, and seeing that haunted look as they open their closet doors... well. being there to welcome then out is a huge part of my therapy.  We had a new lady, Army show up last time. Was only supposed to stay for 15 mins, but she stayed the whole two hours... and cried along with us... I hope she comes back tomorrow.

Anyway.. best to all,
Mystress

The Holidays Come and Go and 2014 Goals and Plans

We have had a very quiet holiday season, and it has been very peaceful.   It wasn't about 'stuff'' just about being together.  Life with Paladin, continues to be joyful!  He is.. amazling fun to live with, as well as being very competent in taking care of all manner of things.  We love all of our times together and still wonder at simple things, like not having to record the Survivor Finale so that we can watch it together.  I've learned that pets favorite thing to eat spur of the moment is Mexican.  He has been busy working on his big military truck that will pull our little home on wheels when we get it.  The travel show that that pet has been waiting for is this coming weekend and he is quite excited - for him.  He had to work last nite so we stayed home and enjoyed just being together.    

I did a 'journal' post on Fet today about my goals and plans for 2014.  I am posting it here too to keep friends here up to date as well.
---

1/1/2014

2014 Is starting out watching the Lord of the Rings Trilogy with pet.. seems appropriate for 2014. A looong story of how the smallest and simplest was able to save the world with the help of a few loyal friends and protectors who believed in Good overcoming evil. -nods- That small group overcame insurmountable odds and grew in size. It gives me hope that change for the better can be wrought if we work at it together. Let us all as a community work togther to foster what is best for all. To be as loving and kind as we can be, to be of service to others and to give benifit of the doubt, and Grace. That is my over arching goal.

The last doc that the VA sent me to at the beginning of Dec for my last eval told me that I needed set goals, and to find a couple of causes to get behind next (now this) year and work actively towards changing something helps me move from survivor to advocate. The things I care about most that I can do something to help change. She asked me what those things would be and I told her. She strongly encouraged me to be as proactive as possible. So, I am following doctors orders, being a good little sailor and here are my goals for 2014.

This is not actualy a goal, but a way of being. To keep Paladin as happy and healthy as possible. To be there for him, as he is for me. To keep him feeling valued and adored as my most prize... Precious. Yes.. he is My Precious.. and I can get golum like in my obsession to be sure that he is at the best he can be, and that I do the best I can for him as he does for me. I adore my one and only Paladin!

The first actual 'goal' that I told the doc I was going to do is to be actively working with other veterans to promote the passage of the Military Justice Improvement Act. I am a survivor of military sexual trauma. I never reported because I knew that the perps were best buddies with both the Chiefs and the Commanders who decided if cases went forward or not. I also saw Commanders overturn a guilty verdict because they were buddies with the guy and felt that the training of e-5 of e-6 was worth more then a measly e-1 or e-2. This Act will take that out of the chain of Command. The military is fighting this tooth and nail. They say they will change it. Well, my attacks happened 76-80 and NOTHING HAS CHANGED. If it were your son, (1 out of 5 males will be sexually attacked in the service) or daughter (1 out of 3) sibling, grandchild, mate, or friend, what sort of justice would you want for THEM? Would YOU want to leave it at the odds of how good of buddys the perp may be with the Commander. Or that Commanders mind set? Or would you want someone impartial (geee, in the civilian world a judge with some connection to someone involved in the the case in't allowed to be on a case, they must recuse themselves) to look at the evidence and make that decision??? A vote comes up in Jan for this. I ask every one of you out there to think of a veteran or service person that you love.. and call your Senator or Representative and tell them you want them to stand behind and pass the Military Justice Improvement Act.

Here is a link to more info about it:
http://www.gillibrand.senate.gov/mjia

This vote comes up THIS MONTH
Click on this to find your representive if you are here in TX:
http://www.fyi.legis.state.tx.us/Home.aspx

The next 'goal' is a bit more controversial, but interestingly enough, the Doc was very much in favor of my doing as much as I could to promote my next cause. Which will be much harder here in TX. And that is to work on changing the laws regarding medical and recreational cannabis here in TX. I have joined the Texas Normal group and plan to do my best as a veteran who has had 6 out of 7 doctors (including VA docs both here and in CA) tell me that cannabis is the best medicine for my PTSD. It was a Marine veteran with PTSD, who stepped up to a counter in Denver at 8am this morning to be the first person in our nation to buy cannabis legally in 70 years. I pray that by 2016, I'll be able to do the same thing here. This doc told me that she had read studies on how much cannabis can help with PTSD, and 'off the record' she encouraged me to pursue its legalization for medicinal purposes.

