Still Here and Going Strong!

Greetings friends and readers, 

In April we finally moved onto our 8.36 acres in the Sam Houston Forest. And we LOVE it! Things have been exceedingly busy for both of us. Pet got promoted and is now a supervisor, which he is not a fan of. He has also had to do more travelling, also which he is not a fan of.  

Things for us have continued to progress most wonderfully. This past July was both our 1st wedding anniversary, and 10 years since I collared Paladin.  We have not been very busy in the kink community as we have both has other things going on, and that's fine with us. We have plenty in our day to day lives. There are also some shady characters in our local community we would rather not be around.   We both love our new rural life and living in the forest. We have added a couple of large puppies to our family, and they have grown quickly. 

The years roll by, and things seem to just get better and better.  So not a lot to share, except we are still here and well and exceedingly happy.

Wishing the best to all,
Mystress

Wow, over a year of more wonderfulness!

Greetings Friends and Readers... at least those that haven't given up on us. We are still out here! I am amazed to think it has been over a year since I last posted.  My heartfelt apologies.. wow. Guess 'real' life has taken over. 

We did get married on July 30, 2016! It was a very small family wedding. Pet's parents and brother and sig other, and our House of Swan Family.. well, part of them. It was 20 all together. At our home.. with catered BBQ. The peach cobbler was fantastic. As was our tasty cake, red velvet with raspberry filling and fudge frosting. OH me gosh! And pet looked so very handsome..  It was 9 years and 3 days after I had collared him that we wed. 

Things with us are better then every. We went through the process of getting a loan to get our house built on our 8.36 acres, where we can literally swing from the trees! They just started building this past Mon, and on Fri we go up to see progress and plan for the well and septic, garage and shop and green house, bard and riding arena. 

Tonight we go to our local Fet Life munch where we will see many dear friends. It's been a couple of months since we have been, and we both like seeing our friends.  

I have been going to the local adult lunch munch held on Wed's in our area with my Wed lunch friend and we have been enjoying it very much.  In fact, met another rugby player there, very charming chap! I came to send him the link to the Rugby Thighs post I did, and low and behold, found I'd not done a post in over a year. I woulda sworn it had been only been about 7 months or so.  

So here is a quick update, and I will write more soon. I have some lovely new toys I want to post and show here. Flora and Fauna....

Best to all!
Mystress

Consensual Control = Relationship Win!

Sooo, yesterday in my PTSD group at the Vet Center, our therapist "C" handed out a group assignment having to do with control issues. They were short essay questions. As she explained, PTSD most often leaves survivors with an intense need to control people and situations. The first question asked, "Who do you try to control and why?" (or something close to that). It went on to ask how people felt about your controlling them, and how did it work out for you?

The other 3 ladies went first. They spoke about their efforts to control their kids and/or husbands. One single lady wrote that she tried to control her family, friends and anyone that comes to her house. When the therapist asked each one in turn, "And how's that working out for you" Each of them had to admit, it wasn't. It was then pointed out that there are many things we cannot control, especially people. Hmmmm.... After each lady finished, C wrote down what wasn't working on a separate piece of paper.

I thought for a moment before writing out my answers. When it came my turn to speak after the other 3.... I realized I had none of the problems that they did. That I felt very healthy in my relationship and my control issues - for the most part. I took a deep breath and prefaced it by saying my response might be somewhat inappropriate, because I did 'go there'. (My therapist and I have had several talks in the past about my D/s relationship with Paladin and she has been very supportive of it.) Soo... two of the ladies know I have a D/s relationship, one recently returned one didn't. Anyways... so my answer was that my relationship with Paladin is totally control based, that I am in control of everything except where he gets to trump me in health and safety. But that this was something that he was seeking too. That it had been negotiated between us with mutual consent. That it was working very well for us and we have little to no problems between us. That I ran a 'benevolent dictatorship". And when there was something else happening that I couldn't control, that he had taught me to 'go with the flow', so now I pray and send Reiki to anything I can't control, and let it go.