Here is a link to Texas Norml.
http://texasnorml.org/

For both subjects folks need to step up and do something. Here is the web page again where you can find out who your reps are and get the contact info here in TX.
http://www.fyi.legis.state.tx.us/Home.aspx

The other thing I'll be doing per docs orders is some travelling. what they don't know is I'll be doing it with my ex-Mistress, now dearest Domme friend. We have travelled from CA to Maryland together by car and all up and down the CA coast. I'll be flying out to CA right after Michell from Hell's Valentine party, and then she'll drive me back to TX. That will be my first trip this year.

The next will be our trip to Europe. We are going to be going to the Munro Clan gathering at Castle Foulis, which has been in my family for over 800 years. Over 300 Munros are expected to come. It will last for 3 days. Hikes, pipers, history, Highland Games, Scotch tasting and a formal Scottish dinner and dance on Sun night! My Da used to talk about Foulis.. and the family there. I look forward to meeting Hector, Chief of Clan Munro. I also firmed up on Mon that our trip will start in Amsterdam (per recommendation from my German friends who live 3 hrs from there), where my friends from Germany will meet up with my friend and I and we'll head to Germany for a couple days before catching a train up to Scotland. Then we'll come back down through London, meet up with my German friends again and then we'll spend a few weeks seeing London, Cornwall and Germany with them. We may then be in Spain for a couple of weeks, and then Italy. I want to see a fjord while I am in Europe, and my friends have promised to take me to see one. I have always wanted to see Europe and I look forward to it bunches. It looks to be about 8 weeks of travelling, and I'll miss pet something terribly! But its something he strongly supports as C and I have been planning this trip for two years now, ever since I saw that the Munro's were having this clan gathering this year, and she got her retirement from the state of CA. Two Dommes traipsing around Europe.. so don't be surprised at some groups I might be joining from over the puddle.. that's why. She's already connected up with a couple of subs in some of the areas we'll be travelling.

Oh.. and as an avid reader, I am thrilled that the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon is coming to Starz in 2014. Love the cast they have so far. Keep an eye out for it if you have Starz, it's a great story.. better then Game of Thrones to me. Set in Scotland, and I am going to see if we can go where they are shooting if they are when we are there.

Keeping the House of Swan and its members and friends happy and well as best I can is both first and last on my list. I thank all of them for their help last year, and know I'll need it again this year. And I will be there to help any and all that I can as well.

On a last note, my VA case moved to the 'preperation for decision' phase on the E-Benefits website yesterday, so I expect to have a decision on it in the next week or so. Please send all good thoughts for it to come to pass. Then I can finally get my teeth and jaw that got busted up while I was in the Navy fixed by the VA, it will also give me a great sense of justice that they will compensate me as best they can for that which there is no compensation enough for.

I wish all friend and family a wonderful New Year and a most Excellent 2014, the year of the Horse shall rock!
Mytress Swan

Texas Renaissance Faire Bondage Camp 2013

Was AWESOME!  Some 11 members of the House of Swan all camped together.  I have a pic of the House Flag that I'll upload tomorrow and add.  The last number was 121 kinky campers for the weekend.  And it was great fun!  Our campsite had only 1 Dom and the rest was Dommes and male subs.  Mmmm...that made it extra special.  One of  our kinkster friends invited us over to come see his place when he got it set up. He set up 6 easy ups, covered them with a 50x50 tarp, put a ground tarp, carpet padding and then carpeting down, taped it all together with a couple of heaters and an X cross centrally set up. It was awesome!  A large contingent from our camp went to watch some great scenes, including one from our own group, a Domme with her male sub. Yummy!  But then someone started smoking inside, and then two others, and then we left.   There was a extensive out side play area, and we could see the spin of the fire floggers across the dark from our camp site, nestled in a nice corner on the outskirts of the camp.  I didn't want to be any where near the middle of that craziness.  Let me go visit it, then go back to my peaceful corner and watch the herds of 'nilla's walking by.  On Sat nite, someone got a great Celt band to come down and play.  Add in the fire flogging.. oh my gosh. that was pretty amazing. Just imagine fire flogging to Celtic drums and bagpipes.  That and Lady A's amazing hot buttered rum and we were all in heaven.  Truly some amazing scenes, even if it was chilly.

I HAD planned to tie pet up between a couple of tree, but the temperature got down to 42 degree and I just wasn't up to it. Dang it.  Even got a great new green and black flogger from Faire. It was Pirates weekend by the way, which made it all the wilder and crazier!  But oh it was sooo fun!   We had some camp visitors who didn't spend the night, but came up for a visit. Could hear the sounds of spankings and orgasms throughout our area, which WAS set up as an adults only area.  No one under 21 was allowed to camp in our area, and the boundaries were strongly enforced, which was also great.   And it was also Paladin's very first Ren Faire, and it was fun to watch his head swiveling trying to keep up with all the bouncing boobies.  He had to have a costume and I think in the end, he was glad of it. It was a simple one, and mine was a simple Scottish lass.  All of our company except sub j was in costume and he was Commanded to get one by next year.  The House of Swan had a marvy time at bondage camp.  All in all it was a great adventure and we look forward to a bigger and better bondage camp in 2014!

Paladin has decided this is our last season of tent camping though.  Turns out we both grew up camping and love it.  But tent camping is a lot of work.  So, we're going to be getting a small travel trailer for camping in, then the cold won't matter.  Nor will the humid day heat up by the lake.  We have spent several weekends over the past few months going and looking at trailers.  We got a really good idea of what we want.  He has to finish working on his big green army truck to haul it around though.  In two weeks we go camping again for Thanksgiving, and I'm really hoping that the weather will be not too cold.  They do have power and we do have our heater and electric blanket....its that walk to the bathroom at 2 am that gets me. Brrrrrrrrr!  So next spring, like beginning of March, we go trailer hunting! WEEeeee!

On another front, folks that read my other blog will know that I have my Compensation and Pension evaluation from the VA coming up on Dec 4. (Thank you for your ever sweet comments there too dearest Swan!!!)  I was told to file last year by my Vet Center and VA doctors and so I did - last August.  There is much anxiety connected to this as it will decide if I can get on with life, that the VA will fix the teeth that those asshats in the Navy busted all those years ago, or if I will have to file an appeal and continue to fight them for what's right.  I'm praying that this is it.  Its very hard to try and get past anything when one is in pain from what was done and you can't get it fixed. Paladin keeps telling me that financially it doesn't matter, that he will always take care of me. And I know that.. but.. I want to be able to help much more then I can, and the 100% will more the double my current disability payments.  I want to be able to spoil him like he spoils me.  I don't want to have to keep putting thousands of dollars into dental work for what the VA should fix!  For my birthday, I got a crown.  For my tooth.  I paid for the $900 root canal, and darling pet paid for the $700 crown. Dang..  It just irks me that the VA gets out of paying that when by all rights they should have.  But I can't get re-reimbursed  for it. Grrrrrr.   Anyways..so waiting for that date has me all antsy now, I'll just be so glad when it finally all over!

 Paladin as always, has been amazingly wonderful.  He was on a work trip to CA and came back last Sun sick as a dog and got me not quite AS sick, but enough to cancel everything this week in hope of being better for the great play party scheduled for Sat.  Its been sad since he's been so sick. I can't play with him at all.  He's coughing like crazy and going to bed early as he's too busy at work to be able to take any time off.  I do hope that Thanksgiving will be a time when he can really relax and unwind.  But.. his work is picking up... he is in charge of a new system throughout the corporation and business and he may have to do some more travelling to do training's on the new system.  I miss him like heck when he's gone, but he is good about wearing his M on his thigh and sending me yummy pics of it. And he stays in close contact while travelling.  We have friend near by who keep me company and check in on me, so I feel pretty safe although I sure miss his yummyness.

Looks like Paladin's family won't be coming out for a visit this year, and I don't have anyone either. But we have our wonderful local family we have now.  I am really hoping for a Christmas Miracle and getting my 100% right before Christmas.  It could happen!  

I wish everyone out there the best as we head into the Holiday season.  And I celebrate another year of joy with my amazing Paladin!!!

Mystress

Time Flies and We take on a New Hobby

South Padre Island, TX

Greetings Readers and Friends,

Yes, time certainly does fly by.  We had visitors from Germany for a couple of weeks, and I got to go on a wonderful trip with them to S. Padre Island (if you want some beautiful Texas coastal water to swim in, this is the place!  The La Quinta was a awesome hotel and right on the beach - literally. Walk out past the pool and your in the ocean.  It was sooo amazing.)  Our friend D loves to swim in the ocean like I do, and we spent all Tue from right after breakfast till about 5pm swimming in wonderfully beautiful water. I was sorry that Paladin couldn't get out of work to come with us.  We also then went up to San Antonio and enjoyed the beautiful River Walk and the tour of the Alamo.   It was nice to see more of my new state, and find some places to take Paladin to when he can get away.