After I finished, C then said "That is what is called 'consensual control' where both parties agree to who is in control of what'. There was then a discussion about how both C and another group member didn't like submissive men, they wanted strong men in control. But the other group member stated that she is dominant, but in the next breath then stated that she wanted a strong, take control man, but who would realize she was always right and essentially let her get her way. (head smack) I turned to her and said " So what happens then if you want things your way and as a 'strong man' he wants things HIS way". She said "I don't know....." HUmph.. it hit me later on my way to lunch, she is looking for a unicorn. I know, because I have one! Paladin is not remotely submissive, but he has agreed to my being the one in control. I am the only one on the planet whom he will kneel to.

I like submissive men, but I like my feisty Paladin best. Of the male slaves I know, a few are not submissive, but they (like Paladin) have chosen a special person to give that submission to. Some of the ladies talked about trying to influence their partners by passive aggression.. I laughed and said we called that 'topping from the bottom'. I was happy to note I did NOT get anything written about how it wasn't working. There was not one negative thing to say about my power exchange dynamics with Paladin.

It was a fascinating discussion, and it felt great to speak up about our D/s relationship and how well it was working. And I realized also that when I was a submissive, it was still consensual control, and those years helped because then it was up to me what I agreed to do and that that had helped me also recreate some situations but from my agreement, not from the control, attacks and rapes I had survived while in the military. Where I had to submit to stay alive and keep my position in the Navy. But now, having evolved into a Domme, I am not so concerned with controlling everything, I have been able to let go of a lot and that feels really great. I feel I am making some progress. I still have anxiety attack, nightmares and lots of hypervigilance when Paladin isn't around, but the episodes have subsided substantially at home. Out in the world, when he isn't around.... that's a different story. But.. progress is progress... and I'll take it!

I wonder how many of my friends here have found that having a structured power exchange based relationships have helped them with their control issues too?

Summer Updates

Greetings reader and Friends!

Goodness, I had no idea it had been so long since I last posted!  First off, things with Paladin and I couldn't be better!  We have had a very busy time.  We got the property we wanted in December when Paladin's family was visiting. 8.36 acres where we will build our 'family compound' next year.  
We have had a variety of visitors already this year, and currently we have friends from Germany visiting for 3 weeks.  It does make it harder to do our 'regular' interaction... I miss putting on Paladin's collar each evening, but he still manages to whisper a request to use the restroom when he can.
We are still involved with our local D/s community, but again, having company has put a bit of a squash on going out with them this month.  We have been greatly enjoying the parties at the local Fet Life groups place every month.  It seems we still find more and more things we have in common.  A couple of months ago, I started playing Guild Wars again with pet. We have had many enjoyable times playing side by side. 
Well, this is short since company is expected back soon.
Best to all,
Mystress and Paladin

The Wonders of This Life with Paladin

Greetings Friends and Readers,

I am back from my long trip to Europe.  Actually, I've been back a while now, since mid Sept.  Things have been busy since I got back, and every time I was going to come to write, it didn't seem the right time.   But, it's been long enough for sure.   

Life with Paladin continues to be remarkable.  I am still having problems related to my PTSD, and pet is ever kind, compassionate and supportive in all ways.  We have build up quite the Family of Choice here in TX, and they too are amazing.  

The years since I collared pet have passed, up to 7 now, the last anniversary passing while I was in Europe.  But, we have been making up time.  I loved the travelling, but I missed him a lot.  I missed our rituals and our daily banter.  He had communicated to me while I was travelling his desire to share some plans he had been making while I was gone.