San Antonio River Walk

Life with Paladin continues to be awesome.  Sometimes I stand at the top or foot of the stairs and simply marvel at my life here with him.  I have never lived so compatibly with anyone - ever.  So many times we say the same thing at the same time.  Arguments are almost nil, and not because I get to trump everything.    Frankly, I can't remember anything we have needed to argue about.  I'd say we go along with the same mindset about 98% of the time.  

We have taken up a new hobby that I had started in Calif, but had not pursued since moving.  We got re-inspired by our visiting friends, as they practice their hobby all over the world, and that is Geocaching.  Thur on our way to a local munch, we planted our first cache ourselves, and were delighted tonight to see it got published.  And then, on Fri, on our way to dinner, Paladin asked if there were any cache's in the area.  Sure enough, there looked to be an easy one right around the corner from the restaurant, and so off we went after dinner.  It was a lot of fun, and it's had us giggling like kids.  Here are a couple of graphics I came across today that  I liked a lot:

Since we both consider ourselves geeks, this 'sport' fits us perfectly.  We both love getting out in nature a lot and this adds a great new dimension to it.  I went on several cache hunts with our friends while they were here, and got introduced to some nice parks that are not too far away I didn't even know existed before they came.  Now there are 3 really wonderful ones for us to go to, some with lots of forest and trails to wander around in.  It's nice to know that if I don't want to go too far in after something I can send pet in to do it.

Lets see.. what else.. oh yes.. next weekend is our local Fetlife groups party. Its gonna be a tailgate party theme, and everyone is supposed to come in some sort of team or favorite sports attire.  Paladin is going as what he was, a Rugby player.  Got him some running shorts because all the rugby ones in his size were sold out, and a great rugby T Shirt.  He's griping about how short the shorts are, and Oh My... they are.  YUMMMY!  I find there is so little beefcake at the party most of the time.  I mean the half naked girl subs are cute, but most of the guy subs tend to be kinda thin and very scarce.  I've had more then one lady, including subs, ask me to play Paladin just so they can see him.  Cuz like YEAH, he's pretty hot.  He's a big man.. muscular and I'm tellin' ya ladies, we American's have really missed out on the whole Rugby thigh phenomenon. He normally wears jeans or khaki's to parties. But this is still summer here, and he's gonna be in the short short shorts.  His T-shirt is almost longer.  I'm going as a Dommy referee and going to put some yellow penalty cloth on one of my crops as well as having some penalty flags to throw around.   Should be a blast.  It's been several months since we've been to one and we are looking forward to it bunches.

On other fronts, I am still waiting for the VA to decide on my unemployability.  Last month was a year since I filed for it.  I have been getting great health benefits from the VA though and feel very fortunate.  I went for 12 years with no health care at all, and feel profoundly grateful for it now.  We're getting a new VA in our little town (turns out there is a huge population of veterans settled here) so I'll have to drive less then 2 miles as opposed to the 35 I do now.  Weeeee! And it opens next month. I just hope my new docs there will be good ones.  I like my Gen Phy, she's okay, but I really don't like the 'pod person' shrink. She's a twit.  She tries to be nice, but I can't get past her telling me she didn't need to read my file or talk to me, I just needed to take the drugs. UHGGGH!

On another happy note, pet and I are also looking for a little travel trailer.  We both love camping, but have come to the realization that we're past 'tenting' it now.  We'd like something that we can be warm in at night, and cool in during the summer.  We think we'll go out a lot more if we can just pull up on a Fri nite and be ready for dinner and a campfire. And then just pull up and drive off on Sun morning. He's been working on getting his recycled army truck ready to roll by early next year, it's gonna be really great once he gets it done.

Something I have noted in our new life here is that\it's been fun and amazing to learn how much more past the kink that we have in common!  

Gosh it's late and I better get to bed. 
I wish all well out there!
Mystress

Six Years..

So,  this past Sat was six years since I collared Paladin. 

It was on a Fri night... 

He had answered my ad and we had written back and forth, and then spent a weekend chatting for hours on yahoo. We met in person the next Wed. I knew the moment that he walked in, that he was all he had seemed to be online. He had come from work at the corporate office and so was dressed in slacks, blue shirt and blue tie. Drool worthy. I mean.. really. I had never been with anyone younger then myself since high school. Yet his seriousness made him seem years older then was. It was a amazing meeting that has led to an amazing life with him.

Here is what he wrote about our meeting:
First Meeting

And his
Collaring:

We were very happy we get to spend the with good friends and family! Pet's bday is on was on Mon, so  he got his bday spankings at the party on Sat. 0.0 He said 'but, it's not my birthday Mystress'. Humph... Seemed appropriate to ME anyways.  The ladies enjoyed the lovely beefcake that is pets rugby ass.  Yummm!   A great cake was gotten for us, and also for the birthday guests, of which there were two.

Next week our friends from Germany arrive for a couple of weeks... we'll miss the come back party we had been looking for, but  we did have a good time Sat night with friends on their X cross.  And pets new restraints that have bars to hold on to work really well.  The other two subs that went up on the cross used them also and really liked them. :-)  

Best to all,
Mystress

Spite Trolls

Good evening to all our friends. Its been ages since we posted and for very good reasons :) Living 24/7 together is amazing and we get so distracted so fast with one another, a month can pass in a blink of an eye. Those that have the same situation as us must surely agree that we are a fortunate bunch. We hope and pray that all our friends and guests looking for something similar find what they so desire for its truly a blessing to live it.

So my Mystress filled you guys in on our little Spite Troll...what a fucktard. Why would you randomly visit a site and feel that because you don't agree with a post, you get to spew hate and malice....well Mr or Miss Brazil...go jump off a bridge. We don't judge others and don't expect to be judged in return. If your looking for attention go someplace else and be the internet tough guy you seem to want to be. Thankfully this has been our first truly negative comment and we have decided to let it be water off our backs. Thanks to our friends who agreed with us ad concurring that this ass munch is doing it purely for attention..well your 5 minutes are over and on we move.....

Its Memorial weekend and thanks to our service men and woman for your service. We will remember all your sacrifices and honor your service. Along with our gratitude comes a wonderfully busy weekend...gala dinners, BBQ's shooting and if we can cram it in..some lazy time and relaxation :) Mystress is so so right in that we are way more busy here in TX than in CA. Why...we aren't really sure...likely its the open welcome all our new friends have extended. We happily accept the invitations and shall stay the busy happy couple :)

Well friends...it was good to write again..i am sure we will be paying more attention to our blog :) We apologize for our absence but its for a very good reason :) Thanks again for all the great comments and be well and happy to all.

Paladin

Sorry, I'm not Dead...

And life is most excellent.  

Late last night I deleted a nasty gram comment here from someone who said called me nasty names and said they hoped I was dead.   Sorry to disappoint you but, nope, not even close.  You can blame it on Paladin.  He made me promise not to commit suicide and I won't. :-)  

I hadn't realized how much time had passed since we last posted here.  Seems living the perfect life together is even better then we thought.  How awful aye nasty A?   We have been pretty busy with company and life. 

 It is interesting that I hadn't come here in a while, popped in early last night thinking I needed to come do a post, and then when the pain in my jaw wakes me up in the middle of the night and I check my email, and there is the nasty gram.   Really? WTF prompted that spewing of meanness?   I forward it to Paladin this morning and he says "What an ass thing to do. That's someone just being a fucktard." And he's exactly right.  Especially anonymous.  I am sorry for whoever is feeling so bad about themselves that they have to come vomit on a blog that's been quiet for the past few months.  

 Sooo.. to catch up.  The divorce from my ex was final at the end of Jan.  He and his girlfriend came for a two week visit in Feb and we had a party in their honor that was awesome.  We have our very own X cross and spanking bench in our upstairs 'medieval' room. It was a blast.  We have a House on Fet now, which allows us to invite our fave and most trusted friends over to party and play. We've been to a wonderful kinky camping trip with bunches of other folks running nekkid and half dressed everywhere.  My best friend from elementary school came to visit for 5 days, and we had a blast together.  She had not had the chance to meet Paladin before, but she likes him and says she so glad to see me living so well.  It was the very first time in ages that I hoped whoever I was with wouldn't embarrass me by being an asshat in front of her.  Paladin is never ever an asshat. And good for him, and I!