When I returned, it was that he wanted us to begin to move on our plan for purchasing land and starting on our 5 year plan to build a family compound.  So, we looked more intensely at land, and found a great 8.35 acre lot on a street we love we have put an offer on. We are now waiting for the appraisal to be done, and we hope to close before Christmas.  Our plan is to build a smaller home first, move into it, then sell this place and have a bigger home built.  Pet wants a place for his parents to be able to retire to, and I wholeheartedly agree with him.  As I have no family left, and they will be my in-laws in the next year, I am glad to do all I can to help pets parents and brothers.  This will also be a House of Swan family compound.  If pet's parents are around when we have a house party, we'll be telling them we have friends who like to skinny dip in the pool. And hope that keeps them at a distance.  We have no idea how they will take the news of pet's plan.  I expect they will be happy about it. They will also get the formal announcement of our engagement, although pet has already been hinting to his Dad about it.  One of my greatest joys will be being able to contribute to the land, and that as a 100% disabled veteran here in Texas, we won't have to pay property taxes.  And that's a pretty big deal. Annnd, if something happens to me, pet will be able to get that and other benefits - as long as he doesn't remarry.  I would certainly want him to find someone else to be happy with if I am gone, and it would be his decision of course how far to take it.  

It is interesting how our relationship has evolved over the years, and yet, still retains the original framework.  I still delight every time he asks to use the restroom.  Or ways that I like to play with him that make him squirm.  I love it because I can do it, and he has to let me.  He loves it I think, because I am fulfilling his need to have someone top him.  He still snorts like a stallion sometimes.  I got to see the Lippizan stallions while I was in Austria, and got a statue of a rearing one for pet.  He told me he already had a horse statue, but I told him, this was an updated one.  That a Lippizan is one of the most amazing breeds, just like him. Smiles.  So now, he has two stallion statues on his nightstand.  

In June, we added 3 new members to our little family.  A long held deep desire of pet's to have his own pet.  Well, pets... as one is not normally enough for social needs. So, we now have 3 ferret kits.  And they are adorable!  Even more so is when Paladin goes up to play and feed them.   He is normally very quiet and dignified.  But... now he goes up and is crawling around on the floor playing with his 'babies'.   He loves them, they love him.  I love all of them.  I love to joke about pet's pets.    They have added a new layer to our family indeed.  And.. now pet acts like his ferrets sometimes. He giggles like them, and had some of their cute little wiggles.   I was glad to get them before  my trip.  I was gone for 10 weeks and I was thrilled he had them to keep him company.  We still have Pixie and Leo of course, but they are both pretty quiet too, and have their pet door. All they need is Pixie getting her meat at night and their dry food bowls kept filled.  The little ferrets need lots more then that.  He has gotten them off of kibble and onto meat.  He makes them a 'soup' of guts and thigh meat, and then adds bits of chicken neck for them to chew on.  He has to feed them morning and night.  But he is very adorable taking care of them.  I look forward to his family seeing him as he is now with them.   

I have some activist activities which my VA docs and pet are very supportive of.  I also am still writing on my MST blog.  I am getting more involved here in Texas in getting medical cannabis passed.  I have been called upon as a veteran to help bring about change.  I have a feeling that's why we ended up here as well. So I could be a part of using the horrible things that happened to me in the past, to bring about positive change here now.  This means I have to go to Austin, and next month, will be my first trip there for NORML activist training.  The head veteran liaison has in particular asked me to come and testify before the Texas legislators, and I have agreed.

So, that's where things are now. We still participate in local kink activities.  I am still dealing with my PTSD.  Some days are better then others.  I am careful where I go and what I do. I work not to overdue, which is very easy for me.  And I keep a protective barrier around pet and I .  I am sure to always turn to him with a smile and love, even when I am torturing him.    Which comes in all sorts of styles.  He looks forward to us having an 8 acre compound where to have all sorts of kinky fun with our kinky friends and family of choice.

We hope all our fellow bloggers out there are happy and well!
Blessings to all,
Mystress



.  