I have been doing posting on my other blog as the VA has had me busy with my MST group and psyc.  We did a showing of THE INVISIBLE WAR  at the Vet Center and I was the guest speaker. It was one of the hardest things I've done, but I was soooo blessed in that I had the most support there. I had five folks who love me come out and sit through it.  One of them, dearest sweet D was hit particularly hard by it.  She knew it was going to be a difficult movie to see, but she was not prepared for some of the brutality of MST and how victims are treated afterwards if they come forward.  I was touched beyond words that my family of choice all turned out to see the movie and support me as speaker.   

From that showing, I made an awesome new veteran friend and she is guiding me to be an advocate to help other veterans in our boat.  I am still waiting for the decision on my unemployability.  My teeth are really messed up and one of my biggest triggers.  Since I lost most of the teeth on the left side of my mouth, my teeth have shifted that way and now I have (whats to me) a huge ugly gap between my teeth that's only getting worse. My new veteran friend says not to worry too much as the VA will fix it all when I get the 100%.  I sure hope so.   And before more teeth fall out.  

 I also got an awesome civilian therapist who has helped me bunches.  I can make appts with her via the internet and I can't begin to say how great she is.  She is also kink friendly and we have talked about my journey from sub to Domme.  Yes, I can see why being a Domme makes me more comfortable, but I also see what I was re-creating for myself as a sub, but in a safe and consensual environment, which actually helped me deal with my MST past. 

I lost my really great psyc at the VA, she was a very proactive to try and help me get as many things done as the VA could to help make up for the terrible things that happend... she  got replaced by a pod person... who is trying not to be one quite so much, but whom I don't trust.  They didn't tell me Dr. H was being replaced and the day I went for my apt and this other person was there.. I just sat and cried for the whole half hour I was there.  The doc changed up my meds and said she didn't need to hear my story, I just needed to take the pills.  *nods* Pod person indeed. Losing her did inspire me to hunt out a civilian therapist who the VA couldn't control.  Found her via Give an Hour a organization of professionals who donate time to veterans.  Awesome!  Found two lady therapists in my area, and picked the one closest that I liked on first meeting.  Been such a huge relief to be able to see here when I need to. 

What else.... Paladin will be posting later this evening... I've told him to a few times and he's forgotten.  He best do it tonight or else..  I mean really.  :-)

I am using time today to catch up on the blogs we are linked to.  I have been very busy with two other causes near and dear to my heart, but this Blog... still has meaning too.  It is different living with Paladin full time far away from our families.  We are certainly busier socially here then we ever ever work in CA. Whew.. we have to turn down things to have some time alone to recoup.

Tomorrow we are going shooting together, then a gala hosted by one of the local Fet groups.  Mon we go spend Memorial Day with our new veteran friend for bbq and swim.

And on that note, pet is home early for the holiday... weeeee!

Best to all,
Mystress

   . 

An Anniversay Reflection

This is my FetLife journal Entry for today.

 

I started this journal out as a noting of our new life together in Texas. So it seems highly appropriate to do a entry reflecting back on our time here to date.

I first learned about FetLife from a sub friend in mid Dec of 2011. When she found out I was moving here, she immediately said I had to join here to get to know folks where I was going. I was totally clueless. I didn't really use social media. In Dec of 2011, there was the one Happy Birthday post on my Facebook page when that same friend left a post for that year. She noted I didn't post to Facebook. My cousins and friends, on my good-by tour made me promise to use it to keep in touch, and so I have. And I've used Fet to make new friends and family.

Last year at this very time, Paladin and I were here on a short house hunting expedition. We had only a few days to find the as close to perfect home as we could. It had only been a couple of weeks since both our worlds had turned upside down and we were faced with a sudden relocation from our separate homes, to together here. First the recommendation for my VA treatment and then two days later, his work's relocation both turned out to be based just north of Houston. What are the odds??? So we left behind all our family and friends on our adventure into this new life together.

I am sitting in the house that was our fave on the internet first time we saw it in mid Dec. We loved it both on the net and in person way above any other, and made a (obviously successful) bid on it before we left. And oh my gosh, there were some real misrepresentations going on with some of those internet house pictures. And we love our house, we really really do! And we've loved sharing it with our friends and family!

So much has happened in our lives since that trip. And it's all gone pretty much according to plan. Well, except for kitty Leo making an escape that first morning of the drive out and we got delayed chasing him through neighbors yards for an hour. But we got him safely back in his cage. God bless my dear Lady Dawn, who agreed to ride with me from CA to TX... with a cat in the back seat that she was quite allergic too. She ate allergy pills all the way. She is coming for a visit at the end of Feb through mid March. Yummy!

Other then that... every thing has been amazingly perfect. Paladin has a strength in making long term goals and plans - and then making them come about. I know I am well blessed to have a man such as he in my life. All my Lady friends in Sac adored him. In fact, I don't think I've met one person who doesn't like my Paladin. And more then one likes to drool a bit sometimes. Including me. Love them rugby thighs!

Back in California (no longer home) We had several sub and Domme friends and participated in the Sacramento Domme group, it was a much smaller group then SAF. Perhaps total about 20 Dommes and subs. There was only one small room that was the 'dungeon,' and we never got a chance to play in it because of A) the long lines. B) We tended to be much more private.
But they did have some fun parties and demos there too.

On the 31st of this month, my divorce from my soon to be ex will be final. (Thanks to all the helped out in my legal thread, that pointed me to where to git er done!) I got the signed papers back last week. Whoot whoot! And then, on the 6th of Feb, he and his sub fly in to visit for two weeks. This visit is both to give them a bit of a vacation and as thanks to them for cleaning out the duplex we lived in after I had my breakdown and couldn't manage to do it myself. Bless their hearts, they got it packed and emptied and cleaned. And we all know what a lot of work that can be. Meanwhile, I had been ensconced at Paladins and in some pretty intense therapy and being told to avoid stress. Paladin was quite avid about my not being stressed either. He was in full protector mode. So they really, really stepped up and took care of it all and we both deeply appreciate it. Funny, it was my ex Master M who helped Paladin move my stuff from my duplex to Paladin's house in his truck. Since Paladin lived only 6 miles from me at the time of the move it was easy to move my stuff from my place to his as his work was paying to have all of Paladin's belongings moved to TX. I mean.. seriously.. can it get any more convenient????.

And Life with Paladin... is .. idyllic. He is really very easy going and a lot of fun to live with. We kept our days to some degree of my Mon's and Tue's when we specifically do whatever I want, and his online computer nights of Tue and Thur when he plays his online games with his friends back in California. Paladin likes schedules routine and so do I. My ex God bless him.. is highly .. eccentric. Much like Eisenstein, brilliant but little common sense sometimes, and less then none financially. And he is perpetually late. And loses things.. gets locked out of places and runs out of gas. On and on.. absent minded has his pic next to it. Paladin on the other hand, is both logical and spiritual and well grounded. It was he who rescued my ex from many foibles over the years. We were an interesting triad. But now.. things have evolved as it feels they should for all of I. We are all still good friends and I'm glad of it. My ex says he always meant to give me to Paladin... he just didn't know when. But it was certainly the right time when it came.

Paladin and I have both loved Texas since that first visit here, and only more so since then. Everyone has been sooo wonderful and welcoming to us. There were many things we didn't get a chance to do last year as we were just settling in that we hope to do this year.

This is also a thank you to all the wonderful friends and family we now have here! We expect 2013 to be the best ever!

Everything about this move, this place and life with Paladin is just simply amazing!!

Best to all out there!

Mystress

In My Awesome Absence

Good Evening All....

Yes its me...no i haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Its been sometime since my last post mainly because i have been distracted by the lovely wonderful fantastic 24/7 life with my dear Mystress.

Its been a year almost to the date since the first time we came and saw our new home. 365 days of pure bliss and magical times. From the journey out here to the picking furniture to the waking up each morning with Mystress...pure wonder i must say.

Last night we went to a party at our new group of friends  Mystress even stretched her Mystress bones slapping me up on the chains, stripping me down, and using every one of her floggers, crops, whips, and even fake flowers to flog me into sub space. Its so wonderful to go to sub space with Mystress. Her style isn't like the others. She prefers not to beat her slaves into sub space but to rather, through blindfolded sense, tease and overload ones senses until there is no choice other than to enter sub space. Once there, Mystress keeps the riding going alternating toys and feelings. From hard and thudy, to light and stingy. All the toys serving a purpose. To remind one who is boss, to keep one in space, and to enjoy the ride with ones Mystress. Trusting her explicitly while so exposed and vulnerable is now second nature to me now. I am sure this wont be the last time Mystress chooses to exhibit her loving slave.

We now end our January and await the next set of visitors. Mystress's old Knight and his sub come in February and a fellow Lady of the house comes after that. We shall have a full and busy house but we look forward to sharing our new home with all our guests. We plan to do a bunch of vanilla stuff but Mystress is also putting together a very interesting party to treat our guests too. We hope they shall enjoy the show we have planned.

With all my love.