It's Official

Dear Friends and Readers,

This started on the morning of June 4th.  Pet is very good at asking me out of the blue what I am thinking. He asks because he genuinely wants to know.  And he can tell if I am fudging. It is one of our sacred rules, open and honest communications.  So, when we were heading out to breakfast, and I was thinking of, numerous things, but one thought had just crossed my mind and I was mulling it over when he asked.  I had been thinking of our talks about buying land together in the future.  We had spoken of marriage since moving to Texas, and since my divorce from my past Knight.  So, at the moment Paladin asked me what I was thinking, I was thinking, that a long engagement would be nice. I have some things I need to get in order before I am really ready myself for actual marriage.  But over time, finding a non-kinky term to refer to my relationship with Paladin has been a challenge.  We are not roommates, we have never been 'boy friend/girl friend'. We are partners and significant others in the eyes of the vanillas, but neither of those terms really fit the depth of our relationship because of the D/s aspects, yaknow what I mean?  Owner and slave is so much more then those other 'lables'.  But I had found myself using the term "fiance'" as the closest legal/relationship term.  In fact, when I went to check out the ferrets at a local store, I had used the term fiance' to refer to my expedition on his behalf, and we'd had a conversation where he said that was a fine term to use.  But, we had also had discussions in the past, where he had said he never wanted to get married.  He had never seen himself as married.  

Anyways.. so this special morning, he asks, and I say "I was thinking about a long engagement".  He makes a noise but doesn't reply.  In a few moments we are at the restaurant and seated. Coffee comes, and I order my fave breakfast, eggs Benedict. It arrives and I am thinking about our short conversation in the car.  Not one to let something go when we have started our communicating,  I mention that he didn't say anything after my response.  He says "I already thought we were". I look at him and reply "Hmm, well, you've never actually asked me pet". Without missing a beat he says "Then, will you marry me?" I belive I actually clapped my hands and bounced up and down while saying "yes, yes yes!"  

So today we officially announce, most happily, our engagement.  On the advance of our seven year anniversary.  Whoohooo!!!

Feeling blessed indeed,
Mystress

Of Travelling and Time

Greetings Friends and Readers,

It's been a hectic 3 months.  I was granted my 100% for unemployability from the VA for PTSD due to Military Sexual Trauma.  I have 70% disability for it, but am considered (essentially) too crazy to work.  Yup... afraid that is true.  The insomnia and especially the rage at the military that fights to hang onto it's 'good 'ol boy' way of doing things while young men and women are still being raped and victim shamed.  Errr.. right.. as you can see, that train quickly leaves the station and I'm less likely to use a decent filter then not.
Right... after 35 years of burying it and (not) 'dealing' with it to survive, it seems to erupt like a volcano sometimes. I still go to group every other week.  I am working on dealing with the overwhelming 'emotionality' that sweeps over me sometimes.

Pet... has been as always, fantastically amazing.  March 15 was two years now since we moved from CA to TX and went 24/7.  I thought about that this eve as I was out watering the herb garden and his voice came through the screen window "Mystress, may I use the restroom?"  (smile) "Yes pet".  If our neighbor had been outside, she would have easily heard it.   Don't think pet even thought of that as he called out to me though.  Well.. it is what is isn't it???  Life during these two years have been the most peaceful and happiest of my life.  We are the head of a Kind House and we have developed a wonderful family of choice here.  I am so very very blessed every day, and I am eternally grateful.   We have been asked to host a collaring and wedding in June here, and we are quite honored by that.

Getting the 100% also has given me the money to travel and pet has been totally supportive. So in mid Jan I flew to France,  to see a long lost and recently found beloved childhood friend who lives 90 minutes south of Paris.  It was wonderful to visit him, see his country, home, doggie and horse, and catch up on 45 years.  Then the weekend before I left he took me up to Paris and had to get back to his sick doggie, and left me at the hotel my other dear frien from Austria had gotten in Paris to spend the weekend with me there before I flew back.  Oh, what an adventure!!!  She is a dear, dear friend as well.  The hotel was near the airport so we 'took the train to Paris' (still can't belive I got to do it!) and then took a wonderful bus tour around, and I got to light a candle at Notre Dame for a dear veteran friend who passed while I was there.  I liked Paris much more then I thought I would and I look forward to going back.I have missed both of these friends very much!

 I only knew for about a week before I left that I was going to France.  I was invited by my childhood friend and as I had my passport in preparation for this summers trip to Europe, well.. Paladin said I should go... my therapist said I should go... so I did!!!  Then I was back for Valentines Day with pet and the family, and the next day, I was off to LA to stay with my best friend from elementary school before heading to northern CA to see my beloved step son and hitch a ride with my ex-Mistress back here to TX.  We got back on a Wed night, and pet had to leave for CA on Fri at 4am.  And then he was gone for 10 days.  So now, I am home until July when I go to Europe for 10 weeks.  I have friends to stay with, a volunteer job in Spain for a week, then to see my friend in Austria at her home for the first time since she moved back from China.  And she is German.  

And odd aspect was that I can't begin to say what it felt like to go travelling so spontaneously. I have never had the finances to be able to do such a thing, but with the year and half of back pay, I finally could!  I also got a new car, a 2013 Huyndai Elantra, which is the first new car I've had since a Dodge Colt my second year in the service! It replaced my '98 Corolla which I was able to give to a dear sister friend whose  previous car got squished by Hurricain Ike. And I got a new 27" touchscreen computer, which upgrades from my 8 year old computer.  I've had a growing list of things that needed replacing and this year, turned out to be the one!  And my 12 year old camera also got upgraded.  The new one has this awesome wifi thing on it that when I have an app on my phone synced with it, it will automatically send those pics from the fancyass camera to my phone!  Sooo awesome!  I feel like I've been living in the 90's and am just emerging in to the 2000's.   All along the way Paladin was so useful in helping me do research and evaluating and suggesting.  He has screen envy now.. and I've told him he's welcome to use my 'puter while I'm gone. And he likes my car too. I made sure he liked it and I got it in colors I know he likes too cuz when we go places, he drives and our county here in TX gives disabled veteran like me a free pass on the toll roads, so it makes sense to take my car when we go on them.  Never would have dreamed of that in my poor slightly beat up Corolla though.  But he likes the new silver car.  



Grins.. So, it has been a huge whirlwind since I wrote in Jan, but a wonderful one.  This eve, pet and I puttered together in the garden and we are both very happy with how its come out so far.   We have more plans to upgrade things here over the next 3 years, and then we move up to a bigger piece of land - according to pets 5 year plan.  I love a man with a plan!  And Paladin just gets better as the years role by.  In a few months, it will be 7 years since he was collared.  He is in the midst of a huge roll out of a program for his work that was causing him a lot of stress. Before his trip to see his family, I commanded him that he was NOT allowed to think about work until the weekend that he was coming back.  A few days into his trip, he sent me a txt thanking me for that Command.  (smile)  And on Wed, we had a D/s couple over and they arrived just as he was being reprimanded for tickling me by having to stand still so I could lick his nose.  That made them both break out laughing as pet wiped his wet nose off.  This week will be pretty hectic for him and I'll keep things running smoothly for him while he works hard to give us an ever better life, and he also plots his ever upwards career path.    And so we go on... and life is grand.  I love being 'retired' as my therapist call it. I love having this home with pet and the life we have.  

I bid well wishes to all out there in the blogesphere.  Sorry I've been gone for a few crazy months... but I'm back for a few before I go off again.

That's my catch up for now, got PTSD group at the local Vet Center in the morning so I best run along.  It's not just for me anymore, we get new ladies in, and seeing that haunted look as they open their closet doors... well. being there to welcome then out is a huge part of my therapy.  We had a new lady, Army show up last time. Was only supposed to stay for 15 mins, but she stayed the whole two hours... and cried along with us... I hope she comes back tomorrow.

Anyway.. best to all,
Mystress