Paladin

Changing Mantra

Greetings all,

Many know that Paladin has had a mantra since I've had him.  But I don't think that I posted about when we relocated, Paladin gave me a mantra as well to help with my readjustment to life here.  He did it because he is dedicated to looking after me, especially  my mental well being.

And it goes "Mystress is Number One and lives in a Crazy Free Zone" He will normally ask for my mantra when he knows I am feeling overwhelmed or something has triggered me as a means of grounding me and making me remember how safe I am now and what a wonderful life we have together now. 

If I'm not doing too great, I tend to dodge the answers as first.  The way it plays out is that Paladin will say "Mystress is what?"  If I'm doing well, I can say "Number One" right off.  Other times, I may slide sideways and say something like "Pet's Owner'  and he'll smile and repeat the question.  And then I may say "In love with Pet". Sometimes I'll come right out and say "Not doing well" or "a mess".  He is nothing if not persistent gently holding me and repeating the question until I answer "Number One".  Then he'll ask "And lives in a ?"  Again, my answer will depend on my mood.  If I'm off, I'll dodge that too.  Worst answer in my own mind is "A world of nightmares" or "Really fucked up".  Best is "In a Crazy Free Zone".    

About a week ago, when I was stressing over some Christmas details in regards to the family visit he decided to add something else to my mantra.  And that is something that I have honestly never even thought to have as an aspect of my life.  And that is "Carefree". I mean seriously, how many folks do incorporate that as an aspect of their life??  Carefree.  Really pet?  I know what it means, but I decided to go and look it up for the official definition.
  
care·free    
 Adjective
Free from anxiety or responsibility.

Synonyms

careless - happy-go-lucky - light-hearted - jaunty

Jaunty huh?  Don't know about that one, but I sure like the light-hearted part, as well as the 'free from anxiety or responsibility'.  Seeing as I have always been the responsible one.. to let go in that regards and let Paladin be the responsible one is something new to adjust to.  My ex, God love him, was sooo flightly that coming out of 12 years with him still as sane as I am was a miracle.  Which is why of course Paladin in his brilliantness has chosen the very words that he has.  He was there, he KNOWS what it was like. Especially the last 5 years.  >insert eye roll here< 

 So my new mantra in it's entirety now is: "Mystress is Number One and lives in a Crazy and Care Free Zone".  It's taken some adjusting to I have to say.  And I am still marveling at Paladin's choice in building my mantra for me for my well being.  Carefree.... Wow.. Funny that I have to work at it.  We've been here for almost 9 months, and it still seems like an amazing dream.   But its not. It's wonderfully real!  Each day, is better then the next.  This new life,  living full time with my amazing Paladin is better then I might even have thought to dream of.  

On another fun sort of note, we went to my Vet Center's Christmas party last nite, and several of the other ladies from my MST group where there.  Two of them in particular had their eyes light up when they saw Paladin, who sat with his arm around me, rubbing my shoulder and arm lightly.  He could tell the energy in the room had me a bit stressed and he was doing his best to comfort me.  There was one very uncomfortable moment with a male veteran trying to find out what "war" I'd been in, and when I said "The Invisible War" he said it didn't exist.  Wrong monkey fucker! (to use a term I heard Paladin call his friends last nite) I was there, I was wounded and almost killed in it. Your just either ignorant or one of 'them'.  In fact, the documentary is now on the Oscar's short list!


http://invisiblewarmovie.com

 Anyways.. back to the fun parts. The two ladies were mouthing to me how cute he is, and how affectionate.  Made me grin inside and outside.  Oh whoo wee.. if they had any inkling of the truth.  Like how I'd just had him cleaning the kitchen naked in spite of some mild grumbling the other day.   My counselor was there too, and it was obvious she was quite impressed with him as well. When they shook hands she acted lightly like his obvious strength had crushed her hand and he rapidly apologized, to which she laughed and said she was joking. But I patted him on his wide and muscular chest and said "It's that rugby Captain thing" to which she nodded and appreciated Paladin's pure hunkiness quite openly.  In group, I call him my Hero.. as he is.  And it was nice to see that the ladies in my group can see how wonderful and sweet he is. And as we all know here.. that's just the tip of his considerable ice burg. *winks*

So, with that. I'm off to go do some more Christmas arts and crafts. I am enjoying putting together my own wreath and making gold and silver pine cone decorations from the cones we collected during our Thanksgiving camping trip. 

I hope all are having a nice holiday season,
Mystress